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Why Are We Even Talking About This – Safe Sex?

I’m a 39 (weeks away from ) year old women who enjoys a healthy sex life and not with a single, long-term partner. I don’t think of myself as promiscuous. But the fact that I have anywhere from 2-5 new partners a year + a fb that I’ve been seeing for years (who I don’t see when I’m in a relationship) would probably make me eligible for rating by many folks.

Whatever.  Everything is a matter of perspective.

That said, I get very uptight when it comes to some things.  Well, one thing = . You could call me fanatical.  I always have them in my apartment, and consider them a non-negotiable. Oh, and this isn’t about birth control. I have that covered.

Which is why I kinda freak out when – a) I’m in a new relationship and the guy tries, over and over, to get around using them and b) when I keep reading posts/articles about people just not using them.

Seriously people?  I don’t get it.  I know they make things less pleasurable. I get it. I have actually had sex without a condom(when I was in a committed relationship).  I know the difference.  But I’m willing to forego that extra level of good because I know that, well, I’m a 39 year old (almost 40) sexually active woman who has been sexually active for a couple of decades now and I’m still very healthy, thank you.  I haven’t collected a bunch of diseases (some of which might be life-threatening and untreatable). And yeah, I know condoms don’t prevent everything, they just make things safer. Safer is better than nuthin.

OK.  Enough with my rant/lecture (sorry, read something late last night that really annoyed the hell out of me). Here’s the . What about you good people out there in the blogosphere?

How often do you use condoms (when you are not in a committed, monogamous LTR)?

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18 to “Why Are We Even Talking About This – Safe Sex?”

  1. You say slut like it’s a bad thing. :-)

  2. KB IN NYC says:

    Simone, I wholeheartedly concur. If it’s not on, it’s not in. Simple as. I don’t get people who think having unprotected sex (outside of a committed LTR) is okay.

    By all means, be as slutty as you want. Just for heaven’s sake be safe about it.

  3. AnonymousJane says:

    Can someone also please pose the question as to why it is that men NEVER seem to carry condoms?! I swear, on the occasions things actually make it into the bedroom, I am ALWAYS the supplier. What is with them not carrying? Is it just their way of getting around having to use one?

    Ugh…so annoying.

  4. Gia says:

    Condoms are required. I am 20 years old and terrified of getting pregnant or catching a disease. If the guy doesn’t want to wear a condom then I won’t sleep with him.

  5. Misty Kaye says:

    I’m so with you on this. One time I went home with a guy I’d met in a bar a couple of times and we started having sex. At one point he reached down and started fiddling with something and I said, “Did you just take off the condom?” He had. I was done. He said condoms made it difficult for him to stay hard. Too bad. Unfortunately, that was the only condom I had on me (again, a case of guys not carrying them) so he spent the rest of the night begging me to just do it anyways since we both -claimed- to be STD free. He was totally clueless, and I never went out with him again.

  6. Skye Blue says:

    I am both relieved and sad to know that I am not the only one hearing things like, “I hate condoms, I can’t stay hard” from men.

    This line is so pitiful, because I’m sure that no one actually likes condoms – those of us who care about our health and protecting the health of others we come into contact with just understand that it is a necessity. Period.

    As far as I’m concerned no amount of “Come on baby, it will feel so much better” is worth risking the health of the vag i’ve worked so hard to keep STD free all my life.

  7. NoMoreDuds says:

    “I am both relieved and sad to know that I am not the only one hearing things like, ‘I hate condoms, I can’t stay hard’ from men.”

    Have you considered the fact that it’s actually true? It’s a physical problem. I’m not suggesting that you have sex without a condom if you don’t want to but, for some people, the risk-reward tips in favor of not using them. The general population is at very low risk for exposure to HIV and the dreaded herpes is very common anyway and very typically spread through oral sex (and condoms don’t protect against that anyway.) The other stuff is annoying but mostly curable. But, why let facts get in the way of good old fashioned condom marketing!

    • Kelly says:

      This comment creeps me right out. The fact that you would put your personal pleasure in the moment above someone else’s lifelong health by saying that it’s just not that important to you if they get sick – (no biggie, get some pills! Dozens of them, daily, for life! Easy-peasy!)- That’s gross. It sounds like the “risk/reward” benefits only you, for your convenience. And I don;t have herpes, and have no interest in exposing myself to that risk without MY explicit permission – and my permission would be denied to anyone I was casually dating.

