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Probably Not the Smartest Thing to Include in a Text (to a Girl)

Probably Not the Smartest Thing to Include in a Text (to a Girl) rant just a story  3295498512 e5e36cbddc 300x220It’s a rainy Monday morning, hence the perfect time to kvetch.

I’ve written (many times) before about how much I hate dating by text. Most recently here. If a isn’t into long chats on the phone, that’s cool with me because neither am I. In fact, it’s kind of an issue when a guy does want to chat a lot on the phone. I’m just not that gabby.

But if he wants to make plans with me, I’d prefer he pick up the phone and speak with me. I want him to actually ask. To make the effort. Be a grown up. Sometimes. And if we’re seeing each other regularly/in a relationship, then I want that voice connection so that I can hear his inflection. Hear the difference between amused and annoyed without having to guess.

I’m a pretty low-maintenance chick, but this is something that really matters to me.

Anyway, some guys don’t get it. And YES, I think this is one area where age is a factor. Guys over 45, in my experience, are far more likely to pick up the phone and call. Even if they’re extremely busy.  But younger guys seem to default to text almost all of the time. Even if they’ve got all the time in the world.

So… a while back I got what had to be the lamest, most pathetic text from a guy EVER.  It was from someone who was clearly trying to play it cool. Note: Playing it cool is so not cool. Trying to let me know that he really wasn’t that interested. That he really didn’t care, one way or the other, if I replied.

Here is the beginning of the text, “I am at [name of airport] killing time, on my way to [place].  How are you?”

Oh yeah, please start a text by telling me that you are stuck at an airport, killing time. Because then I’ll know that you’re just bored and probably going through your contact list, texting everyone you know. Just killing time. Not actually wanting to reach out and contact ME. Because texting is such an effort, anyway.

Dude, no woman ever wants to hear, under any circumstance, that your reason for contacting her is that you’re killing time.

Dear Every Guy On the Planet, Please don’t bother. I am too good for you.  That’s right, I said it. If that’s the best you can do, then I AM TOO GOOD FOR YOU. That is all.

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24 to “Probably Not the Smartest Thing to Include in a Text (to a Girl)”

  1. anon says:

    kinda funny, not really though

  2. Guys are so shameless these days. smh

    • Simone Grant says:

      It’s interesting that you say that. A while back, a guy told me that he sends the same flirty text to a dozen women on the same night to see who replies. And then he follows up with the cutest one, actually asking her out. And that’s what I think of whenever I get these random texts from guys. A guy making virtually no effort. Bottom feeding. Shameless.

  3. Dennis Hong says:

    Then again, texting can be a way to show that you’re thinking about the other person *without* coming off as being too needy.

    When we first start dating someone, we walk that fine line of wanting to appear interested, but not wanting to appear overzealous. I think texting can be a good way to walk this fine line.

    Of course, just to Devil’s Advocate my Devil’s Advocate… texting is also the prime recourse for someone who can’t carry on an actual conversation….

    • Simone Grant says:

      I understand that people think that way, that they don’t want to come off as needy. But, as I said in the post, playing it cool (not wanting to come off as needy or trying too hard) is seriously not cool. If a guy likes me, AT ALL, I want him to show it. At least a little. If he doesn’t, then he shouldn’t bother.

      A text is showing me that he doesn’t like me enough to make a real effort(whether or not he realizes it).

  4. Sandyvs says:

    Simone, I totally agree with you on this. Except, I try to accept the fact that some people really prefer texting, even though I don’t text much. So….would you have felt different if he’d written, ‘At the airport, killing time and thinking of you?’ Just curious, because something like that last few words would have changed my feelings about the text.

    • Simone Grant says:

      I’m very accepting of the fact that texting is a convenience and have learned to adapt. I didn’t even know how to text a few years ago and only learned because of a boyfriend. But that doesn’t change the fact that compromise means both people bending. And I’ll be cool with texts sometimes, as long as it’s not all of the time. And I’ll communicate that. If a guy continues to only communicate via text he’s showing me he a) won’t compromise b) doesn’t care.

      And while including the phrase “thinking of you” would have been better, starting with “killing time” is pretty much a bone-headed thing to do.

