No, I’m not trying to be profound. Just pointing out that when I meet someone new (in whatever circumstance – online, at a party..) and I find myself attracted to him, I go out of my way to find things about him to like.
So, for example, if I meet some cute guy at a party and we’re talking I search for goodness in him. Seek out likable qualities and areas of mutual interest. Even if there’s plenty of evidence that mr.-cute-guy-at-the-party isn’t for me. I’ll keep looking. And, frequently, I find evidence to support the theory that I want to support.
This is what I was thinking the other night as I was talking with a friend. We’ve both taken, repeatedly, the I Will Never, Ever Date Another Musician oath. Repeatedly. And each time we go back on that oath, we do it because we think that this one is different. This one is really not at all like all of the other musicians who came before him. He’s responsible and generous and NOT self-involved. Oh, and mature. Very mature.
And maybe he is some of those things. All of those things. But, of course, (and here I can only speak for myself) these are qualities I discovered because I went searching for them. I saw what I wanted to see and found what I was looking for. A reason. Proof that the I Will Never, Ever Date Another Musician oath should not apply to him.
This isn’t a post about the evils of dating musicians (despite the pic). Rather, it’s just me thinking too much (AGAIN) about my dating habits and patterns.
I’ve started to look at some of the mail that’s been building up in my online dating inboxes, though it’s a bit overwhelming after ignoring it for a couple of weeks. I try to give everyone who falls within certain parameters a shot – age, location, relatively attractive. And as I read through my mail I gotta admit that YES, I’m trying really hard to find certain guys redeemable. The ones who are better candidates in terms of age, attractiveness, location (which for me equates to: Manhattan, 42-48, handsome) are the one’s whose profiles I go over in the hopes of finding some nugget of goodness. The others (a little younger or older (my actual age range is 40-52ish), other boroughs or burbs, not as good-looking) I read over and if there’s something there that interests me=cool, if not…
Not sure if this is a babbling mess or a coherent thought. I haven’t slept much lately. I guess my point is that maybe I’ve tried a little too hard, in the past, to find things to like in certain men. Or reasons to go out with them. And when I tried to find a reason, I did (find a reason).
And maybe now that I’m realizing just how often I’ve done that, and how silly it is (and how painful the results can be) it’s a habit I can break?
Tags: Online dating