Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

News/Not News

News/Not News dating update  3109788657 f6f757a72c o 300x236Is it news to say that I didn’t see Sunday Boy on Sunday?

I was feeling, after our last “date” (so not a date), that we might not see each other again.  Our convenient situation was starting to feel wrong. For many reasons:

  • I am now 97% sure he’s read this and what I’ve written about him.  And yet he continues to tell me he hasn’t. Which is incredibly silly. And uncool.
  • He invited himself to spend the night at my place. More than that, he wanted to cuddle with me.  And I didn’t want to cuddle with him.
  • He wants to not get to know me, not know anything much about me, but cuddle with me.  Been there, done that.  I no longer have the time for make believe relationships.  I can do casual sex (where no one is cuddling and pretending it means anything) but I can’t play make pretend.
  • He only communicates with me via text, even though it annoys the shit out of me and I’ve mentioned that I prefer the (and when I initiate communication it is always by ).

So when he texted on Friday to ask if I wanted to get together on Sunday I ignored it. Until Saturday (it’s childish, I know, but one of the ways I communicate my distaste for texting is to not reply in a timely fashion, whereas phone messages get replied to immediately). I told him that I was unavailable on Sunday (business trip the next day, busy busy).

He replied that he was busy next Sunday and something about Labor Day weekend.  I haven’t replied.

I don’t think we’ll see each other Labor Day weekend.  I am not sad about this.  I am not anything about this.  As a storyteller I kinda wish I had a better end for you, but I don’t think you’re going to get one.

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14 to “News/Not News”

  1. Jolene says:

    All valid points. I think if I were you, I’d probably be doing the same thing…

    • Simone Grant says:

      Well, I don’t know about valid or not (although sometimes I do feel like my life is on trial here). It’s what is happening and what I am (or am not) feeling :-)

  2. C1000 says:

    Didn’t you write last week that you guys always eat after you fuck? Isn’t that “pretending” too? It seems like you want him to want ‘more’ but at the same time, you are try to act like you don’t…
    What’s the difference between going out to eat (which is what couples do,) and cuddling?

    • Simone Grant says:

      He isn’t a fuck buddy. Never said he was. He doesn’t have the temperament for that, and more importantly, I wouldn’t want that with him.

      We started out dating and things just evolved to us being really casual. And as I don’t have the emotional energy for a relationship with anyone right now, really casual seemed perfect.

      Lots of people eat together. It’s a social thing. A date-y, friend-y thing.

      Couples cuddle. Maybe not that’s the way you see it? It’s the way I see it. What feels like right to me. And this is me we’re talking about.

  3. Crystal says:

    I think a common mistake that women make is believing that “cuddling” or “sleeping over” are gestures of genuine interest from a guy rather than merely extensions of the physical act of sex. Is that it? A guy can do those things with you and not really like you (just as he can have sex with you and not really like you.)

    Oddly, to me, it sounds like you’re describing more of a prostitute-type situation where there is no physicality except for sexual intercourse. I’m sort of skeptical that you want that. (And, of course, sharing meals would also be inconsistent with that.)

    • Simone Grant says:

      LOL, I’m sorry I gotta laugh at the phrase “prostitute-type situation”. There is a man I’ve known for years (I call him a fuckbuddy) with whom I occasionally have sexual intercourse (I call it fucking, thank you very much) and nothing else. I see nothing prostitute-like about this. We sought/seek each other out. It’s mutually beneficial. We each get what we want, which is sexual pleasure.

      Surely not everyone’s cup of tea, but I like it just fine.

      And I don’t mistake cuddling for genuine interest. I just don’t like to cuddle with men I’m not emotionally connected with. Some people are fine with that, I’m not. I don’t see cuddling as a natural extension of sex. I see it as a genuine act of affection and don’t wish to engage in it with someone falsely. I am not suggesting, btw, that I know The Sunday Boy’s feeling or intentions. One can never really know why another person does anything. I just don’t want to be in a situation where I have to play pretend.

      • Crystal says:

        I understood that you don’t like cuddling. But, if you’re going to use cuddling as a basis to reject a guy, I don’t know why you wouldn’t want to at least try to understand his intention behind it. This is a blog about you. But, in the real world, you are interacting with others. And, presumably, they and their motivations matter in that world. Seems to me like you are closed off to learning from your experiences.

        • Simone Grant says:

          Again, I’m laughing. I’m not rejecting a guy. I’m ending a casual relationship that was never going to go anywhere. He’s not going to be any more stressed about it than I am. How do I know this -> because he’s shown me he won’t care. With his actions.

          Rejecting him. Funny.

          And, just out of curiosity (and ’cause your condescending comment was so damn funny) what am I supposed to learn from this particular experience? Don’t allow myself to enjoy a simple, casual relationship when the opportunity presents itself? Be mean and tell men I don’t want to cuddle? Or maybe just lie about what I’m actually thinking and feeling so that some readers will have less to cluck about?

  4. jgirl says:

    WOW!! You are coming across a little bitter these days, Simone. I do think all this clear-cut “fuck buddies”/casual dating situations may have indeed fucked with you and left you jaded and a little worse for wear.

    You don’t want to play pretend…your choice! But will you ever let down your guard enough to let someone in?

    • Simone Grant says:

      I’d like to think I’m not more jaded than I was a year ago. Or 5. Anything is possible, though. More likely what’s coming across is my exhaustion (physically, emotional, mental). And, well, more of ME (the IRL me behind this blog).

      Just last night I was talking with a friend about the fact that I don’t have the emotional energy for dating. At all. I literally have nothing to give. And that has nothing to do with fuck buddies or casual dating or ex-boyfriends or even this blog. Again, it’s the IRL stuff. I’d like to think things will shift again soon. I miss having that space in my head and heart. But I don’t have it now. And I make no apologies for it. Or the fact that I’d like to be sexually active in the meantime.

      Not what people want to read, perhaps. Not a neat narrative arc. It is what it is.

  5. Be happy your life allows casual. The married life leaves room for nothing outside of the bedroom. So sometimes you have to be creative…. or sneaky. Hope you will take a peek.

    Fear not, it’s fiction, but read with someone next to you, it serves as foreplay too.

    You don’t like this guy, so don’t worry about him. And if you ever find one you do, don’t write about him, until he’s bound to you.


  6. Sandyvs says:

    Appreciate your honesty, Simone. You sound wiped out. You know, some people take a huge, long break from dating at times, for various reasons. One of those reasons is what you just said: my exhaustion, physically, mentally and emotionally. I hope you’re not forcing yourself to do something you’d rather not do, for the sake of this blog……

    • Simone Grant says:

      Thanks for getting it. And no, definitely not forcing myself to do anything. I haven’t gone on a real date in AGES and I don’t intend to. Not until I’m up to it.

  7. Ann says:

    Hi Simone. I hope you get some mental rest time soon. Life these days is so fast paced, and sometimes, I think it just catches up to you. It’s interesting that so many people have gotten on your case about things that seem to be differences of opinion, not hard-and-fast rules. Thanks for portraying yourself in such a straightforward way and sticking to your truth, no matter what anyone else says.