Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Sometimes, the Truth Slips Out

The Conversation:

@brooke_farmer:  @SimoneGrant It took me two and a half years before I felt ready to try another relationship. And I forgot in the meantime how to date.

@SimoneGrant:  @brooke_farmer I fear I might have the opposite problem. I may have forgotten how to be in a relationship. Oopsie.

@brooke_farmer:  @SimoneGrant I can’t even get far enough to see if I remember that! Lol.

@SimoneGrant:  Sometimes the sneaks out. Like a teenager in the middle of the night.

Recently, I had the pleasure of meeting Skye Blue from MetAnotherFrog for the first time. She came down to NYC for a few days and I did my share as part of the unofficial NYC bloggers welcome wagon. Within 30 minutes of our first meeting, she pointed out my (annoying) habit of putting myself down. Which I do. Frequently, I guess. It’s such a habit, that I don’t really notice.

While I might be in the habit of occasionally putting myself down, I don’t actually have issues. I have a strong sense of who I am, my strengths and weaknesses, and can stand in front of a full-length mirror naked, without cringing. Among other things. And yippee, I’ve started to lose some of that extra weight I gained while I was really sick. The me putting myself down in casual conversation thing is just a by-product of my self-deprecating sense of humor and the way I was raised (to NOT think too highly of myself).

Anyway, I mention the self-esteem thing, and the putting myself down habit because I want to be clear about what I’m about to write. This isn’t me being down on myself. Or a symptom of some neurosis.

I’m pretty good at dating.  I rock first dates.  And second dates.

I am the master of casual flings.

And maybe, probably, I’ve forgotten how to have a relationship.

I think that that part of me is broken. I know it used to work. I have memories of . Happy ones. Functional ones. that made me happy. When I was treated well. With kindness and respect.

But those memories are fading. And I’m starting to wonder…

Maybe, I’ve forgotten how to make that all work.  That relationship thing.

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7 to “Sometimes, the Truth Slips Out”

  1. Maybe, like some others of us I know (ahem) it’s just that you haven’t felt the desire to create that relationship with anyone in particular.

    I think the how to of relationships is different each time with each partner. I also think that as we get older it isn’t so much that we forget as it is we get used to and so we become, in some ways, less open.

    Does that make sense?

    • Simone Grant says:

      That’s kind of what I’ve been telling myself. For a long time now.

      I’m just thinking that maybe there’s another possible truth. That I’ve forgotten how. That, if/when I’m presented with an appropriate person and opportunity I won’t have the foggiest notion of what to do with it.

  2. Gina says:

    You said once on your blog that you’ve never had a relationship last a year. What was your longest relationship?

    • Simone Grant says:

      Nope. You’ve got the wrong blogger. I have never written that, as it’s not true. It’s been over a decade (damn) but I’ve gone well past the year mark.

  3. Jolene says:

    Wow, that’s huge! Congrats…I think? Sort of reading a bit of ambivalence, or maybe that’s just the “forgotten how to be in a relationship” thing. I guess I can agree with that myself since this is all new territory for me too!

  4. For some reason this post made me kinda sorta want to cry.

    It had something to do with the part where you talk about the relationships that made you happy and how those memories are fading.

  5. Julie says:

    I hear you. I am an expert first dater! I JUST wrote a blog about some of the nightmares that come with early stages of dating and all the dishonesty or “political correctness” that goes on. We need more honesty! I think!

    Love your blog – I added you to my blog roll! :)