A few years back I had a job that required a bit of travel. More than a bit. Frequent. I didn’t mind the travel, it was the job I didn’t love, so I didn’t stick with it for that long. Just long enough.
This makes me incredibly happy. Ecstatic. Elated.
You see, not only is he one of my favorite people in the whole wide world to hang out with, but he’s also one of the few (very few) who I can’t bullshit. Nope. No bullshit ever.
He, along with a couple of other rare souls, sees right through my crap. He won’t buy my nonsense. He’s sees past it all.
Now, part of his ability comes from the fact that we’ve known each other forever. But only part. The rest comes from the fact that we have such similar values and worldviews, and that when we speak, we actually listen to one another. Really listen. So if, for example, I say, “I’m fine, work is good, I’m glad that X worked out the way it did.” He’ll hear the tone in my voice and know that what I meant was, “help me, I’m lost”. And he’ll reach out with a hand to save me. Or a shoulder to cry on. Whichever I need more.
Sometimes, and I’m pretty sure I mean this, I’m not sure how I feel about something until I talk to him about it. It’s like the thoughts are all trapped in my head. Going round and round. They circle and circle and I’ll go completely nuts trying to figure out what I’m supposed to feel until we speak. And then he says something obvious and I know. Oh, I’m not happy. Or I AM happy. Whatever.
Because, he sees ME so clearly that I’m able to see a clear(er) vision of myself when talking with him. Almost like a mirror, but one with his own personality that has the ability to show me the things about myself that I might otherwise miss. I’m not sure if that makes sense? I have been out of commission for over a week, so…
FWIW, I can’t get into a serious relationship without his stamp of approval. I need to know that he sees good things in the guy. And sees good things in the relationship. And sees me not doing self-destructive things to fuck up the relationship. All that stuff.
And so I’m going to go visit him for a while. We’ll probably be sick of each other by the time I leave, but that’s OK.
Also (odd endnote, but I couldn’t help but make this connection), I’d like to imagine that that’s what it will be like if I ever fall in love again. Having someone who see the real me. Behind all of the walls. That’s what other people talk about when they talk about being in love and I gotta say, it sounds kinda nice.
Tags: friends, Lucky