Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

There are a Lot of Different Normals

So I’m packing for my move.  And I’m trying to be as unsentimental as possible. This isn’t all that hard for me as I’m not a particularly sentimental person.  I’ve never been one to save ticket stubs, playbills or stuff like that.

So far, I’ve chucked out hundreds of old photos (because if I haven’t looked at it in over a decade, chances are, I never will) and dozens of tchotchkes(mugs, shot glasses, random ceramics) that have been given to me as gifts over the years.  Again, if I haven’t looked at it, or used it, in years….

All of this cleaning and cleansing does has me thinking of people I haven’t seen in a while.  For all kinds of reasons.

Anyway, it hit me that I know/have known a handful of people (more than a handful), both men and women (gay and straight) who have pretty much never been .  They’ve gone from one very serious to another. In some cases, they’ve gone from living with one person to living with another, with no break in between (and yes, this meant that the second of those relationships was started as affairs).

Once I started to think of one of those people, I started to think of another, and then another, and another.  And it hit me that I know quite a few.  One, a straight guy, is on his third live-in relationship in the decade or so that I’ve known him(one was a marriage). Never once stopping for a moment of single life.  Each new woman starting as “the other woman”.

I guess there are some people who just can’t bear to be single. Ever. Who can’t leave a relationship when it’s no longer working for them?  I don’t know.

What I do know is that for me, it’s normal to be single. It feels normal. Like this is OK, or how it’s maybe supposed to be.  Which doesn’t mean I’m not happy when I’m not single.  Just that single doesn’t feel wrong. Like something to be avoided at all costs.

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8 to “There are a Lot of Different Normals”

  1. Dazediva says:

    Woohoo on being single :) Single is definitely normal in my opinion … nothing wrong with that or abnormal either … I’ve had my share of relationships – short & long term – and I’ve spent the last 3 years living in Bombay being single … and I’m enjoying it (could be because the people who could be considered potential in my small pond of options just make me want to pull my hair out and eat a bag of nails instead hahaha)

    I really feel that everyone needs time out from being in any form of relationships just so that they can discover more about themselves .. and its not so healthy to jump from relationship to relationship ..

    On a side note – it would hurt me like hell to throw away photos ! I could throw a lot of other things away (I’ve been known to hoard on to things); but photos are one thing I cannot bear to throw .. unfortunately my younger bro had to chuck away a few albums of photos from my uni days cos they got wet in storage :( that was painful for me :(

    • Simone Grant says:

      I really that I’m a bit of a freak (I’m really VERY unsentimental). I guess I’d just rather look forward or something like that.
      AND YES – WOOHOO on being single. It can be as normal as anything else.

  2. Goldie says:

    I’ve been reading your blog for a while now but this is the first time that I have been compelled to leave a comment. You have touched on a subject that I am currently dealing with. I have been single for about 2yrs now and my last LTR was 5yrs ago. I constantly am asked when am I going to be in a serious relationship, but how can I know the answer? I have never been the type to settle for “someone” so that I fit in the box everybody believes I should climb into. I am attractive, but that doesn’t mean it is any easier to find the right person that I am compatible with and at the end of the day that is what I want. It’s just so frustrating to constantly be interrogated about it when I am perfectly happy (and feel completely normal) being single!

    • Simone Grant says:

      Thanks for reading and for commenting, here.
      The funny thing is, we single people make up about half the population at any given time. But we’re seen as ‘in transition’ or “on a path towards marriage”. Never just single and happy that way.

      The reality is, there are millions of people for whom single is normal. One day, this won’t be so damn shocking.

  3. Jocelyn says:

    I haven’t been in a relationship in almost 4 years and to tell you the truth I haven’t even really dated. I guess single is my normal but sometimes I wonder if I am too used to it… Maybe now it is stopping me from finding the right person.
    I don’t know if I can get past the fact that I like my freedom, I am very busy, and most men bore me. My mentality is “más vale sola que mal acompañada” (Mexican saying), which basically translates to “better off alone than with bad company.

    • Simone Grant says:

      Better off alone than with bad company sounds like a sensible policy for life. Life you, sometimes I worry if I’ve become too used to being alone. But I really do believe that that is much healthier than the opposite (being so insecure that I need someone to be with).

      There have always been people who spend the majority of their lives alone. Always.

  4. I was one of the never single people for ages. (Although without the cheating part. I would just have already picked out the next person before I left the last.)

    It didn’t end until I got my heart truly broken for the first time. That was about three and a half years ago and I have been single ever since.

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