  5. I know this is true for most women. I personally really like texting and email until we reach a more serious stage. I just prefer saving the conversation for the actual face to face dates. Email and texts are good for setting those up. Anything else is a cute extra (a text to ask how my big meeting went or to tell me something funny about your day) that keeps you in my mind without intruding. I love that. It’s when someone is texting me and we DON’T have a next date planned, that annoys me. Then you’re wasting my time. Most of all, I just like for communication to build up slowly.

    • Simone Grant says:

      I’d prefer all real conversation for face to face, too (although we can’t control these things). And I understand what you mean about communication building slowly. Sometimes I feel like too much, too soon is a sure sign of trouble.

  6. TurnJacson says:

    I think if you’re in a relationship, you should probably man up and use the phone. So many things can be mis-read via text and a back and forth text conversation can take up to 4x longer than picking up the phone.

    But my biggest pet peeve about text conversations… when does it actual end? I’m a communicator, so texting is terrible for me because I could just keep going. A phone call has a start and an end, also a whole lot less ambiguity.

    I’d take three 5 min calls with my lady over the course of a day or one 45 min call, he’ll I’d rather leave a voice mail… text have no definitive life cycle. That drives me insane…

    • Simone Grant says:

      That’s really what it’s all about – things can be mis-read via text. AND can take so much longer. Sometimes, even with business, I’ll suggest in an email that the other person just call me. That whatever we’re trying to decide upon can be figured out quicker via phone.

      And yes, calls have a start and an end. They are simple. Perfect for decision making. Succinct.

  7. Kelly says:

    Texting while dating creates more confusion than anything else. As you said, you can’t tell if someone you don’t know is really annoyed, being funny, or kind of an ass…emotions and personalities aren’t really conveyed in a text. It’s so much easier to blow people off now, to not really confront someone since you can send off a text and not have to deal with a reaction to it. Text-dating is for pussies, as far as I’m concerned.

  8. This is something that I continue to struggle with because, like you, I do enjoy texting and am not much of a phone conversation person. But in my experience, trying to build a relationship where texting as the primary means of communication is a major no no! Its impersonal and abrupt.

  9. misspinkles says:

    I totally agree with you, texting can be enjoyable, but if they want to make plans, picking up the phone and calling would be so much better.

    And that last comment about getting the ‘I’m trying to kill time’ text, OMG, how pathetic I say. Why do they even do that? Why would they even say that? It’s just stupid.. They should just grow up.

    • Simone Grant says:

      I think that the guy in question probably thought his comment was smart. Some ridiculous power play. Which is silly. Or maybe he was just being a moron (or is a moron).

      And yes, he should just grow up.

  10. It is tough. I happen to like texting but it is much less desirable in the early stages. The biggest issue is that mis-communications are MUCH more likely when you are over email/text because so much meaning is lost.

    I’d give it a fail overall.

  11. Tomfoolery says:

    In a number of cases, texting is way easier than talking. Unfortunately, tone periodically gets lost, sometimes on purpose and things can take a sharp turn for the wrong. A little text flirting is OK when you’re in a public place or at work or something just to wink-wink let ‘er know you’re thinking about her.

    Totally agree that “killing time” isn’t a great thing to mention when checking in via text or phone, even if you’re being completely honest.

    Finally, a quick text before a potential booty call isn’t terrible. If it’s late, you don’t want wake anyone (necessarily) and it’s way easier to ignore a text than a phone call for the recipient.

    I’m also not a fan of the terms “sexting.” It makes me think of teens listening to Akon, ordering ProActive and exposing themselves on Chat Roulette.

    • Simone Grant says:

      UGH(sorry, I’m gonna call you out here): “it’s way easier to ignore a text than a phone call for the recipient.”

      One of my issues with texting is that they are easier to ignore. Be an effing man. Put your neck out. Risk rejection. Risk being ignored, or being told “HELL NO”.

      I’m a heck of a lot more likely to respect(and want to be with) a guy who puts it on the line than one who takes the wimps way out.

      • Vendetta says:

        THANK YOU Simone! Especailly for this last reply about be an effin man! I am so sick of men hiding behind a text, it’s one thing to send a sweet “thinking of you” when things have progressed, when he knows you are busy at work and can’t talk. But the passive aggressive bullshit annoys the crap outta me too. I ignore texts from guys now, they can call me, or if they are fortunate enough to know where I live, show up at my house! If they don’t want to risk rejection, be romantic, and show me I mean something to them, they can go be a wimp with someone else. I’m not buyin it.