Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

OK With Being Number 2 (Get your minds out of the gutter)

I was listening, recently, to a story of a married couple that seems to have everything.  , wealth, kids – the whole nine yards.  And they’re even pretty damn happy.  The only little issue mucking up their perfect world is that the husband works a lot.  And, in truth, his career will always come first.  Before his wife and their nearly perfect life together.

And she can’t take it.  It’s tearing her up inside.

I can see how a lot of women (and men) would feel similarly, but not me. I’m kinda cool with being number 2. In fact, I can’t think of a I’ve ever really liked who wasn’t completely in love with his . And the two I loved were full-on work-a-holics who would disappear into new projects.

I guess you could even say that’s that my type: Guys who will always put their work first.  And, for the most part, I’m cool with it.  As long as the guy in question understands the situation for what it is and wants to make time for me.  Correction – needs to make time for me, as much as I need to make time for him.

I’m not claiming that any of this is healthy. Or even logical. It just is what it is. I like guys who love their work. It’s not about money or success. It’s about drive, passion and focus.

And surely I can’t be the only person who feels this way?  Or do “normal” people always hate coming in second?

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14 to “OK With Being Number 2 (Get your minds out of the gutter)”

  1. LuckyBroad says:

    I don’t think you’re the only person who feels that way. I’ve always said I’d be good with a traveling husband, but largely because my personality lends itself to a lot of alone time. I’ve seen many relationships where this works out just fine, but admittedly, it’s not for everyone.

    • Simone Grant says:

      :-) a traveling husband wouldn’t be my ideal (I’d prefer mine to be around for sex as often as possible, but perhaps not much more – gosh I’m horrible). But yeah, it’s not for everyone.

  2. I’m fine with someone who is passionate about their job. But I’ve also learned a valuable lesson that you always need to make time for each other. And if it comes between your job and your significant other, there’s an obvious choice there (not the job).

    p.s. I too need someone who has a passion. Doesn’t have to be the job, but someone who is passionate about something. No loafers!

    • Simone Grant says:

      I guess I’m willing for the choice (between me and the job) to be the job AS LONG as there’s time for me, too. Maybe that will change one day. Who knows?

  3. Where are the women like this? Ok, you, that’s one.

    I like women who are the same way, I don’t mind being #2, In fact, being the #1 in her life freaks me out a bit.. a lot. I like working. I don’t believe in the work/life balance because it is ALL life. Work for me is about being creative, getting inspiration from everywhere. There is no punch clock in my work and to impose one on me is not a very fair thing to do. Work comes and goes in spurts, not between 9-5.

    Thank you for this. If there is one, there are more, right? :-)

  4. Sandyvs says:

    I had a great marriage for many years with a traveling husband. Note the word, ‘had’. That had nothing to do with the demise of the marriage. I, too, LOVE being alone. Always have, since I can remember. So, what I have to comment on, is not about the traveling/ workoholic, but the person that defines themselves through their work/career. Because some day that is going to end, and what will that person have left? Nothing. I take pride in the fact that my day BEGINS when my work day ends. Yes, I go into work and put all I have into it, and take huge pride in the job I do. But when it’s over, I leave and don’t give it a second thought, because I know that after I leave that job/career (permanently) for even one week, people will hardly remember my name, much less that I worked there and worked very hard there.

    • Ah, I own everything I am, though.. so work is much different. Putting your heart and soul into someone else’s company is kinda dumb. And any of my past employers are more than welcome to contribute ad dollars into my obit when I’m gone as they will not be getting a mention if they don’t. :-) Seriously, I am not going to remembered as an employee of a company.

  5. Sandyvs says:

    Annnnddddd, Rufus, you are not going to be remembered for your business, either. I’m not sure what your age is, but you will soon realize that what you do in the business world means NOTHING, in the long run, unless you’re name is Gates or Buffett. Not only that, it will mean nothing to you when you hit the age of 40-50 and your priorities change drastically.

    • Never said I would be. A business is just a legal container to do what you wanted to do all along anyway. And make no assumption about who I am or how old I am and you will not be wrong about either :-)

  6. Terry says:

    One of the advantages of age — I don’t feel like I have to chase it anymore. I was very career driven earlier in life — lost a couple of relationships over it. I am glad I wasn’t a father then – because I doubt I would have been around.

    I think there is a change that occurs in men – we realize what is important – and it isn’t our work. Don’t get me wrong- I’m a doctor, for Gods sake – and if I am called out in the middle of the night (thankfully that doesn’t happen that often) – I go (I grumble but I go).

    So now- I don’t chase it as hard – I like spending time with my wife. Today, I finished surgery at 3 – had to do a seminar at 5:30 — in the old days– I would have stayed in the office, worked on something. Today– I went home. Wife was tired so no sex- but it was nice just sitting there and chatting for a bit.

    It is not unique to me – but many of my contemporaries are the same. We have been successful, we know we can work hard- but we also know that there are a lot better things out there — and Simone– I hope someone thinks of you enough to say- “hey – I’m taking the afternoon off and spending time with her”

  7. Whitney says:

    GOSH! I really feel you! Guys need to be as busy as me!

  8. Sandyvs says:

    I recently read a quote from a Hospice nurse that stated, “Not one person I’ve ever taken care of that is dying, is laying there thinking about their bank statements or bills”.
    I bet there are very few people that, on their death bed wish they’d spent more time at their career.

  9. wow…this is post is a bit of an eye opener…

    1. Because I’m shocked that I can’t actually say I’ve dated ANYONE who was really passionate about their career (sure there has been those passionate about hobbies…but career…actual money earning power…not so much)

    2. What I’m looking for IS someone who is so passionate about their career they can barely stand it…and yet it never occured to me to think that would mean I would surely come second…hmm…I think a sacrifice I’d be okay with….but still…bizarre that it never occured to me…though I may also live in a world where everything is fair and unicorns prance around so who knows

  10. Mary says:

    even at a young of 18, i can say that i honestly dont mind coming in second. my bf is very committed to his career and it has paid off, so it would be selfish of myself to ask him to put his passion aside for me. he supports my passion and always encourages me so i try to do the same. i happy as long as he makes time for me.