It’s was almost two weeks ago when Mr. Midwest and I said our (rather odd) goodbyes. I was happy-ish with the way things ended. And also tired. Of trying.
I tried hard. I thought. To do all of the things to “make it work”. Whatever the fuck that means.
Like I’ve done so many times before. *sigh*
I’m smart enough to know (now) that this isn’t about success or failure. That’s a dichotomy I refuse to buy into. And yes, even as I type that I know that there’s a part of me, deep down inside, that’s just wants to “win”. To succeed. To have everything fall into place. To pick the right guy at the right time and have him continue to be the right guy even after I let my guard down (instead of that whole Jekyll and Hyde thing I’ve experienced so many times before).
Anyway, I said I was going to take a week off from dating and then dive back in. Because that’s what I do. I get right back on that horse. Note: I once posted an online dating profile just 2 days after asking a man for my apt keys back. I’m really into the “get right back on that horse” thing.
But now it’s almost 2 weeks later and I’ve made no moves towards dating. I can say it’s because I’ve been busy. And that’s absolutely a part of the truth. But the bigger truth is that I’ve been thinking. A lot.
Tags: breakups, ex-boyfriend, guy, happiness