And I so don’t. It’s been over a month since I’ve been out with anyone other than the Sunday Boy. Actually, I have no idea how long it’s been. I’d have to look through the blog to check.
It’s also been over a month since I’ve checked in with match.com. I know I have an inbox full of messages. And all of those guys have now assumed I’m not interested as most of those messages are weeks old. Many, many weeks.
None of this was conscious. It’s not like I said, I need a dating vacation. Or made the decision to not date. I just haven’t. Instead, I’ve been caught up in the other parts of my life. And quite frankly, those other parts of my life have been pretty damn overwhelming lately.
This morning I woke up (2 hours late, because I just turned off the alarm when it went off) and staggered to the bathroom, where I stared at the mirror in disbelief. My whole face is swollen, specifically because I’ve been eating tons of the types of foods that make me sick. And, just for good measure, my arms and legs are covered in blotches and hives. I’m all red and puffy and icky and repulsive and… so what. I have no time to date and I’ve made myself undateable. Those poptarts tasted good.
Sorry, I’m rambling. This is what happens on Fridays. Here is my point, all of this doesn’t mean shit. Really. All it means is that I’m stressed out. Completely stressed out. Too stressed out to think much about ME. Funny coming from a person who writes about her own life, but… I have no plan, no idea when this “break” will be over. I just need to get through the next few weeks as best as I can, without doing any major damage to my health. And then, when the smoke clears, I’ll be more ready to think about what I want and where I am.
It all comes down to this -> I like men. REALLY like men. But I see men/a man as a complement to my functional life. Someone who adds to me. Not completes me. And right now, I’m just not all that functional. Who am I kidding, I’m not functional at all. I’ve been living on poptarts and I look like a blotchy lobster.
So when I’m ready, when my life is working for me again, that’s when I’ll date.
Tags: inbox, Match, Online dating