All things considered, I’m feeling pretty good about it. All things considered. I’m not going to talk much about my birthday plans because, frankly, those are for my real life. The life that exists without social media. No tweeting, no facebook, no blogging about it in advance.
I will say a few things about those plans though, as they are relevant to the post. I’d originally planned a large, non-traditional party. And things got complicated in ways that were stressing me out and so I stopped planning. I decided that I didn’t need the stress.
Instead I’m doing some things I truly love with people I really like. What more could I ask for?
The other day I was practically catatonic with sadness because none of the people I’m closest to in the world could spend time with me on my birthday. Some just live too far away, and others are too busy/had other commitments. Oh, and a family member scheduled a rather large occasion on my birthday, not realizing the conflict. So my family will be off celebrating with someone else. And I’m a grown-up so I get that these things happen. It’s only a date on the calendar. But it made me unbearably sad, for a little while. In the way that these things can.
I felt lonely, knowing the people I loved the most wouldn’t be with me. Also, because there’s no one in the world whose job it is to be there, just for me.
Anyway, I got over it when I remembered a silly thing I heard once. I’m not sure where: With each birthday we should look back at the previous year. And, in theory, we should have plenty to laugh about and cry about. If we’re not laughing and crying, then our year was lacking in passion and joy (or something like that).
When I look back at this year, um, I’m not afraid to admit that I could cry for hours. I had my heart stomped on (again), massive business stress, family stress, health stuff to worry about. I’m gonna stop there. Suffice it to say, I have plenty to cry about.
I also have plenty to laugh about. This year has been filled with joy. Lots and lots of joy. Some of it comes from here on the blog. I love writing and I love having an audience that actually thinks my words are worth reading. BIG JOY. And being a blogger has made me a member of a community, a community of fabulous people I wouldn’t have met otherwise, many of whom are now friends of mine. MORE JOY.
So I’ll be 40 in less than 10 days. I’ll be getting together with a small group of friends to celebrate. And the past year has been filled with passion and joy. That pretty much sums it up.
Tags: Birthday, family, stress