Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

When Independence Sucks

The last couple of weeks have been hard for me.  Physically.  I haven’t been feeling well and when that happens, well everything else falls apart. My apartment looks like a bomb hit it.  And my life feels completely upside down. So many things that I should have done, need to do, want to do.

But can’t.

It’s at times like these that I start to think, life would be so much easier if I had a husband.  Someone to take care of me when I’m .  To clean the apartment.  And call the drs office, and the insurance company and the drug store…  To manage my family and make sure my bills are paid.  To be there. Here.

Not that I can think of a man who I’ve been seriously involved with in the past 15 years who’d be good at that stuff.  Nope.  I seem to have gone out of my way to date men who wouldn’t be there for me.  Who I couldn’t count on.


Sorry about the pity party.  Like I said, I’ve had a rough couple of weeks.  I’m worn down and exhausted and seriously overmedicated. And vulnerable.  Too vulnerable.

Suddenly, my independence seems like folly.  Like an experiment gone bad.

The good news is, I’m starting to feel better.  Better today that yesterday.  And I have every reason to hope that tomorrow will be better than today.  So maybe I’ll be loving my life again by the end of the week.

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10 to “When Independence Sucks”

  1. Jolene says:

    Aw – I am glad you are feeling better and the pity parties are usually – almost always – warranted and I would totally feel the same way…and in fact, I feel that way often these days too, sort of similar to a post I wrote called “I’m tired.”

  2. Leah says:

    Awww feel better Simone! Think of it this way, yes you may be missing some of the benefits of married life, but you are also avoiding it’s pitfalls. Married life is only like you describe for a certain percentage of marriages (maybe a minority)? You could be having to clean for yourself and your husband…

    • Simone Grant says:

      It’s funny that you say that. I really can’t imagine most of the men I’ve been involved with caring for me when I’m sick. I can imagine then calling a cleaning service, but that’s about it :-)

  3. michelle says:

    Feel better, Simone. I know things will look up soon. I can definitely relate – when I’m feeling physically vulnerable, I would much rather have someone taking care of me than having to fend for myself!

    • Simone Grant says:

      I guess that’s why people are always telling me that I need to think about who’s going to care for me when I’m old. The idea that our children will be there to care for us when we’re physically vulnerable in our old age. Ugh. I figure I’ll be used to it by then.

  4. Everybody needs to throw a pity party every once in a while…the sooner you can get those invitations out, get some cake and eat some chips, watch some movies and talk with the gang (in your head)…the sooner you can wrap it up and get back to the good times :) Feel better soon!

  5. I hope by now you are feeling much better. I had a husband. He was a raging alcoholic. I got married for all the wrong reasons, and I am still paying the consequences. Anyone can get married. That’s easy. The hard part is having the courageous to wait for the right man who will take care of you when you are sick. You seen like an incredibly smart lady, and I am extremely happy I stumbled upon this blog. Cheer up :)

  6. Sorry for the typo’s in my last message. A few too many xaxax this evening. After all… it is Saturday night, and I am blogging.

  7. Constance says:

    This never ending heat wave has me feeling punk so I empathize. Can’t say it would be any different with a partner though. The furniture needs dusting and the vacuum has been idle. At least the laundry has been getting done and the bedroom and bath are clean.