Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Open to Love

So here’s a question for you, is falling in a choice? Or, to be more grammatically accurate, do we choose to fall in love?

I’ve been thinking about this for days.  Ever since I read KB in NYC’s great post, I’m Crazy for Loving You. In it, she writes about the fact that she’s yet to ever fall in love or to experience real .  And she wonders what it will take for her to take the plunge.

Which begs the question, is it a conscious choice?

I started to think about myself and my own, somewhat ridiculous history with love. I’ve been in love twice. There were some similarities in the guys’ personalities, but not many (one was a straight-edge, athletic academic and the other was a charismatic, artistic troublemaker). And not only were they both radically different from each other, they were each radically different from the men I usually date.

In fact, looking back, and trying to figure out what was going on in my head at the time(s) the one thing that sticks out for me is this – .  I met each of these men at times of massive transition in my life. I was changing and open to . My routines were no longer relevant, my tendency to bury myself in work was not an issue. I was open to love. And so when a man came along…

I’m not discounting my feelings, or their feelings (as in both cases it was pretty damn mutual)or how happy I was in the beginning or devastated I was in the end.  Just pointing out that I was ready and open for it to happen. And so it could. My life was open for change and then I chose to make love a part of that change.

I have no idea if this is relevant to anyone else.  Maybe other people are swept away by love at the least convenient times. Maybe others don’t realize they’re in love until it’s too late.  But for me it was a choice.  And I needed to have certain things in place to even be open to that choice.

I’d like to think I’m open to it again.  My life is certainly in a stage of great transition. But the fact of the matter is, I don’t know.

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10 to “Open to Love”

  1. I’m not sure if I would consider it a conscious choice, but I think it depends on the person. For me, the one time I felt I was “in love” it totally caught me off guard and I wasn’t ready for it at all. And he was totally the last guy I ever thought I would fall for. I think even though I wasn’t ready I was still open to it. If any of that even makes sense. Great post!

  2. anny says:

    Relevant! As usual. :-)

  3. Jolene says:

    I love this post – I don’t have an answer to whether we choose to fall in love and whether it is conscious or not…part of me wants to think it’s a choice but the romantic part in me wants to think it isn’t, in a way. I too am open to love – and sometimes it is all about timing. Timing – something I wish we could control!

  4. singlegirlie says:

    I would suspect that yes, being open to love plays a huge role as to whether you will find it. But I don’t know that it’s conscious. It’s been how many thousands of years and we humans still can’t really pin down or explain how love happens. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons we’re all so obsessed with it – it’s part of the magic!

  5. mel says:

    I still think we lead parallel lives sometimes. I agree – your mind must be open to change (and love) in order to let love in. Honestly – happened to me once, when I was focusing on me and evolving myself, physically and mentally. Great post.

  6. brewers_rule says:

    I think it’s voluntary to the extent your heart has to be freely open to the idea. But whom you fall for is an entirely different matter. Then again, some of us believe in fate while others refuse to so I guess that’s where the REAL debate regarding it should begin.

  7. azarel says:

    Falling in love can simply be compared to the female orgasm :)

  8. KB IN NYC says:

    Falling in love is a choice. Okay, maybe not. But it is about being open, and ready. And yes, timing is everything. That being said, how many stories do you hear about people who weren’t even looking and bam, they fall madly and deeply in love. Often with someone they least expected.

    I think the universe enjoys poking fun at us. With love, of course.

    Great post as always Simone, and thanks so much for the mention.


  9. Terry says:

    Can you choose to fall? Nope. You can leap- but that is not a fall. And while that is all a nice simile it has a point.

    I was ready for love- maybe knew it- but maybe didn’t. In my conscious- I vowed I didn’t want it- was going to not even let a toothbrush stay overnight.

    Met her- felt it, fell — and took the leap

  10. Angelica says:

    Timing really is everything. The relationship I am in now proves to me this must be true. My boyfriend is my first and hopefully the only guy I have ever been in love with. I met him right before I moved across the country at age 23 (he was 30) and something in my gut told me he was very special. I liked him a lot, but I was moving and so after a few great dates, he said it was silly for us to get serious right before I left. He wanted me to go to CA and live it up and he thought a relationship would hold me back. He was of course right.
    We managed to stay friends with some make out sessions here and there and then 1 1/2 years ago, we just started talking about dating again, and we just decided to go for it. And, I still look back and am amazed by how easy it was to just fall in love. I didn’t employ any of my old techniques of holding back, pushing away, making excuses about why I didn’t want to get serious etc. I just let it happen. Turns out I am not a commitment phobe at all. I really believe timing is the reason it all worked out. We were both mentally, emotionally, and physically open to getting in a relationship. Even though we are great together and I do think he is “the one,” I am not so sure it would have worked out as well 5 years ago.