Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Luck Luck Luck Luck Luck – > There, I said it!

I was chatting with a friend over dinner last night.   He’s single.  I’m single.  We’d each prefer to be in a relationship, if it were the right one/a good one.  But we’re not in relationships.  *shrug*

And I said that the thing that upsets me most about the single/dating industry (of which, I realize, I’m kinda a part of) is that for all of the and books and how-tos, you seldom read/see anyone talking about . Lots of stuff about recognizing your past mistakes, breaking old patterns, being positive, focusing on what you want… none of which is bad advice.  But it’s pretty much unheard of to click on some relationship-advice-givers link and see, Sometimes it’s just about luck. Or something to that effect.

I know couples who’ve met in airports.  I met the first great of my life in a hotel lobby. Every day there are people who meet their future mates on airplanes, trains, buses.

Luck.

One of my dearest friends met his partner while he was away for the weekend.  They were each away for the weekend, in the same obscure beach town, getting away from bad .  Neither wanted to be involved with anyone, seriously, for a long while. And then they met and within weeks they were attached at the hip.  They’ve been together for over 12 years, since.

Luck.

It’s a big world.  Huge.  And we humans are complicated creatures.  I don’t know why I fell in love, all of those years ago, with the totally inappropriate stranger in that hotel lobby (although I’m sure there are many, many people who’d like to posit theories). And I have no idea why he fell in love with me. I just know that we did.  That we had an instant connection of  the type I’ve seldom felt since.

If my were different, by just 5 or 10 minutes, he and I never would have met.  And a big chunk of my adult life might have worked out differently.  But my wasn’t different.  I was sitting in exactly the right place at exactly the right time to meet him… Things worked out the way they did.  About which I’m neither happy or sad.  I figure it all happened the way it did for a reason.

Luck.

I know there are people who don’t believe in luck.  Who believe that we attract good things to ourselves (with positive energy, or something like that).  I respectfully think that’s a load of shite.

At the same time, I understand why people don’t like to talk about the role luck plays in our lives. People like control. Or at least the illusion of control.  You can’t control luck.

Even in the shopping cart crazy world of online dating, luck is out there, affecting our outcomes.  There are weeks when I’m just too busy to deal with my inbox.  Sometimes several weeks in a row.  And then, sometimes, when I get to it, the guys who’ve written to me have disappeared.  Maybe one of those disappearing men might have been perfect for me, if only I’d gotten to his email sooner?

Luck.

Sorry folks, you can fool some of the people some of the time and all that crap.  But luck plays a bigger role in our lives than most people are willing to admit.  We are not in control.  Get over it.


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25 to “Luck Luck Luck Luck Luck – > There, I said it!”


  1. Dazediva says:

    perfectly said !!!
    your post has just added another dimension to my experience with a man over the last 2 days … hmmm now to get my mind to accept it !

    It’s true though – not everyone is willing to admit to luck; most of the time its the concept of good things come to good people; attract good / positive energy by being positive .. I believe in luck; I’m just not sure if I’ve learned to recognize it (yet)

    • Simone Grant says:

      I do believe in karma. And working hard to earn things. All that stuff, too.
      AND then there’s luck. And sometimes I find it very hard to accept. I’m a hardcore control freak. But its there.

  2. don stugots says:

    i never looked at it as luck but as timing. its pretty much the same thing though

  3. My career is random. Relationships I have with people is random. That I read your post at 10:32 on a Tuesday morning because I happened to glance up at my twitter stream and see it is random. Or, it is an elaborately-designed plan by some deity who has more time than brains. Does it really matter if there is someone at the switch, turning all this on or off? Would our experiences be less random to us?

    I think we spend far too much time asking why and what-if than just letting go a bit and enjoying the ride as it happens. Me included :-)

    • Simone Grant says:

      I know that I, for one, spend WAY too much time asking why and what-if. I’m working on learning to enjoy the ride a bit more. It’s not as easy as it sounds.

