Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

What a Jerk!

For starters, let me clarify that the jerk I’m referring to is me (or the jerk to whom I’m referring, if you want to be that way). I’ve committed a dating sin. And, yeah, I’m feeling bad about it.

There’s this guy I was emailing back and forth with on match.  He never asked for my phone number/to chat and so we never did. I was kinda looking forward to meeting him, but also not.  You see, he’s got lots of great qualities but in some ways is just not the kind of guy I feel comfortable dating.

In one big way, actually. Physically. He’s attractive. And I can think of many women I know who would think he’s cute. But he’s a big guy.  Not fat.  Big. Tall and broad and a little cuddly.  Probably played football when he was younger.  That type.

And while I don’t have a physical type and have no height requirements, I don’t particularly like to men who are much more than a foot taller than me.  Or much more than twice my weight.  It makes me feel uncomfortable.

Anyway… I wanted to meet him anyway.  Even though I knew he was physically outside the range of guys I usually feel comfortable with.  And we had plans for this past Saturday.  And then he said that he was having potential scheduling issues and could we change the time.  And I suggested that we just make it one night this week, instead.  He agree, thinking it was a good idea and we decided to meet tonight.

And then I got an invitation (Sunday, I think) to go with Mr. Dinner Date to a really fabulous event tonight. Something I really want to see.  And I emailed big, cuddly guy and told him the almost truth.  I told him the event in question and told him I got a last minute invite to attend (I didn’t mention it was a date) and could we reschedule.  He wrote back and said, no problem.  But then did not reply when I wrote back to suggest other dates/times.  So I guess the date is cancelled now. Not ever gonna happen.

So basically, I cancelled a date with person A to go out with person B because person B dangled a hot ticket in front of me. And now I’m feeling selfish and greedy.  I’m a jerk.

I’d make a lousy golddigger.


11 to “What a Jerk!”

  1. LuckyBroad says:

    Hmmm… am I a jerk for not thinking you’re a jerk?

  2. Katie says:

    Bummer. That reminds me when I was in college I would schedule two dates in one day. Always would be hard as I didn’t want them finding out about each other. I totally understand how you feel. Mr. A you wanted to just meet him and see what he was like, but Mr. B – Dinner Date guy had more to offer.

    But you told the truth. So that’s good.

    Have a good day 😀

  3. I second Lucky Broad. I don’t think you’re a jerk. I think you’re single and dating. Option B was more interesting so you went with. Don’t obsess over it and have fun tonight. I’ll be waiting for the post tomorrow.

  4. Oh yeah and my number one rule while I’m single and dating is I don’t owe anyone anything.

  5. Terry says:

    Oh SG SG SG SG —
    you torture yourself more than any would torture you.

  6. Leah says:

    you’re not a jerk Simone. This is why they call it dating. You can switch ships at any time when you see something better, because there’s no commitment yet, or expectation of commitment!

  7. Jean says:

    I’m with the rest of the commenters – no obligations to anyone at this point, so no need to feel guilty. If Mr. A was really into you & wanted to meet you, he would’ve been a little more flexible (and a little less ego-centric) and made other plans w/you. You were honest w/him – did he want you to lie? Go & have a good time, and stop beating yourself up – we’ve all done the same thing.

  8. Fortuna says:

    Wow, just one minute. He backed out on you first, right? “And then he said that he was having potential scheduling issues and could we change the time.” So why are you concerned about his feelings? Go and have a great time..

  9. Jolene says:

    Nah…I say once in awhile, it’s okay…we all do it, at least once. I admit to it too.

  10. Whoa Whoa there Miss Too Hard On Herself!!!

    You didn’t do anything wrong. In fact, you did everything right. You contacted him, told him the truth and tried to reschedule. You had never met him before. You didn’t owe him anything more than common courtesy (which is exactly what you gave him) and while it is too bad that perhaps his feelings might have been hurt (as it would be even if a friend bailed), he’s a grown up and will get over it. Sucks there’s no rescheduling but frankly if you don’t like the tall and stocky no biggie (and all the better for me…feel free to pass him my number lol!). Seriously though I really hope you didn’t continue to beat yourself up and instead went to the fabulous event whatever it was and had an awesome time :)

  11. Gweb says:

    He’ll get over it.