      I broke up with the last person I was dating because, though we’d been having sex for several months, we were not committed to a relationship, and he tried one day to stick it in without a condom, despite the fact that he knew well that condoms were not optional. No, I didn’t tell him why that was the last date we had. I felt very betrayed by that, and as though my health and choices were completely meaningless to him. There was also the guy who assured me that he had been tested since his last partner and then, later in that same conversation, revealed that he had no idea how or where to actually get tested for STI’s – liar, liar, pants on fire. I wish I could say this stuff was rare but, sadly, it isn’t.

      Which is a shame because I love me some good sexin’. Just under safe terms.

  8. SecretSquirrel says:

    I use condoms but if the guy can show me a recent testing form with results, I’m ok bareback. I get tested every 6 months, regardless. I’m on an IUD so the birth control situation is in hand. By the way, I turned 40 2 weeks ago, so I am in your peer group.

  9. I am still 5 years from 40 but can say that I belong to your group. Condoms are a must and I dont get testing forms from guys as there are so few who get tested regularly. So, it’s always safe to take precautionary measures rather than depend on reports.

  10. Jane Wonder says:

    When not in a committed and monogamous LTR, condoms are a necessity for me. And before they are disposed of there must be a conversation about what that means, what it requires (monogamy and committed LTR) and a round of testing for everyone involved.

    Seriously if a man can’t stay hard wearing one, then he simply needs to find someone else to play with because I’m not having it. Plain and simple.

  11. Sandyvs says:

    For all you people that have been tested for std’s and think you’re safe, have the women been tested for a very common bacterial infection that is known as ‘strep throat of the vagina’? The men don’t need to bother getting tested, because they only SPREAD it from woman to woman, they show no symptoms. Reason enough right there to wear a raincoat.

  12. Ali says:

    You are NOT a slut, sweetie. You’re a smart, self-aware and sexually exuberant woman who isn’t fooling herself about the long and short term ramifications about sex.

    And frankly, I can’t see you giving the time of day to some old dinosaur for whom the word “slut” lingers in his lexicon. Puh-leeze. So enjoy the lovemaking and buy those condoms in bulk!

  13. Well as a physician Simone is correct 100 per cent. As a human – I disagree with “slut” as a pejorative term. Sex is like breathing- we have it.
    Conclusion: don’t get hung up about how often you have sex unless it is not often enough – and if you don’t use a condom you are an accident waiting to happen.

    Ok- I am a condom accident, but that is another story

  14. oldbrit says:

    Firstly, not all guys don’t have condoms, just the irresponsible ones and sometimes men think if they bring condoms they look like sex was a given for the night.

    My friend works for a condom company so I get to try products, I don’t if in the USA you get Durex, but there’s a product called featherlite ultra, which is the thinnest condom ever and still works and both parties enjoy it.

    If a man says they are allergic to latex there is polyurethane instead, so they are covered.

    I’ve also taken women home who don’t want to use a condom and said “trust me, I’m clean” good for you, I don’t know you and I don’t want to be a dad!

  15. LJ Maggie says:

    I was in what I thought was a monogamous relationship a couple years back and one time we went bareback (it was towards the end of our relationship) and I did get an STD. Luckily it was the one that is treatable, but if I am not in a monogamous relationship, I require condoms at all times. Most times the guy has them but I always keep them in my house as well. Like you Simone, I have a fb that I have known for years and see from time to time. We use protection every time. He never makes an issue about wearing a condom.

    Guys that tell me they don’t want to wear them, I don’t sleep with even if they ask if I am on the pill. I tell them it is a safety reason for more than just that. (Also because of a medical condition I take meds for makes the pill I am on not as effective.)

  16. I don’t get it either! I have to admit, I have been guilty of not using a condom a couple times and I have suffered the consequences. But I definitely learned my lesson and now I’m really good about it. I get tested at my annual pap smear, the whole works. its just so awkward and uncomfortable because people don’t want to have the conversation for fear of being offensive or ruining the moment. As soon as we start having the convo earlier on like, hey do you have a condom or hey have you been tested, i think the better.