Testing My Mettle: Walking Away from Almost Perfect, Part 2
Today’s the day! We finally get to read Part 2 of Testing My Mettle (click here for Part 1) by Skye Blue.
Testing My Mettle: Walking Away from Almost Perfect, Part 2
I know what you all are thinking. Run. Skye. Run. Trust me, I thought it too and I’m sure I even willed my feet to move, but as I gazed up into his Almost Perfect eyes, I couldn’t. Instead I silently cursed the Lord for dropping a near perfect man into my lap, only to throw up a huge road block before things got off the ground. I think I eventually mumbled something like, ‘Why would you be on a dating site then?’
I’m sure he answered me, but I don’t remember what he said. I was too busy trying to get the sirens going off in my head to stop. Before I could collect my thoughts and get the hell out of dodge he ‘made’ me promise to go out with him just one more time before making a decision, and then gave me a hug goodbye. As I drove off, I chastised myself for agreeing to go out with him again, all the while knowing that I wasn’t about to cancel it.
Well folks, our second date ended up being even better than the first; because in addition to the walking and talking, there were even a few kisses (you’re not surprised are you? I told you from the start I was crazy). But it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. We ended up discussing the elephant in the room so to speak, and I let him know that despite the fact that he was Almost Perfect and I enjoyed his company, I doubted that we were ever going to hang out again. His response?
‘I hate hearing that, because I’ve really enjoyed the time we’ve spent, and as short as it’s been I think you’re really cool. But I hear you and I know you’ve got to do what’s best for you, so I’ll respect whatever decision you make.’
Sigh…Did I mention already that he was Almost Perfect?
Later that night, as I drove home, a battle raged in my head. One part of me (the hopeful, delusional and lusting part) was saying,
‘But he’s fiiiiine and amazing. You can’t walk away from that. Just hang out with him and keep it light until his situation changes. You can do it, just keep your legs closed and it will be alright.’
Meanwhile, the other part of me (my practical, realistic side; the part of me that is totally and completely the daughter of Ms. Mama Blue, the soldier – with a gansta lean) said,
‘Are you really still entertaining this bullshit? Girl, you know better than this. You need to tell him not to call you until his shit is correct, and then back the hell away from that man – RIGHT NOW!’
When I got home I decided to sleep on it. Of course, I ended up dreaming about him –kinda. I actually dreamt that I was telling the whole story to my girl Michie, the resident sage in my life. In my dream she listened attentively, then took a very long, deep breath and said (in her typical cut throat style),
‘Skye, you know it’s situations like this that have otherwise sane and smart women, women much like you, saying shit like, “Oh yeah, it’s true, my man and his ex, are expecting a child, but it’s all good – I’m cool” to their friends and family. You really want to risk being that girl?’
Can you guess who was up at her computer bright and early the next morning sending a Dear John email to Almost Perfect? That’s right – me. Now, I’m not going to front. I let that man know that if his situation changes in the next few months that he needs to call me (Don’t judge me he was hella fine. You would have too). But for now I’m so not going there. Ain’t no amount of hot, sweet, smart and almost perfect-ness worth that kind of stress.
Was making the decision hard? Yes. Even though I realize that if I kept seeing him I would have become a neurotic, unhappy and clingy mess – not at all the type of woman I want to be or that he’d want to date – there’s still a part of me (you remember my hopeful, delusional and lustful side, right?) who wants to call him back and revel in all his charms, if you catch my drift. But here’s the thing. I’ve learned that making the decision to do right by myself, to choose me, so to speak is often hard – brain twisting-ly so. Why? Because it challenges me to go against all my patterns and learned behaviours – ways of being that as easy, familiar and comforting as they may be in the moment, no longer serve me.
What else to say? Am I a little saddened when I think about the fact that I can’t go for a walk and then spend the rest of my day and night canoodling with Mr. Almost Perfect, who lives a mere 15 minutes from my house – even in rush hour traffic (FML). Hell yeah. But more importantly, I am proud of myself for not letting lust, emotion and maybe even a little loneliness, override my logic, good common sense and resolve to take good care of myself and my heart as I navigate the crazy world of dating. So…
Two snaps and a hip bump for me,
S
Check out Met Another Frog for more of Skye’s writing.
Tags: hell, lust, Online dating, second date
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YES! It is so refreshing to read about someone making the ‘right’ decision for themself! The thing is, if he feels about you the same as you do about him, he’ll be back, for sure. I was in almost the same situation, except by the time he actually got out of his relationship, I had lost quite a bit of respect and interest for him. Because he wanted to ‘hang out’ with me while he was still in the relationship. He was on a dating site while he was still living with someone. That doesn’t say much about his character. Well, it doesn’t say much good about his character.
When I wrote this piece, I was still super smitten. Now that I have some much needed distance and perspective on how things went, I have to say I’m more inclined to agree with you. At the very least his choice to be on an online dating site claiming to want a relationship, while still living with his ex, makes me question his judgement.
Wow, interesting story (well more than interesting). But do you know why he was not looking for an apartment? I am glad you did whatever felt best for you (I don’t think there is right or wrong, I am not one of the feminist types, I think each situation is individual). But I can’t quite understand why he is not not moving out, regardless of his dating life.
According to him, he’s not moving out because the lease – which is in his name – isn’t up until early next year. And apparently, the ex isn’t moving out because she can’t afford to yet.
3 snaps with a twist to you! I did nearly the same thing a month ago: Met an incredible man, so much in common, chemistry, yadda-yadda-yadda. The turd in the punchbowl? Recently divorced (UNDER 2 yrs. – what REALLY went wrong?), with 3 – that’s THREE – small children UNDER the age of SIX!! WTF?! In a word? RUN. *sigh* 2 dates, lots of phone calls, e-mails, texts – I *was* really digging this man – BUT – elephant in the room was just TOO BIG. THREE KIDS!! 4 yr. old TWINS (boy & girl) & 5 yr. old son – geez. I agonized, mainly because he’s an upper-level type at a LARGE software company in Seattle that we’ve all heard of (so the income thing isn’t an issue as much), BUT he also travels a lot for the J-O-B. Has the kiddles every other weekend and Thursday from 4-8. Pffft. Gave him the “Dear Joe” e-mail, complete with Shakespeare reference (“To thine own self be true”), and just told him I can’t do it as I’d be FIFTH on the list (1-3 are the kids, 4 is job, 5 is relationship). Wanted SOOOOO bad to convince myself otherwise, as he also is “geographically desirable” (lives 5 mins. from me in downtown Seattle) – BUT . . . the thought of being the “stepmom” to such small kids just made me ill. I’m 44, child-free and love my life; I would only entertain dating someone with kids if said kid/s were basically GROWN; but for the next 12 years he’s got: Soccer, dance classes, karate, etc., etc., etc., assorted “Oh, sorry Hon, my ex needs to do ______, and I have to take the kids tonight” situations that I. JUST. DON’T. WANT. *SIGH* So sad as it was, I walked on. De-friended him from facebook, too. Ouch. But what’s the point? He wanted to stay “friends” – yeah, RIIIIGGHHTT . . . And have him mooning and being goopy and still hoping (fingers crossed!) that I’d “come to my senses” and just give in? NOT!! You did the right thing for you by walking away – THAT is strength, and knowing that you DESERVE a real man; one who is truly AVAILABLE to love and be loved! Ciao!
“You did the right thing for you by walking away – THAT is strength, and knowing that you DESERVE a real man; one who is truly AVAILABLE to love and be loved! Ciao!”
Amen to all of that! And good on you too.
Like your article…hate the word “hella”.