Happy Endings

This guest post comes to us from my friend @LuckyBroad. Some of you might remember when she went by a different name (back when she was blogging about her dating life).  I rarely ask people to write about specific topics, but in this case I asked @LuckyBroad if she might be willing to write about the end of dating, for her. Here it is.

Happy Endings

I swam around the dating sea for close to two years after my husband left. Even though my experience prior to my marriage was limited, I knew that the dating method du jour was online. I’d been a previous participant in many a social network and knew organic friendships in the age of technology were becoming more and more a thing of a past. When I set out to find my Mr. Right, I embraced online dating with the gusto of a cheerleader breaking in her new pom poms.

To start, I enrolled in many online dating sites including OK Cupid, Plenty of Fish, Craigslist (yes, really) and the now defunct Yahoo Personals. While the results varied from site to site, I embraced this challenge and poured countless hours into my profile, email exchanges, online “chats”, and the like. I had hits and misses; frustrations and good fortunes; and even some truly bizarre experiences (see: ball gag). When my experience with these sites grew stale, I decided to shake up my single life and try something off kilter. So, I joined Adult Friend Finder (AFF).

Now, I should mention that I thought long and hard about mentioning AFF. It’s a fact I haven’t told many friends or family. But, I think in a blog post about “happy endings”, it’s important to see that sometimes you have to venture out of your comfort zone to find success. When I first joined AFF, my goal was to find a desirable Friends-with-Benefits situation to replace the one I was currently in. What I found, after wading through a giant heap of unsuitables, was a lot of genuine fellows who were also a little lost and attempting a new approach to dating.

On AFF, “real” women (i.e. – you don’t charge for your “dates”) are at a premium. For the first time in my dating life, I felt completely in control of my experiences and choices. I felt I had options I hadn’t had previously and that men exerted an effort that I hadn’t encountered previously. Yes, I’m well aware that the added energy may have largely been the thought of a no strings attached sexual encounter, but for the most part? I found that far less than you’d expect.

I went on four dates from AFF, one of whom I engaged in a brief relationship before deciding we weren’t compatible. And yes – I do actually mean “dates”. Dinner, movies, long walks and long talks. I had no interest in meeting a guy simply for a one night stand and made that clear in all my communications. For the most part, I received thoughtful and honest responses. There seemed to be a barrier removed on AFF that I wasn’t finding on the other dating sites, and I kinda liked it.

Zinc was AFF Suitor Number 4. We met on a beautiful fall evening and dined on wine and Indian food. When I saw him on that park bench, I took in his good looks and appearance. I remember the inevitable awkward handshake, the good night hug. The anticipation of a next date (barbecue: my treat). We spaced our first few dates out with almost a week in between, which allowed the excitement to build while maintaining a distance that allowed us both to take things slow. When we were both past the cautious phase and settling in for the honeymoon, we lept full fledged into our relationship with the excitement of two divorcees who had survived the battle to come out swinging still on the other side.

I still remember the first time he told me he loved me; It was my birthday.

If there is one thing I can leave you with regard to online dating, it’s to greet it as you would any adventure. Open your mind to the endless possibilities and realize that it’s a little bit like a part time job that if done well, can turn into your favorite pastime. While Zinc and I’s story is a bit unique simply because of the service we used to find each other, the end result is the same. I’ll spare you all the trite ending – now get out there and DATE!