Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

I’m In Love With a Friend… What the Hell?

There are many, many things I can’t wrap my head around. One of which is the whole, “I fell in with a friend” phenomenon.

I just don’t get it.

For instance, this post in YourTango (seems like sensible advice, if such a thing were to actually occur). Or the classic sitcom silliness of Monica and Chandler.  I just have a hard time imagining myself suddenly being romantically attracted to someone I’ve known, for a while, in a non-romantic way.

But that’s just me.  I have a limited imagination.

Anyway, I’d like to know, amongst my non-representative sample of readers, just how common this is.  Have any of you ever fallen for a friend?

Have you ever fallen in love/lust with a friend?

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14 to “I’m In Love With a Friend… What the Hell?”

  1. jackie says:

    What on earth could be better than loving and being loved by your best friend?

  2. Lena.FM says:

    There have been many precedences throughout history (and cinematography). Sometimes there is a switch, and here we go. And if it works in the long run (as in, really, really works), then it’s even more fun!

  3. Tom says:

    Definitely. It’s a crapshoot, though. The chance of success isn’t great. But, like Jack said, the upside is massive. Feel it out and it might be a bad idea to drop the bomb via text. But after a few drinks might be OK.
    I’m not sure if it’s ever really a revelation for both parties. You’d guess that one party, let’s be honest, it’s probably the guy, felt one way for a while and the other party, the gal, usually, never seriously considered it.

    The worst thing that can happen, though, is for no definitive answer to take place. Holding onto a glimmer of hope after your feelings have been made public is agony. Totally a cat and mouse game after that.

    I’ve had equal mix success and failure throwing myself at a good friend. In every case, I was glad I did it even if there was a period of discomfort. Play it by ear and, if you think chances are OK, let it rip. The worst thing that can happen is that your friendship effectively ends and you’re briefly humiliated.

  4. Rebekah says:

    greatest love i’ve ever known began with my friend. it’s been however many years and i still remember him romantically and regret it couldn’t work out.

  5. Sandy says:

    Long, complicated story, but yes, it happened and was wonderful (that’s why I fell in love with him in the first place), until it all imploded. Now, I won’t even talk or look at him, but boy did I learn a lot.

  6. Kelli says:

    I’m guessing by the number of hits I get on my “Friend Zone” posts — it happens a LOT more than, perhaps, we realize. For me… not so much. I’ve either dated OR been friends and rarely (if ever — can’t remember a time actually…) have I crossed that line. But I agree with your commenters — it would be great if it actually worked out!

  7. coyote rose says:

    I’ve had it happen twice. The first time was with a guy i always thought was cute but had been friends with for years. I just know there is something there, but i’m too much of a chicken shit to say anything to him about it. So it goes on unrequited and that’s probably for the best.

    The second time it came out of nowhere. I didn’t even like the guy as a person when i first met him and only after several months of getting to know each other, we were even able to be friendly to each other. And then one night he kissed me and it was like everything between us was different. We kept it quiet and between ourselves and it didn’t work out, but we are still friends.

  8. I had a guy friend once declare his feelings, but I just didn’t feel that way about him. I think it’s usually the case that when you met you might have thought he/she was cute but something was in the way, so you became friends. My ex-husband and I were friends for 3 months before we went out, but that’s cause he had a girl friend. Let us create a great foundation, rather than getting physical right away. Think it happens a lot!

  9. Anais says:

    No I haven’t, & maybe that’s the problem! 😉

  10. Christian S. says:

    Though it would be great … it is also great having a best friend.

    Girlfriends come and go – best friends are forever unless you get romantically involved and mess it up.

    I once traded friendship for romance and wouldn’t ever do it again.
    10th years later and I still miss my friend.

  11. SoloAt30 says:

    Some of my most beautiful relationships began with friendships. I can’t imagine a better foundation on which to build a romantic relationship.

  12. Sheila says:

    There is no better foundation for a relationship than friendship. The “romance” will fade (it’s proven fact: those brain chemicals don’t last forever) so you’d better have something else solid there, or be prepared to be serially monogamous. (Nothing wrong with that either, but eventually it might be nice to not have to start over.)

  13. Cougel says:

    I fell in love with my best friend afTer having a dream about having sex with him. Then we got married. And divorced. The end.

  14. Azarel says:

    In an honest friendship (take a minute to lookup the definition of a “friend” just in case certain *ahem* social networking sites have blurred your understanding of the term), this will NEVER happen.

    However, in a friendship where there is always some amount of sexual tension accompanied by the “she loves me? she loves me not?” syndrome, the idea of getting together romantically (i’m trying not to use “falling in love”), the success and failure of the relationship depends on too many factors. Affection, attraction, trust, right-timing, the weather, what’s on tv, your last name, your/his/her pet, your mom, etc. The chances of things working out…dammit you do the math

    P.S. if you’re reading this post and you’re thinking about that one “best friend” that you’ve always wanted to hookup with…yea…that one…proceed to bitchslap yourself repeatedly till you can’t remember why you’re slapping yourself in the first place!…and i say that with love :)