@SimoneGrant: @brooke_farmer I fear I might have the opposite problem. I may have forgotten how to be in a relationship. Oopsie.
@brooke_farmer: @SimoneGrant I can’t even get far enough to see if I remember that! Lol.
@SimoneGrant: Sometimes the truth sneaks out. Like a teenager in the middle of the night.
Recently, I had the pleasure of meeting Skye Blue from MetAnotherFrog for the first time. She came down to NYC for a few days and I did my share as part of the unofficial NYC bloggers welcome wagon. Within 30 minutes of our first meeting, she pointed out my (annoying) habit of putting myself down. Which I do. Frequently, I guess. It’s such a habit, that I don’t really notice.
While I might be in the habit of occasionally putting myself down, I don’t actually have self-esteem issues. I have a strong sense of who I am, my strengths and weaknesses, and can stand in front of a full-length mirror naked, without cringing. Among other things. And yippee, I’ve started to lose some of that extra weight I gained while I was really sick. The me putting myself down in casual conversation thing is just a by-product of my self-deprecating sense of humor and the way I was raised (to NOT think too highly of myself).
Anyway, I mention the self-esteem thing, and the putting myself down habit because I want to be clear about what I’m about to write. This isn’t me being down on myself. Or a symptom of some neurosis.
I’m pretty good at dating. I rock first dates. And second dates.
I am the master of casual flings.
And maybe, probably, I’ve forgotten how to have a relationship.
I think that that part of me is broken. I know it used to work. I have memories of relationships. Happy ones. Functional ones. Relationships that made me happy. When I was treated well. With kindness and respect.
But those memories are fading. And I’m starting to wonder…
Maybe, I’ve forgotten how to make that all work. That relationship thing.
Tags: Relationships, self-esteem, truth