  4. jackie says:

    I think to the only Gwyneth Paltrow movie I ever really liked: Sliding Doors. Her whole life changed based on whether she missed or caught a train. Not a day of my life goes by where I don’t wonder if I’ve zigged when I should have zagged. But there’s no way of knowing and no one to tell you. All you can do is continue to move forward.

    oxo
    JFB

  5. Vera E. Wise says:

    I agree Luck can play a part but then again sometimes I think we make our own luck as well..Vera

    • Simone Grant says:

      A person who stays inside all day/every day and makes no effort towards their goals is probably not going to “have good luck”. In that respect I’d agree with you about making your own luck. But whether or not the person you sit next to on a plane is your future mate – nope, you can’t make that happen.

  6. Natz and I met as two international students put in the same hallway at a tiny liberal arts college in a random town in the United States.

    Luck.

    But the thing is you have to be open to it, and we know that relationships take a lot more than two suitable people hooking up at the right time. So let’s not give luck all the credit ;) Lovely article.

    Natz and Graeme

  7. SoloAt30 says:

    Luck plays a big role in making connections. But having your eyes open is a large part in recognizing those connections, and not missing golden opportunities for what they are. Like Vera E. Wise said, sometimes we make our own luck also.

    • Simone Grant says:

      Yep. But when it comes right down to it, we are not in control. Hard work, open heart, open eyes, wise soul – whatever… we have minimal control over what actually happens to us in this life. We just have to play it as it lays.

  8. D says:

    I know you hate pickup artists, but this is a big part of what they teach: how to make your own luck. I used to be a much shier person until I learned how to confidently approach someone I’m attracted to. And even today, after talking to probably 200 women in the past year, I still get butterflies and talk myself out of approaching.

    I think women really have no idea how scared most men are to start a conversation with them.

    • Simone Grant says:

      I have no idea what that has to do with luck. NONE.

      Getting over shyness – great. Good on ya. Have an issue, get over it, make an effort to be a happier person. I don’t really see the fickle hand of fate involved.

  9. Cougel says:

    I’m digging your blog! I particularly like this post. I agree luck plays a hand in many things, but I think of it in a more hippie dippy the universe is talking to us spiritual thing lol called “signs.” I blogged about awhile back about same.. check it out: http://cougel.blogspot.com/2010/04/signs-are-they-real-or-do-we-just-want.html

    • Simone Grant says:

      I try (TRY) not to look for signs. It’s hard, of course. But I figure the world is a big place and I’m a small, insignificant person. It’s all just random.

  10. david *darkheath says:

    Yep… i think this is one of your most brilliant and insightful posts yet.

    Can I blow you a kiss?

  11. Andrew says:

    Random – The entire details of the system cannot be completely understood or quantified. Ex: A Die roll, will always follow the laws of physics, but the results are beyond the ability of the roller to determine.

    I think that a lot of what you’re talking about comes down to the fact that people where their genes on their face. Once you’ve seen enough people, read enough body language, you can pick up on the subtle clues of which people to approach and which to avoid. You may not do this consciously, leading to the conclusion that “Luck” had something to do with it…..

    The truth is that there are lots of people we could have a wonderful relationship with. Sooner or later you’ll meet them.

  12. Rajita says:

    hi i do not know about adulteries but what we have been taught from childhood that one has to get proposal for marriage and no sex before marriage even if he is involved in some adulteries.a woman has to follow the rituals of marriage.so what i believe is that i do not like virtual dating with one of my most desirable man because it really sucks and i feel dirty and unclean.no no i am also talking about my inner self and visualising errrr you know what i mean

  13. Terry says:

    Random luck- where you find it. Luck brought us together- and I think that is a good thing, indeed.
    Terry recently posted..Fatty Liver Disease: Cause is Carbohydrates Not FatsMy Profile

  14. Liz says:

    Totally true…luck is such a big part of it. That’s why I started a blog about being OKAY with misunderstanding these types of things in life & relationships. Including guys!! mancaine.com
    Liz recently posted..It’s Official.My Profile

  15. You must believe in luck and if you don’t then you should at least believe in hope. That way you can hope to get lucky!
    Melt your mans heart recently posted..Is He The One? Should I Marry Him?My Profile