Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

So everyone knows that Simone Grant is a pen name. No big deal. My family doesn’t know about the and I don’t tell the guys I date up front. I have told a couple of them, at random times, kinda like an experiment.  And a couple others have found out.  None of that truthfulness went particularly well, btw.

Honestly, it’s not that hard to find out. To figure the whole damn thing out, I mean.

Which brings me to last night’s date. Damn, I made a mess.

Last night was my 2nd date with the Younger Man. On our first date he checked into foursquare, making a point of showing me that he was checking in. I’d told him I was in social media, so… During our date I let several big clues drop.  Big clues. Things that, if he were to spend 3 minutes on google he would have figured out my online persona and then found the blog.

So I went into last night’s date with the assumption that he knew. Because I assume that that’s the type of thing people do (remember clues that people drop about themselves and then google the shit out of them).

Needless to say, I was on edge. And when I’m on edge, I have a hard time being in the moment. I just kept thinking that he knew and wasn’t telling me and that we were playing some silly game. So eventually I asked. In the most ridiculous, tongue-tied, dumb-ass way imaginable, I asked him if he’d figured out who my online persona was.

And then we had this really weird conversation where he thought I was disappointed that he hadn’t googled things I said. Because he hadn’t. Or he said he hadn’t, I guess it’s possible he was lying, but I don’t see that. And I told him that I wasn’t, at all, disappointed that he hadn’t, but I thought he might and that had caused me to stress out.

Anyway, he guessed from my complete freakishness that I had a dating blog and I offered to tell him the name/my name and he declined.  He said he didn’t need to know and just asked that I didn’t write anything that would get him in trouble at his work (and I assured him it wasn’t that kind of blog, I don’t do those details). But we all know that now that he knows I have a dating blog it would take him less than a minute to find it.

Arghhhh.I don’t even know what to say. I’m feeling kinda awful and icky about the whole thing. By handling the blog disclosure as poorly as I did, I made it impossible for me to enjoy the date.  The funny thing is, he seemed fine with it all. He texted goodnight last night and again this morning to ask me out, again.


18 to “Open Mouth, Insert Foot”

  1. Lena.FM says:

    Haha, from the title of your blog I thought it was going to be about foot fetish! Good luck darling. Hope it goes well!

  2. Katie says:

    So Simone Grant is a code name. Never knew that. Good call!
    Well I hope he contacts you back for another date. I guess I sorta understanding you just find out the girl your on a date with does blogs that are geared at relationships/dating scene. Might be spooky then.

    Good luck and keep you chin up.

  3. Terry says:

    So I tried to put myself in his position here. Thought about it – and if I were dating you I would be just fine with it. Because, what is the down side?

    The up side is — you could get a window into how you think – so a person who dates you could look at the blog and say “ah ha – that is what she is thinking.”

    And if things ended badly – well, its ok – all are protected.

    In fact, I think many would love to have a “pen name” blog – so you could see and understand where the other person is coming from. After all – full disclosure is over-rated in person, but somehow, with a pen name, it is ok.

    So there is all the upside here — and no downside.

  4. Jolene says:

    Ah! Was it one of those moments where you see yourself talking and want to tell yourself to shut up, or slap yourself and start over? But you can’t? I’m sure it was more weird for you than him, but still sucks! Glad he asked you out again!

  5. Zoë says:

    Simone, I have SO been here before! When I like someone eventually I want to tell him about my blog but I also get scared he might want to read it.

    A similar thing happened to me a couple of months ago when my French boyfriend at the time saw me texting a few other bloggers and wanted to know what was up. When I eventually told him about the blog, he was totally nonplussed and when I asked if he’d like the URL to read it, he said he didn’t. Even MORE surprisingly, my mom (the same mom who wants to know in detail the type of birth control I use) didn’t want to read my blog either. So…go figure.

    My new philosophy is just to say nothing. It seems to do the trick. 😉

  6. Sandyvs says:

    I can understand why you would want to keep your real name unattached to your blog, but your blog is a pretty big part of your real life. I think it would be hard not to talk about or share something like this with someone that you’re starting to get to know. That may be because I’m so open about my life with people that it would probably be impossible for me not to share that.
    I also agree with the above posters that I would love to find out how a guy I’m dating really, honestly thinks about certain issues.
    There are a LOT of people out there that couldn’t care less about reading blogs or other people’s opinions of various subjects, including dating.
    You may have written about this and I missed it, but how would YOU feel if you were dating a guy and he told you he was a dating blogger after say, the 2nd date. Or, say he didn’t tell you for 6 months into the relationship? I think I would feel great if he told me after the 2-3rd date, but if he kept that a secret from me for3-6 months, I don’t think I’d feel too good about that.

    • Simone Grant says:

      I have no plans to wait til I’m deep into a relationship with someone before I disclose (although my nature is to NOT share stuff). At the same time, it’s a matter of “right” timing. Whatever that means. As to whether/when I’d want t guy to reveal similar info? I have a feeling I’d probably not care as long as he tried to keep things anon.

  7. Lucky Girl says:

    I like how this guy handled it, darling. He might be a keeper.
    At the very least, you should now be able to enjoy date number 3.

  8. charlie says:

    I think you are over reacting to the importance of it all.
    Some guys may not really understand what a blog of this type really means. Hell, I didn’t before I started reading yours…
    If he seemed fine with it, then move on.
    For Christ’s sake, enjoy the moment & stop fixating on reporting about it later & sabotaging yourself by leading him to read about himself later.

    • Simone Grant says:

      Moving on, yes I’ve heard of that. But, of course, “enjoying the moment” is something I’ve never been particularly good at when it comes to dating.

  9. michelle says:

    It sounds like he took it pretty well! I think you’re being too hard on yourself – it doesnt seem like it has bothered him as much as it’s bothering you. I think it’s a good sign he asked you out again!

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