Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Life Doesn’t Let You Choose

A friend was talking about the changes in his life over the past few years. Major changes. He’d lost a relationship, a career, a family member, had major issues…

And yet, he isn’t distraught. Because right now he’s living a life of creativity and challenge. Doing things he always dreamed of doing. He’s excited, each and every day, about the possibilities for his future.

It’s eerie how much his story resembles mine.

He admitted to me, with an audible lump in his throat, that he’d give it all up. Everything he has now. Give it up to have what he lost. That if he could choose, he’d take the relationship and the lost career (and, of course, his family member and health). That he wouldn’t even have to think about it.  He’d make the in a heartbeat and never look back.

I replied, “Life doesn’t let you choose.”

He thanked me. I still have no idea why.

Life doesn’t let you choose. We can plan. And work hard. But we don’t really have that much control over things. And we never have control over other people.

Unlike my friend, if given the choice, I’d keep things the way they are. I have this bizarre belief that things work out the way they’re supposed to (not based on any religious or spiritual foundation)and so I have to believe that I’m where I’m supposed to be, doing what I’m supposed to be doing.

Or something like that.

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14 to “Life Doesn’t Let You Choose”

  1. Rachael says:

    I have that exact same belief. Gives me sanity.

  2. jackie says:

    I’m going to guess he thanked you because friends help you keep perspective, in the face of insanity.


  3. SoloAt30 says:

    So true. The last 10 years have taught me this lesson well. We may not know why or for what purpose things happen the way they do, but I truly am believing again that there was a purpose for all those painful life changes, leading me to this exciting and new present and future!

  4. “life happens while you making plans” I disagree in part to what you saying. I believe we do have a choice, it’s in the thoughts we have. We don’t know how the journey will go, but if you follow a mindset of positive thought, you can achieve that which you want. I believe that our lives are shaped by the choices we make. These include the inevitable obstacles that are put in the way. I don’t believe we can put our lives down to “fate” and “no choice”, we must go out there and take and make the life we want! thanks for the post! love and light

    • Simone Grant says:

      LOL, you and I will never be able to have a conversation about this. I poo-poo the positive thinking police. I respect your right to believe in whatever you wish, my dear (in much the same way I respect my friend’s deep felt religious beliefs while not personally believing in god). I only wish that the positive though militia could respect my wishes to live with both eyes wide open and my brain unfiltered.

  5. @lena_fm says:

    Yes, he is great. And so are you. :-)

  6. snarkygurl says:

    I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
    ~Douglas Adams

  7. I totally agree…like if you don’t have all these specific struggles along the way you wouldn’t have gotten to where you are now.

  8. Aplus says:

    It gives me sanity alright…