Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

I’d Rather Be Safe

There’s this guy I’ve been meaning to meet for a couple of weeks. I would have gotten together with him last weekend, but I wasn’t feeling well.

Anyway, we’re trying to set plans for next week.  And he keeps suggesting that we take a ride out to the beach. And since NYC is in the midst of a dreadful heat wave, that sounds like a great idea for a date.  A walk on the beach.  Except for the whole ride thing.

He’s mentioned several times that he has a car (a luxury item in my world). And so he’s thinking we’ll hop in his car and drive out to the beach.

I’ve suggested alternative plans:  A walk along the river.  Not quite the same, but it will have to be good enough, as I don’t get into cars with men on the first date.  It’s against my safety rules.

Which brings me to another topic.  A couple of them, I guess.

Recently there was a tragic murder in the Philly area and the local press seized on the fact that the couple met online. Because is this scary and scandalous thing and people should be afraid of it. Never mind the fact that recent data puts total US users of sites at 40 million people, so we online daters are hardly a fringe group.

We live in a violent world, full of people who do horrible, violent things. Sucks.  I am always mindful, when I date, that I’m meeting a stranger. Someone I don’t know and shouldn’t trust.  And that I need to be careful. I feel this way about every date, not just guys I meet online.  Because guys I meet online are no more or less likely to be horrible, violent predators than guys I meet anywhere else.

And FWIW, I’d just like to point out that a woman in the US is far more likely to be raped/assaulted on a college campus by someone she knows that by a man she meets via online dating.

Anyway, I’m meeting this new guy for a nice walk along the river.  It’s a safe date that I feel comfortable with.

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7 to “I’d Rather Be Safe”

  1. Lena.FM says:

    Good points!!!

    When I went on dates with unknown people I would usually text my best friend with all the details and ask her to call me at some point. Says me who risked her life more times than the hungry meows my cat emits every morning.

  2. Esme says:

    I let a friend hook me up with one of her friends, and this dude tried to rape me 20 minutes after meeting him. We had a mutual friend!!! Thought I would be safer with him…apparently not.

  3. Katie says:

    I totally agree its always good to set some safety rules before you go out on a date. Unfortunately you never know what can happen.

    I know you always play safe. Keep up the good work

  4. Sandyvs says:

    Thank you for the extra reminder here. Most of my first dates are afternoon, early evening dates and rarely involve alcohol, but it is easy to get complacent in this situation. I try to keep in mind how smooth Ted Bundy was, and the fact that I would’ve probably fallen for his pleas for help or his charm. I pay attention to what they say on the phone as well as on the date. I’m pretty good at reading faces, and a lot of times that reveals a lot more to me about the person than what their words are saying. Also, never doubt your ‘gut’ feelings, especially if they’re telling you something is not adding up. When you have time to analyze them, you’ll most likely find out that they weren’t.

  5. Sandyvs says:

    Also, never doubt your ‘gut’ feelings, especially if they’re telling you something is not adding up.

    something that is NOT adding up.

  6. Sandyvs says:

    One more thought…only because if the girl in that story had done this, she might still be alive….(she would’ve found out he was an ex-con on parole)it costs about $50 to have someone totally checked out online. If it gets to the point where it’s getting serious, that is a VERY small price to pay for a LOT of information.

  7. Tony says:

    I think saying “We live in a violent world, full of people who do horrible, violent things.” is very extreme. I think it’s human tendency to focus on the bad things and of course, it may make us feel like people are just being beaten all over the place. Look at the evening news for example…murders, shootings and robberies detail the beginning segment while all the good news trails in the end. The dating world isn’t full of crazy people that are beating people.

    That being said, you should take always take the necessary precautions not to put yourself in a bad or unsafe situation that you cannot get out of with anyone you meet for a date.

    Thankfully the world is more full of “normal” people than violent offenders

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