Not Your Ordinary Run of the Mill Crush
In November 2009, I went out to drinks with one of my best friends, Marcy, for her birthday. She invited a few colleagues, none that I knew. We introduced ourselves and found seats. I was seated next to this woman, Naomi, that had two dogs and we happened to have several friends in common, but had never met.
We started chatting, discussing dogs, her Doctoral Program and my masters degree. I am a very touchy feely, so for some reason I reached over and touched her arm when something very unexpected happened. I felt instant chemistry. Uh… What? This a woman… I am a woman. I was almost sure she was a lesbian because I had remembered Marcy mentioning that she thought Naomi was.
I continued to talk to Naomi and continued to feel this weird “zing” every time I touched her. We went outside a few times together for Naomi to smoke (I don’t smoke), but she kept inviting me. At one point, she did in fact confirm that she was a lesbian, however, there’s still a problem here… I am straight. Naomi and I actually made plans to get together the following week for some event.
On the drive home, I called Marcy to discuss these weird feelings about Naomi. Marcy was floored but supportive. Part of what I was attracted to with Naomi was her intelligence. She is wicked smart. Able to hold intelligent conversations about almost anything. It was decided that Marcy would make sure the three of us hung out so that I wasn’t feeling any pressure, though we were pretty sure that Naomi was clueless about what I was feeling.
After the first few outings with the three of us, Naomi and I started hanging out quite a bit, just the two of us. The more we hung, the more I crushed on her. Poor Marcy had to endure my calls to her discussing the level of the crush and what I should do about. Because I wasn’t sure that I could become a lesbian… we always decided that I would just leave it alone.
We went out on two occasions and got fairly wasted (okay, totally wasted), but nothing happened between us either time, other than just lots of laugh and building a fantastic friendship (which I was SURE I wanted to be more). Every time I *thought* that I had decided to switch teams, I would convince myself that I wasnt cut out to play for the other team and at this stage in my life.
Finally, one night… with a bit too much liquid courage, I told Naomi that I had a crush on her. She laughed and said “what? you’re straight!” I said that I knew but I had now been crushing on her for six months and wanted to see what she thought. Naomi was very very nice about it. She said that she had no clue but really enjoyed being single and just wanted to stay friends. While, at first, I was crushed and felt relatively stupid, we were able to maintain a very nice friendship and still hang out together.
I actually learned quite a bit from that crush. One thing being that its okay to be attracted to the same sex and two, you don’t always have to act on it. If I could take it back, I would never tell Naomi how I felt about her because there was a huge chance that it could have actually ruined our friendship. What it did do was cement how incredibly sexy an intelligent person is to me… of either sex.
Tags: feelings, friends, post, sex