Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Wrap it Up!

I know that I’m late to this party, but hey, I was sick last week. And better late than never, right?

So, according to the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, condom use declines with age (yes, I know, you read about this last week). Only 25% of adults 50 and over used a condom the last time they had with a ‘casual partner.’

I was actually surprised that so many people were surprised by this. As a woman who dates a lot of older guys, I was NOT surprised. At all.

In fact, my expectation is that any guy over 45 who is not a bit of a player will try to get away with not wearing one. Note that I put ‘get away with’ in italics. I always insist on . I’m militant about it. It doesn’t matter that I’m on the pill. For me, sex without is for serious relationships only.  This seems like basic logic to me -> don’t put myself at unnecessary risk. And yet, a scary % of the guys I’ve known over the years do not subscribe to this basic logic.  And the older they are, the more likely they are to be condom averse. Note: the exception to this rule are guys who are clearly players/on the promiscuous side. They carry condoms and are happy to use them.

My theory on this is that a lot of these 45+ guys are divorced.  They didn’t use condoms during their married years.  And, well, to state the obvious, they have fond memories of condom-free sex. Years and years of condom-free sex.  It’s a pleasure vs risk thing, I guess.


I actually stopped seeing someone a while back because he kept making a fuss about condoms. There were other issues, too. But the big decision maker for me was that every time we had (mediocre) sex, he tried to talk me into doing it without a condom. And this was just a guy I’d know for a few months, in a relationship I didn’t see as having any solid future.  Needless to say, it was a total mood-killer.

I’m not sure I have a point here. All I know is that I like older guys. Prefer the ones who aren’t total players. And know from experience that older guys who aren’t players have a high likelihood to not want to wear condoms. More than kinda sucks.

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6 to “Wrap it Up!”

  1. Terry says:

    Whatever happened to “no glove, no love?”. Idiots

  2. Sharon says:

    I have a friend who belonged in the demographic of which you speak. A few years ago he ended up in a long term relationship and stopped using (or never used) a condom. His now ex-girlfriend neglected to mention the fact that she was HIV positive until they broke up. He is now HIV positive.

  3. Crystal says:

    I have a friend who is a clinical psychologist studying behavior in the homosexual community and he told me that recent studies have shown that the majority of homosexual men testing positive for HIV for the first time are getting infected during a committed relationship.

    He explained that there is somewhat of a stigma attached to condom use in a relationship — “What you don’t trust me?”

    And at about the 3-month mark (HIV can be undetectable for 6 months to a year even with testing) the condoms come off.

    Just a little FYI.


    • Simone Grant says:

      From my experience, the whole, “what you don’t trust me?” thing is pretty pervasive in the hetero community, too. I’ve had more than one guy say it to me, and get really offended when I explained that it had nothing to do with trust (and that if I didn’t trust them, I wouldn’t be having sex with them). Some people refuse to behave in ways that are in their own best interest.