Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

And So Now (I Guess) I Need to Unfriend Him

I have limits. Real limits. As in, there is a limit to how much I can deal with at one time. So if a bunch of family or or business stuff is stressing me out (or all 3) I just CAN’T deal with anything else. The dishes don’t get done, the laundry piles up, emails go unanswered, I forget to check the mailbox… You get the picture.

I’ve been at my limit lately, and so there are a lot of things that just aren’t getting done.  Yeah, my apartment’s a mess (well, I think it’s a mess, I’ve had people over and they haven’t noticed) and I have stacks of unread mail.  My email backlog is insane and… I still haven’t told the Sunday Boy that I don’t want to see him anymore.

In fact, I’ve been a total wimp about it.  Texting him back (not in a timely fashion, and not always) to tell him I’m busy and can’t see him. It’s been a month since the last time. But never actually saying, “it’s been fun, but let’s not see each other anymore.” By the way, I strongly believe he knows about this blog, so maybe this is me telling him?

So, in addition to having to tell him something (because I don’t just fade, that’s not me) I also have to unfriend him.  I never wanted to friend him in the first place, but he cornered me (actually took out his phone and insisted on doing it during a date and I didn’t feel like saying no and making a fuss).  Ugh.  I’m not sure which to do first, unfriend him or tell him?  I don’t pay much attention to FB but I know some people do.  And I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

OMG this is so ridiculous.

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25 to “And So Now (I Guess) I Need to Unfriend Him”

  1. Brian Fairbanks says:

    You definitely have to tell him first. Imagine being into someone and trying to get them to go on another date with you and then noticing that they’re no longer your Facebook friend. Of course, he might not even notice you’ve unfriended him, either…

  2. He probably won’t actually notice that you have unfriended him unless he notices you aren’t in his feed or he actually goes through all his friends. I would still say tell him first, it’s way better. I am not a fader either, but I always hate telling people too! Ugh! It’s like ripping off a Band-Aid. Don’t think about it and just do it. Good luck!! :)

  3. sandralm39 says:

    Well, you can just go to facebook privacy and block him from seeing your wall. That might give him a hint if he’s the stalker type.

    Honesty is the best policy and avoiding…only drags it on ;)

    xo good luck girl!

    • Simone Grant says:

      I have no idea if he’s the stalker type or not (is that sad?). Yes, honesty is the best policy. I firmly believe that. Now I just gotta get the energy to do it.

  4. Lara says:

    The last guy I “unfriended” was a guy (several years younger…it always seems to be the younger ones) who fb friend requested me in the early stages of dating. I considered ignoring it but ultimately decided I’m a pretty open book anyway, so I went ahead and accepted. When he told me he didn’t want to see me anymore, I sent him a message on fb that was short and sweet and consisted of something like “I figured it would be disrespectful not to tell you I was unfriending you, so I just thought I’d send a short note”…he was appreciative of it, and I think it actually helped us regain our footing as friends later. Clicking the delete button w/o an explanation can sometimes be like inviting bull-shit drama when there needn’t be. Ya know?
    Good luck!

  5. em says:

    do both things at the same time… CALL “hey darling i dont see any good in this”- DELETE “btw i’m unfr you on FB in this moment” simply, right? :) i dont see reason for blocking if your profile is private…
    p.s sorry for my english

  6. Cougel says:

    Text him that while you had fun with him and getting to know him etc.. seeing him again isnt in the cards.. or something like that. Make it as positive but direct as possible. Wait a few hours. If he doesnt respond, defriend him. either way he’ll get the picture. I wonder if we overthink these things. If the guy is an adult and has been on the dating scene – unless he is a nut job (in which case, good riddance anyway) – he should get it.

  7. Holly B says:

    Just do it like the kids do these days. Change your FB status, text him the news and then unfriend him. That should get the message across.

  8. I’m just going to say it: I think you’re being sucky. Just because you’re not in a relationship, doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve to be told at least over the phone. I say treat him how you wish people to treat you. Can’t go wrong that way.

    • Simone Grant says:

      I don’t think you’re wrong. I am being sucky. I should have told him a month ago that it didn’t seem like we were working out and we shouldn’t see each other anymore. And now that I haven’t, I keep feeling like making that call would be (maybe?) worse that just leaving it be. A little like screaming at someone who’s already left the room? Either way, I didn’t handle it right.

  9. Sandyvs says:

    THIS is the reason why I don’t friend guys that I’m dating or sleeping with on Facebook. It is just so much more uncomplicated to keep that seperate from my life. I’ve had guys that I’m dating ask for my F/B name, and I tell them that I will friend them, but then I won’t date or sleep with them. Guess which one they choose……
    As for your Sunday Boy, I would suggest you be very kind and considerate to him. You shared quite a bit with him and he deserves this. Either a meeting face to face, or a careful phone conversation, unless you feel he doesn’t deserve that chunk of time.

    • Simone Grant says:

      Yep, FB is the devil. I should never have let him add me.
      As for sharing quite a bit with him… not so much. Less than a dozen dates. 1 sleep-over. I guess I’m just jaded but I don’t see that as much of a thing. But he does deserve to be treated kindly.

  10. Aplus says:

    You have to tell him, Its not easy telling someone that, especially if they in to you, but rather now that later. He needs to know so that he can try and get over you. What ever makes you comfortable in telling him do it that way, but be kind no matter what.

  11. Sam says:

    This is kind of a wimpy approach, but I use it in order to spare feelings. Just tell him that you met someone. It leaves an opening to go back to him in the future if you feel the need, too.

  12. Charlotte says:

    I think telling him (either over the phone or–if the nerves give in–by sending a text message). But I totally know what you mean. I try to avoid confrontation at all costs which is why I try to avoid friending people on FB unless we really do have a friendship, because things like this happen and then we stress about what the right thing is to do.

    Good luck either way :)

  13. You love the strum and drang. It’s addictive and becomes its own entity with its own identity.