A couple of weeks ago I was at a daytime BBQ at a friend’s place (one of my favorite things about summer, rooftop BBQs) when one of the other guests started to get herself together to leave early. She had a date and wanted to go home to change.
As she was saying her goodbyes, she and I talked a bit about what she was going to wear that night. She’d put a lot of thought into it. A lot. A LOT.
More thought than I’ve ever put into getting dressed for a date. And so I said something to that effect, like ‘wow, I never give it that much thought’.
And she replied, “Do you have a goal?”
To which I replied, “Huh?”
And she explained that she wanted to get married and have a kid/kids. That was her goal. She was focused on it and making that happen. And so planning what to wear was just part of working towards her goal. She’s in her early 30s.
My reaction was twofold – first, to reply honestly that, “No, I don’t have a goal. I was never all that committed to wanting a family and marriage isn’t really something I’m sure about. Never was. I date. And like having a partner. But that’s about it.”
And then, I just had to acknowledge how awesome she is. She wasn’t coming off the least bit desperate (at least not to me, and I know guys who know her and I think they’d all say the same). She knows what she wants and is taking responsibility for going after it. I have to respect that.
I’d describe myself as very goal-oriented, when it comes to work and most areas of my life. I focus on something, figure out what it takes to get it and then do what it takes. But when it comes to relationships… I haven’t ever done that. I’m just out here, meeting new guys all the time and hoping that one of them feels right. Kinda like shopping in a giant flea market, with no idea what I might like to buy. Maybe I’ll come home empty-handed, or maybe I’ll wind up with a priceless treasure? Either way, I don’t see the downside.