Warning: It’s been a few days/nights since I’ve slept. When I say I haven’t slept, I mean, I haven’t slept. Not, not well.
Last night, since I was so sleep deprived, I stopped work at 7pm (really early for me) and went to bed at 10. I tossed and turned and listened to podcasts until about 3 am, at which point I decided that I was fighting a losing battle and I might as well grab my laptop. Not for work, just to amuse myself. I tried for sleep again around 5-ish, but I remember seeing the clock at 6. And then the alarm went off at 7.
I haven’t slept. In days.
Anyway, that is both a warning and part of today’s topic. I’m a nutjob today. OK, frequently. And, quite frankly, this is something I hide from new people in my life. Guys.
Here, on the blog, it’s warts and all. But out in the dating world I hold people at a distance. I’ll mention the insomnia, for example. But I’d never let anyone see me(or even talk to me) on a day like today. Because I’m a mess. An unreasonable mess. And that’s not something I’d want a new person to see. A new guy.
That just seems wrong to me. This applies to many things I don’t want new guys to know. The warts stay hidden.
The problem with this strategy is that it can be hard to let people in, once they’ve been kept at a distance. It’s hard to know when or how. And sometimes, guys think they know me when they don’t. Not at all. And it’s not their fault. Because I haven’t really let them in.
I’m fairly sure that none of that is normal. Just another way that my instinct for self-preservation is hurting me, instead of helping. Or something like that.
What about you folks, how close do you let new people get?
Tags: bed, insomnia, poll, work