So here’s a question for you, is falling in love a choice? Or, to be more grammatically accurate, do we choose to fall in love?
I’ve been thinking about this for days. Ever since I read KB in NYC’s great post, I’m Crazy for Loving You. In it, she writes about the fact that she’s yet to ever fall in love or to experience real heartache. And she wonders what it will take for her to take the plunge.
Which begs the question, is it a conscious choice?
I started to think about myself and my own, somewhat ridiculous history with love. I’ve been in love twice. There were some similarities in the guys’ personalities, but not many (one was a straight-edge, athletic academic and the other was a charismatic, artistic troublemaker). And not only were they both radically different from each other, they were each radically different from the men I usually date.
In fact, looking back, and trying to figure out what was going on in my head at the time(s) the one thing that sticks out for me is this – timing. I met each of these men at times of massive transition in my life. I was changing and open to change. My routines were no longer relevant, my tendency to bury myself in work was not an issue. I was open to love. And so when a man came along…
I’m not discounting my feelings, or their feelings (as in both cases it was pretty damn mutual)or how happy I was in the beginning or devastated I was in the end. Just pointing out that I was ready and open for it to happen. And so it could. My life was open for change and then I chose to make love a part of that change.
I have no idea if this is relevant to anyone else. Maybe other people are swept away by love at the least convenient times. Maybe others don’t realize they’re in love until it’s too late. But for me it was a choice. And I needed to have certain things in place to even be open to that choice.
I’d like to think I’m open to it again. My life is certainly in a stage of great transition. But the fact of the matter is, I don’t know.
Tags: change, heartache, love, timing