Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Baggage

We’ve all got .

Wait, let me take that back.  I know I have a handful of young-ish readers.  Some of you might still be relatively baggage free. The rest of us, we’ve got baggage.

is, I don’t think I could respect a person who made it to 25 without collecting some baggage.  The only way to accomplish that, as far as I can tell, is to be a shut in.  Don’t interact with people. Don’t try new things. Don’t take risks.  For god sakes – you might fail at something and that would just be tragic.  [Snarky mood alert]

Anyway, I was reading an interesting post the other day over at Notes from the Dating Trenches about baggage and when’s the right time to share yours with a date.  Kelly and I are similar in that we both hold on to our issues, keep them to ourselves for a long while.  Like her, I’ve dated men who’ve told me their whole lives stories, gory details and all, on the first few dates. And like her I didn’t reciprocate. I keep my life story (especially the stuff that I don’t even tell you guys) to myself.

I’m wondering, where do I fit in in the spectrum?  Do most people blurt it all out or keep it in for a good long while?

Do you share your baggage early on or keep it to yourself?

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8 to “Baggage”


  1. One of my favorite quotes is from the musical Rent: “We’ve all got baggage; I’m just looking for baggage that goes with mine.”

    • singlegirlie says:

      Aww, I was going to say that. I love that line! It’s weird when people say they want someone without baggage. I always think, who the hell doesn’t have baggage? Baggage is simply experience, and we’ve all had good and bad. Great post!

  2. Rebekah says:

    my roommate unloads ALL her emotional baggage on anyone that makes eye contact with her for two seconds. i’ve seen it in action and it is enough to make any man run far, far away.

  3. It depends on the person – sometimes they are REALLY good at getting it out of you

  4. Holly says:

    I’m pretty sure it depends on what type of “baggage” you are talking about. If you mean past relationships, hook-ups, etc. then I think it is stupid to tell someone you barely know, all about your past. In my Human Sexuality class, we learned that research has proven those types of behaviors (giving it all away) promote jealousy- no matter the age. If your “baggage” happens to be about your bad habits or crazy family, then I think it could actually invoke conversation…just don’t cross the line. Not matter what though, I don’t share my baggage early on. There is no chance to know the real person then because all of those things from the past are blocking what is in the present.

  5. Ms. Bitch says:

    The only people who don’t have baggage are the ones who have never been anywhere worth going. . . I realized this when I started to pack for a dream trip and noticed I didn’t own a suitcase. Works for relationships too.

  6. CJ says:

    I voted “other.” In friendships, I am pretty forthright. If my friends ask me anything, I’ll answer/share. (With some exceptions, but then I might say that I don’t feel comfortable answering. I never give the run around.)

    When I’m dating… I tend not to talk about past relationships, exes, etc. I am fine with sharing general viewpoints on sex/dating, (but not too soon with the sex talk!), but it takes some time for me to feel comfortable with emotional intimacy.

    One thing I’ve definitely noticed is how much more conservative I am now than I was in my 20s.

  7. one_time_poster says:

    I’m a 25-year old male. I’m happy to say, I don’t have any baggage whatsoever. I wasn’t shut in. Took plenty of risks. Interacted with plenty of people. Tried many new things. Why don’t I have baggage?? Because I didn’t date. I never have. Not high school, not college, not graduate school. Why haven’t I dated? It’s not that I’m not attractive, or socially inept, it’s because I was smart and focused on my career and education. I didn’t let women distract me.

    You might not respect me for not having baggage, but, to be honest, I don’t really care what people think. I have so much self-respect and confidence in myself and my accomplishments that people’s opinions don’t rattle me. I’m 25 years old, just graduated with my doctorate degree in engineering, debt-free, no kids, no drama, no baggage, high-paying job, new house and car, and chasing after my dreams. I’m proud to say that women and dating haven’t ruined my life and I was able to focus on my goals. Never been hurt and no commitment issues. I finally feel ready to date and find a wife. I had my first ever date at the age of 25. A bit late, but it was worth it. It’s funny though, because all the women I meet today carry so much baggage and all seem to be scared. They think I’m too good to be true and run away. haha ;) At this point, I’m comfortable and happy enough with my life that finding a wife is just “extra credit.” The world is my oyster. :)