Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

My Energy Needs a Sex Change

My Energy Needs a Sex Change batshit crazy  barbieSo, first a few quick facts.

1) I actually like online dating (this should not be news to anyone who’s read this blog more than 2 or 3 times). I think it’s an easy way to meet new guys. I don’t think it’s stressful, nor do I feel my self-esteem being battered away by the constant rejection, blah blah blah.

If a guy likes my profile and wants to write to me, cool. If I like him back, cool.  We’ll meet and if we like each other then we’ll go out again. It’s not that complicated.

2) I haven’t actually been on a date with anyone new (Sunday Boy and the FB don’t count) in almost 2 months. This is because I’m currently undateable. Undateable meaning that I’m overwhelmed with some of the things going on in my life and so too stressed out for dating.  What things you ask?  Well, I’m trying to move which is turning out to be way more complicated than I thought it would be, it was just the anniversary of my mom’s passing which brought up all kinds of unresolved family stuff, and I’m up to my eyeballs in projects.

3) I’m pretty ambivalent about the no dating thing. I kinda miss it, but I know it’s what I should/shouldn’t be doing right now.

All that said, I’d like to share a funny little email exchange I had recently. It seems that all of my online dating has, and I’m not sure I understand this because it’s just not the way I think, built up in me a surplus of masculine energy. I’m emanating masculine energy which is actually repelling men from me. Because, I guess, I’m making an effort to meet a guy. Which is not something women should do (we’ll skip the fact that the vast majority of the guys I meet online contact me, and I pretty much insist on the guy – ALWAYS – being the one who asks for the first and because I don’t believe in chasing men). Just the fact that I’m out there, online, making an effort has shifted my energy. And so I must, according to this wise person, stop all online dating for at least six months and let my energy return to its normal feminine sphere.  Or something like that.

And then men will come to me.  Because my energy will be appropriately feminine.

OK, beyond the fact that I don’t really understand all of this energy stuff (I’m somewhat allergic to the new-ageyness of it) I’m pretty sure that this is funny. I’m always getting random from people who don’t know shit about me and, hey, I can’t complain because I’m putting my stories out here. Sometimes the random is good, sometimes it’s insulting and sometimes it’s funny. I’m pretty sure this qualifies as funny.


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12 to “My Energy Needs a Sex Change”


  1. Jolene says:

    I know what you mean about being ambivalent on the no dating thing – I had the same feeling this summer when I was in that no dating thing too, in part because of a busy schedule and other priorities. Funny story, too, though I think there is an inkling of truth to it only in releasing it – for me, anyway, has seemed to come with a flood of potential dates currently! Not a bad thing in my book ;)

    • Simone Grant says:

      Not a bad thing at all. I tend to believe that good date luck tends to come when you have all your other ducks in a row. Sometimes. And so taking time to focus on other stuff (getting your ducks in a row) makes you more attractive, etc.

      Whatever, I’m excited for YOU.

  2. LJ Maggie says:

    I am taking a break from dating too. I have recently realized that not all of my ducks are in a row right now and I need to focus on the things I need to take care of. It just isn’t the right time for me right now to be dating. There is some truth to the energy thing, I am just working on creating the positive and not the negative. It is hard to do

    • Simone Grant says:

      Well, like I said, I’m allergic to the New Agey-ness of “energy”. However, I completely understand needing to be positive in your own life, and able to project that before you’re in a dating mode.

  3. Scott Alpert says:

    You look like a real doll. Anyway I enjoy your honesty. It is refreshing in this world that focuses on fakeness and facade. If you need a break, take one. I found it is important for me to be in my center before focusing on my social life. My spiritual training has taught me the world mirrors my internal environment. When I am in a great mood, amazing things tend to take place. I hope your mood shifts quickly and find yourself so joyful, you meet an amazing new mate!

    Scott

    • Simone Grant says:

      LOL, I do what I can to lighten the tone.

      I try to be honest. I don’t see the point in writing MORE dating fairy tales. There are enough of those out there.

  4. Sharon says:

    I’ve often taken breaks from dating. I find when I start to lose my sense of humor…it’s time for a break. When someone wants to meet me and all I can think about is how much better it would be to stay home, do my nails, send out some resumes…it’s definitely time for a break. But those breaks always engergize me (I know exactly what you mean by the excess male energy) in good ways and when I’m back on the dating again I’m actually a much nicer person to date. Breaks are totally healthy.

    • Simone Grant says:

      Well, I’m glad YOU understand the excess male energy thing. I don’t get it.

      ANYWAY, yes I completely agree with you that if you don’t enjoy dating then it’s time for a break. I do enjoy it, I just can’t write now because I have to focus on other things.

  5. IntrigueMe says:

    I have more times when I’m not dating than when I am… there’s just so many other priorities and dating seems to get in the way. I do find though, I get hit on much more when I’m not in the mental dating “zone” than when I’m trying.

  6. Bondwoman says:

    I believe one of my close friends need to go thro this whole taking yourself off the dating scene but every time i suggest it she rejects it. She’s a beautiful girl but she doesnt see the self worth in her self anymore. She focuses on guys to give her some self worth. What do you think is the best way of getting her to realize hey take some time off?

  7. Aplus says:

    Well I guess when the time is right it will happen,