Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Never Love Someone More Than They Love You… What about the opposite?

So I was talking with a friend, catching up (I know it sounds like all I do is date and socialize, but that’s just because I leave the other parts of my life off the blog. In reality, I haven’t seen much of my friends lately, and I’ve been missing them). Somewhere in our conversation she said, “Well, that’s the way things usually go with relationships. One person likes the other person a lot more.” Or something like that.  She was probably more articulate than that.

Which got me to thinking about Mama’s Best Advice (an awesome guest post by ).  The in question is, “Never love someone more than they love you”.  Hard , but good . BTW, you should check out more of Jack’s mom’s advice. I love her!

The truth is, my truth, is that I have a hard time with the converse.  Letting someone like me more than I like them (forget love).  It makes me feel bad.  It seems wrong.  Like I’m taking advantage of someone’s .

So, I ask you, what do you do when you’re dating someone and you feel like they may like you more than you like them?  Would it affect your behavior?

What do you do when you're dating someone and you feel like they may like you more than you like them?

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15 to “Never Love Someone More Than They Love You… What about the opposite?”

  1. I’m glad you posted this! I too feel like there is a lot of emphasis on what I call the “princess syndrome” where we’re made to feel like the best guy is the one that lavishes you with praise and attention. In reality, its a balance that we all need. I want a man who’s content on his own but sees me as a bonus in his life. When things are off-balance, one person becomes needy and that is unattractive no matter which gender.

  2. Kelly says:

    This hasn’t really come up since I was in my early 20’s, but I had some crazy self-esteem issues that mad me lose all respect for any guy who liked me more than I liked him. Kinda like the Groucho Marx thing about not joining a club that would have you for a member, or something. It wasn’t an issue I liked him as much, but if I was ambivalent about a guy who was really into me, I would treat him as poorly as he’d let me.

  3. SoloAt30 says:

    This actually still affects me now. I’m so used to being the one who cares more that the power balance shift makes me unsteady. It’s a great feeling but it also makes me cautious, especially if the guy is “overly aggressive” about his feelings: inviting me to family functions way too soon, buying random cards or flowers unexpectedly, saying I love you before the “proper time”, and just treating me too well in relation to how I’m treating him. I don’t want to be put on a pedestal. It takes being vulnerable with the RIGHT guy to realize I am worthy of being treated well, though.

    If you’re really not into the guy though, it’s best to let them down easy. You’d want the same if the shoe were on the other foot, right?

  4. Catherine says:

    This post is exactly something I’ve been thinking about lately. I voted for bow out early. It’s what I’d want someone to do for me. If I like someone so-so but I can tell that they are really into me, I don’t want to be responsible for letting them down. It’s only fair to be upfront about the amount that I like (never mind love) them. And, I really hope that karma comes back to me on this one. It really sucks when you feel a connection with someone, really like them, see it going somewhere and they just aren’t feeling it, but they string you along anyway.

  5. TurnJacson says:

    Great post…

    As I guy I find you have to find an adequate balance, because if a guys showers a girl with affection and she’s not totally into him. He’s too nice and he’ll end up losing her!

    If he’s not into her and she’s into him… he’s an asshole.

    It all comes down to finding the healthy amount of pampering/ignoring… you laugh but it’s sorta true!

    • I agree with you. You have to date with logic. You can’t show your best hand or all your cards. You have to keep people guessing. By doing so they don’t get bored and in turn will keep playing your game.

    • Leslie says:

      It’s so sad but i love my man so much and he say’s i’m the best thing that ever happened to him, but he doesn’t treat me as such and i can’t understand why, but from this experience i am totally done with relationships for the rest of my life…i can’t take anymore anyone i date seems to take my kindness for weakness when that’s not the case, i just believe in treating the one that i love the way i feel he should be treated as the man that i love but never again, i’m done…forever:( And he’s leaving me on top of it all

  6. Vendetta says:

    I call this having hand, who ever has the most hand, wins the game. The thing I’ve found most interesting is how who has the most hand constantly changes in a relationship. The smallest thing you can do can change things to give the other person hand. having hand is basically the equivalent of the theory of who ever cares the least has the advantage. It’s interesting the subtle shifts that can occur in relationships. But when it stays the same, consistently, it rarely works out, at least from what I’ve seen.

    When I have too much hand, I get bored, annoyed, and dump the poor guy. When he has all the hand, I turn into some needy clingoid freak that I don’t even know, desperately trying to convince him to like me as much as I like him. Not the best way to get hand I might add…

  7. Dazediva says:

    My mother has said this to me many times ..something along the lines of meet a man who loves you more than you love him .. I have wondered about this and even thought ‘but that doesn’t seem fair does it’ .. Mums’ logic .. if he loves you more than you love him, he’s always going to be there for you – if you love him more, and he knows it – he’s more than likely to go and check out who else is available to him

    I recently met a man who’s way more into me than I am to him and I had to break that news to him and ask him to tone it down a notch … yeah that worked, I basically made a nice guy become aloof to me !

    Why can’t there be advice like ‘both parties should feel for each other at the same scale’ !

  8. There is absolutely nothing wrong with someone liking or loving you more than you do them. I believe women (even if they do like the guy more than he does them) should act as though they don’t. This is so because when guys feel they “have you” they tend to slack off and or lose interest.

    The question should be, “How do you treat this person?” The old adage states, do unto others as you’d have others do unto you. Not feel about others the way you want them to feel about you. If you genuinely like this person and are treating them the way you’d like to be treated then you haven’t done anything wrong.

  9. jenkato paranum says:

    I say knowing about what happens with the balance of power gives you a certain degree of control in a relationship, you can see if shes being clingy, its because your not putting an equal amount of effort in as they, so try being overly affectionate and see if after a time things have rebalanced. However if your the one always putting the effort in, take a step back. let them know ur there, but not necesarily as ready to bow to their demands (conscious or unconscious) as you were.

  10. yassin mo says:

    i thing this is not easy work so aney way my opinon is this rael love

  11. Megan says:

    I recently got out of a relationship (almost 4 years) in May and I babysit quite a bit. I asked the moms – and dads! – if they had any life advice. More than one mom said “Find someone who is in it more than you. Find someone who ADORES you.”
    I never felt right about that sentiment. Why can’t we be awesome and loving together? Love each other to the max? I’m into honesty and straight upness (yeah, I said it), so I feel like that would never happen (am I’m being too naive for my own good right now?!). When I was in my relationship I didn’t like hearing that advice (but that may have been because maybe I was the person who was in it too much at the time I heard that advice). And now that I’m single, I’m still not sure I like it.

    Regardless, love the post and love your blog!

  12. Michelle says:

    Other: I am never in that situation. I always seem to like the other person more than they like me.

  13. Dennis says:

    I was wondering why when you find someone you really like and have so much in common she’s holding back ,she told me all the other relationships that’s she been in and I am nothing like those past guys how do you stop the frustration inside without rushing her?