Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Not Your Ordinary Run of the Mill Crush

Not Your Ordinary Run of the Mill Crush guest posts  3334093628 0e0831712a o 300x212I’m starting to really lurve Thursdays.  This week’s guest comes from @bethm411. Beth blogs at Midwestern Girl dating in her  *yipes* 30′s.

Not Your Ordinary Run of the Mill Crush

In November 2009, I went out to drinks with one of my best , Marcy, for her birthday.  She invited a few colleagues, none that I knew.  We introduced ourselves and found seats.  I was seated next to this woman, Naomi, that had two dogs and we happened to have several in common, but had never met.

We started chatting, discussing dogs, her Doctoral Program and my masters degree.  I am a very touchy feely, so for some reason I reached over and touched her arm when something very unexpected happened. I felt instant chemistry.  Uh… What?  This a woman… I am a woman.  I was almost sure she was a lesbian because I had remembered Marcy mentioning that she thought Naomi was.

I continued to talk to Naomi and continued to feel this weird “zing” every time I touched her.  We went outside a few times together for Naomi to smoke (I don’t smoke), but she kept inviting me.  At one point, she did in fact confirm that she was a lesbian, however, there’s still a problem here… I am straight.  Naomi and I actually made plans to get together the following week for some event.

On the drive home, I called Marcy to discuss these weird about Naomi.  Marcy was floored but supportive.  Part of what I was attracted to with Naomi was her intelligence. She is wicked smart.  Able to hold intelligent conversations about almost anything. It was decided that Marcy would make sure the three of us hung out so that I wasn’t feeling any pressure, though we were pretty sure that Naomi was clueless about what I was feeling.

After the first few outings with the three of us, Naomi and I started hanging out quite a bit, just the two of us.  The more we hung, the more I crushed on her.  Poor Marcy had to endure my calls to her discussing the level of the crush and what I should do about.  Because I wasn’t sure that I could become a lesbian… we always decided that I would just leave it alone.

We went out on two occasions and got fairly wasted (okay, totally wasted), but nothing happened between us either time, other than just lots of laugh and building a fantastic friendship (which I was SURE I wanted to be more).  Every time I *thought* that I had decided to switch teams, I would convince myself that I wasnt cut out to play for the other team and at this stage in my life.

Finally, one night… with a bit too much liquid courage, I told Naomi that I had a crush on her.  She laughed and said “what? you’re straight!”  I said that I knew but I had now been crushing on her for six months and wanted to see what she thought.  Naomi was very very nice about it.  She said that she had no clue but really enjoyed being single and just wanted to stay friends.  While, at first, I was crushed and felt relatively stupid, we were able to maintain a very  nice friendship and still hang out together.

I actually learned quite a bit from that crush. One thing being that its okay to be attracted to the same and two, you don’t always have to act on it.  If I could take it back, I would never tell Naomi how I felt about her because there was a huge chance that it could have actually ruined our friendship.  What it did do was cement how incredibly sexy an intelligent person is to me… of either .


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10 to “Not Your Ordinary Run of the Mill Crush”


  1. Catherine says:

    This is a great story! And I think it really speaks to the fluidity of sexuality as we know it. I really don’t think anyone is 100% straight or 100% gay, I think it’s more of a spectrum, and we all fall somewhere on the spectrum, and maybe our positions even change during different times in our lives. I personally think it was brave of you to tell her – especially with the social constructs that would urge you not to. So props to you on being open minded!! :)

    • Bethm411 says:

      Isnt Sexual Fluidity so interesting? I have been much more open to dating a women ever since this, but havent decided quite how I would go about that…

      Naomi and I have stayed very good friends and while it was weird at first, it went right back to the ease that it was initially. Thanks for the comment!

  2. Just came across this blog and LOVE it. I am a 30-something singleton and have been blogging about the single life for about 3 years. Problem is, I accidentally deleted my blog last week and lost everything. I’ve just started it over and started with a fresh slate. Would love to follow you and hope you follow me too. I have a cyncial and satirical take on life as a singleton.

    Best Regards,
    American Bridget

  3. OpinionatedGift says:

    Great story.

    I’ve been reading a great deal about sexual fluidity, especially for women so this story doesn’t strike me as at all shocking.

    Good for you for allowing yourself to feel what you feel and to share it.

    Thank you.

    • Bethm411 says:

      See, before this experience I didnt even know what sexual fluidity was much less how to feel about it. So this was all a learning experience, one I certainly dont regret.

  4. Jaysey says:

    Great post, Beth!

  5. Sandyvs says:

    I LOVE this! I was glad to read that you admitted to your crush, and that Naomi proved that gay people will NOT have sex with just any person. They are just as discriminating as hetros. She handled this with great tact, and also saved the wonderful friendship between you. Nice story!

  6. Bethm411 says:

    THANKS Simone for posting this! (I used the wrong account for the original comments… whoops)

    Love your readers AND YOU!