Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Thoughts for the Week

Thoughts for the Week i am not a role model batshit crazy  1139155 74531335 217x300Somehow, I managed to learn a few things this week.  Well, learn might be too strong a word.  But I’ve thought about stuff, stuff has happened, and I feel good about it.

1) I never did hear from Mr. 3 Dates and it’s pretty certain at this point I never will. Oh well. I guess I dodged a bullet. I’m sure there are people who think that if I waited and told him after he knew me better that things would have ended up differently, but I don’t think so.  I think he would have acted similarly after 5 dates, or 20 dates. This way I got less hurt.

AND, not to sound like sour grapes, because this really isn’t about that, but I also have to say that the whole thing with Mr. 3 Dates brought to mind a conversation I had with friends, not too long ago.  You see, Mr. 3 Dates was a woo-er.  He talked a big game about how much he liked me and wanted to spend time with me, well into the future.  And, well, I didn’t not that that. I like being swept off my feet.  I like having a guy woo me, being really into me from early on.  I like (maybe to a pathological degree) the security that seems to bring.  The sense that it’s safe to fall in love because I know, with relative certainty, that the guy likes me first/more. This isn’t something I ever realized until a friend pointed it out to me, btw. Mr. 3 Dates was wooing me.  He was trying hard.  And it was nice.  Comforting.  Hell, it’s been a while. This is not, however, the type of thing that makes for healthy , in my experience.

2) I broke a major rule last week.  I met someone who first contacted me via the .  For a date.  And it was nice.  But I won’t be seeing him again.  Not that he did anything wrong, or that I think it was bad to date someone who contacted me from this universe (maybe I’ll do it again).  It’s just that he reminded me, too much, of someone I used to care deeply about.  And not in a good way.  All of the bad ways, in fact.  So much so that it was kinda painful. So I shut that down before it could really start.

3) Lastly, yesterday I tweeted this, “Sometimes I need to remind myself – we teach people how to treat us. Accept bullshit -> receive more bullshit.”  I was amazed by the number of retweets it got.  I guess there are a lot of people who could relate.  Which is comforting.  As for accepting bullshit, I’m trying to get better about that. But the reality is, I’m still stuck in my lifelong pattern of taking way too much until I can’t take it anymore and then just walking away.  Still, I’m only 40.  Maybe this is the year I get it right.

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14 to “Thoughts for the Week”

  1. Lan says:

    i really enjoyed today’s post. lesson #1 really resonated with me and i loved #3.

  2. sandralm39 says:

    I hope this weekend is light and fluffy :)
    Maybe a nice walk in the park which leads to a great looking guy walking his tiny dog which leads to romance.

    I’m hopeless, I know.

  3. Jolene says:

    Boo to Mr. 3 Dates!! But I agree that it is better to know now than later…and I am all for breaking rules to go on dates with men that contact you here, how do I get that to happen to me? ;-P Mostly kidding, because I can see why it is a rule, but I still think it is kinda neat.

    • Simone Grant says:

      I have very mixed feelings about it. So many of the people (bloggers, social media people) that I meet can’t separate their preconceived notions of SG from ME – who I am in person/for real. And so dating someone from this world seems shaky.

  4. Sandyvs says:

    Sounds like you did a lot of emotional growing this week. That’s one of the many great things about aging. This time, you ‘saw’ the same things in your date that reminded you of a bad experience. You may not have seen these things before,(or made the connection) and would’ve kept repeating the same pattern. This is one way you will break the pattern.
    It’s good that you broke another one of your rules. Our lives and thoughts and feelings are constantly changing and you don’t want to be so rigid in your personal rules that you miss out on something that could be fantastic. There are enough rules we have to follow in our lives, your personal ones should be flexable.
    Glad you’re feeling good!

  5. Leah says:

    Mr. 3 Dates does not seem very sincere. I’m working on that too (walking away when I sense bs). It’s difficult! Good to know I’m not alone :)

    • Simone Grant says:

      YOU ARE NOT ALONE. And no, I don’t think he was sincere. Frankly, I believe the old line about men being either charming OR sincere, but seldom both. I believe it, but I forget sometimes.

  6. I can totally relate to that, but are you sure about blog boy, not even a second date? Could you be putting up a wall out of fear?

  7. Lindsey says:

    That’s actually a really brilliant saying.

    And going on a date with someone from the blogosphere. Been there, done that…didn’t end well. :o) But oh well, you never know til you try. :o)

  8. Sequel says:

    I learned lessons this week too.

    After my last break up a few months ago I got to thinking about how I fall into being swept off my feet too easily. How I find myself in relationships that feel like a fairy tale to me. I’ve made a decision to not go for that again. I don’t want to be swept of my feet the next time. I want my next relationship to be firmly rooted and I want to have my feet on the ground and not my heart floating in the ether. Of course we’ll see how that goes. ;)