Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Is it too early to be disappointed?

It’s not particularly late on Tuesday morning and I still haven’t heard from the potential new man in my life/aka Mr. 3 Dates. We ended our date on Sunday night with a rather chaste kiss on my corner (he hasn’t yet made an effort to really kiss me, even though he’s said some rather grand things).  Moments earlier I’d handed him a card with the name of my and my pen name (we talked about it over drinks, but didn’t address it by name).

I have to assume that he went home and read some of it. And maybe didn’t like what he saw?

I don’t know.

All I know is that I feel like I should have maybe heard from him by now. Especially as I’d just revealed this big thing about myself to him. Made myself vulnerable.

Anyway, I’m feeling .  Like I picked wrong.  Again. I was thinking (hoping), just maybe, I’d found someone who could be that person.  And now I don’t feel that way.

Maybe it’s too early.  Maybe he just needs time to digest whatever new info he’s gleaning about me?  Or maybe I am only capable of really liking the wrong men?  Still.

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24 to “Is it too early to be disappointed?”

  1. Katie says:

    HUGS. Totally bummer. Well if he took it that way, so be it! There are other fab men out there! Its a hard world out there when we [women] open ourselves up to men as we feel comfortable and have nothing to loose [or not thought of] and bam we get hurt or don’t hear back from that guy.

    oh well. Keep up with other dates!

    Keep that chin up.

  2. Random question – why the need to tell him about the blog so early on? Just curious…

    • Simone Grant says:

      Not a random question at all. I told him when I did because I had the strong sense that it would matter to him. A lot. And that the longer I waited, the more it would matter.

      And so I told him before I allowed myself to get invested in the relationship. Before I got attached. So that if he couldn’t deal, then it wouldn’t be too much of a loss for me.

      • I find this particularly interesting, in that I’ve only recently become a blogger myself. Since blogging I’ve not met a guy who I’ve been interested in enough to consider sharing The Single Filez with, but I often wonder what it will be like when I do. Sorry this particular situation didn’t work for you, who knows? It could’ve just been the wrong guy. The next guy you decide to tell about the blog might be absolutely fine with it. One of those things… chin up indeed!

  3. Sheila says:

    I’m sorry you’re bummed. It probably is too early to obsess over it, but it’s hard not to sometimes.

    For what it’s worth, my boyfriend was unaware of my blog until after we’d been dating for more than a year. Not because I didn’t want to share it, but because it just never really came up in conversation. I actually hadn’t realized I never sent him the link until I sent him a link to a new entry and he said, “You write this blog?” I said yeah, haven’t you seen it before? He replied, “Yeah I think I came across it once, just didn’t realize it was yours. You write really well!” And that was the end of the conversation. lol Maybe it just wasn’t an issue because my blog is more of an outlet for my writing than it is a part of making my living, so it’s not usually at the forefront of my thoughts like it would be if I made my living from it.

    At any rate, if this guy is worth his matter, he’ll get it. Chin up!

    • Simone Grant says:

      You’re right, it could be early to obsess over it (which never stopped me).

      The reality is that there are some men who’d care, and some who wouldn’t. Timing would have something to do with that, for some. But some could never be OK with that. And that is something I have to be OK with.

  4. D says:

    Suggestion. If you’re going to bring up the blog, ask very pointed questions about how they react to it. Tell him some guys get insecure about it and you don’t want to waste your time with insecure guys. If you don’t have the balls to deal with the consequences, you shouldn’t put it out there so soon. At least by asking about it you’ll get something closer to the truth.

    • Simone Grant says:

      :-) I didn’t mention how I told him.
      As to having the balls to deal with the consequences… who says I don’t. Perhaps this is a wheat from the chaff sort of thing. That doesn’t mean I don’t get to be disappointed in the results.

  5. Leah says:

    I agree with the other comments. I think it’s too early to tell the guy about your blog. It’s not wrong, it’s just not advantageous for you because he doesn’t know you well enough yet. Once you get established, it shouldn’t be a big deal to a guy if you have a blog or not. But before that point, he might think it’s weird to mention it so early on.

    • Simone Grant says:

      I’ve NOT mentioned it for months. And then it becomes this weird/hard thing to bring up.

      I know bloggers who mention it before the first date.

      I don’t think there’s a right time and wrong time. Just something I’m going to have to feel out, each and every time.

  6. Lara says:

    Personally, Simone, I think should do whatever the hell your instincts are telling you to do! It’s your blog, your date, your life. And if this dating dance isn’t to determine which partners deserve a permanent spot on your dance card, what is? You absolutely get to be disappointed. I was writing recently about the “sliding into possibility” with another person. Having that slide stopped short is difficult – regardless of how “early” it is in a relationship. You put yourself out there; I imagine it is one of your most impressive gifts. We both know you wouldn’t want someone who can’t appreciate that kind of authenticity. Maybe he will – or not, but you certainly deserve a man who does!

    • Catalina says:

      I completely agree with Lara. If your instincts were telling you to tell him about your blog then be glad you did and don’t have any regrets. If you’re disappointed, don’t dismiss that. It’s your genuine reaction to he situation. Give him a little time and if he doesn’t come around then consider yourself saved from an incompatible mate. Hang in there Simone. — @cmcandela

    • Simone Grant says:

      Thanks. I like that phrase, “sliding into possibility”. It captures the experience.
      And YES, I do deserve to meet someone who will appreciate the fact that I put myself out there/here (instead of only thinking about how it will affect him).

  7. Jean says:

    I’m with Lara. If you thought that it was the right time, that he was someone that needed to know early on in the dating process, then you need to follow your instincts. I HATE when you (I) become vulnerable & open myself up to someone, only to be rejected. Maybe he just needs time to digest the information. If he doesn’t call again, then he probably wasn’t a good match for you, anyway. But I hope he calls…

  8. Melissa says:

    So, I used to run a rather popular website that was… somewhat risque. When I was younger, I always thought that honesty was the best policy when dating. Therefore, I’d usually blurt out some stuff about my website right away. I found out through experience that this really shaped certain people’s view of me in a way that wasn’t quite accurate. A better way to go about it would be to enjoy dating at first, casually. I wouldn’t lie, but I wouldn’t volunteer too much information. If there is indication that things are getting more serious, then I’d talk to the person about it.

    Still, all that said… the right person won’t be freaked out by your blog.

  9. pups4me says:

    I’m with Lara and Catalina–you should do what you want based on your gut and you still have the right to be disappointed.

  10. sandra says:

    If I were the guy, I might worry that you’d talk about how bad his kiss was or how he was too hairy or too smelly. We are all insecure and noone likes to think the best in people…you always tend to go for the worst.

    Good luck, hopefully he was just constipated and could not call.


  11. It may just be me and my heavy immersion in social media, but I assume every phone call/voicemail is recorded, every interaction is tweetable, every public appearance can be photographed or YouTubed and every date may be the subject of a blog post. Could just be the paranoia talking, but I wonder how often it occurs to others? I just shrug it all off because what makes me fair game makes others fair game as well. I suspect I have more fun with others than they have with me :-)

    Just musing, in light of the Mell Gibson tapes, Tiger’s texts, Hoff’s hamburger video…..

    • Simone Grant says:

      You’re a sensible person. I know that everything I write here will eventually be public, even though I try to keep my “real name/real life” separate from it.