Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

“If he were a social worker he could still be an asshole…”

If he were a social worker he could still be an asshole... just a story  152302 i r businessI was catching up with an old friend the other day.  She and I go way back to a we had in the mid 90s, and have stayed in touch (and also worked together, again) since then.

I was telling her about my upcoming 3rd date with Mr. Midwest (tonight) and that he was a finance . And that I was trying to set aside my normal preconceived notions re finance guys.

And she said, before I even had to explain why I don’t usually date them (because she knows me well enough to know) that the fact of the matter is, him being in finance doesn’t really make a difference.  And that, if he were a social worker he could still be an .

At which point I grabbed my pen, wrote that down and told her I might be quoting her on my blog.

I’ve dated social workers and finance guys, before.  And doctors, lawyers, teachers, pilots, techies, entertainment industry guys, musicians, artists, and do-gooders of various sorts.  And the reality is that my friend was right.  Assholes are assholes.  And assholes have all kinds of jobs.

The most selfish, self-centered man I’ve ever known worked for the UN Development Fund (and sometimes, when he was being a total prick I’d think, “but he does such good work” as if that would excuse the horrible way he treated me and the other people in his life).  Go figure.

Mr. Midwest could be a great guy. I’m still trying to figure that out.  So far we seem to get along well. We had a fun phone chat the other night. Maybe tonight will be an amazing date.  Or not.  Either way, his job isn’t going to have anything to do with it.


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7 to ““If he were a social worker he could still be an asshole…””


  1. Terry says:

    Good luck with your date. I am not certain what finance people do- seems like a parasitic sort of job, but no doubt has some redeeming feature. If you like him, then he has some redeeming qualities.
    If you wish to recall a story- go back to my “settling” story- because being “good enough” is sometimes just a temporary bridge. That’s ok- we all need them.

    • Simone Grant says:

      I have always had a prejudice against people who’s job it was to “make money”. I felt that if someone made a lot (or a little) money doing something they loved – a profession, building a company, building something, some artistic pursuit, etc then that was fine. But that the pursuit of money for money’s sake seemed an unsuitable goal for someone I could love. Yes, that’s horribly presumptions and a bunch of other things. Anyway, the man in questions seems like a good guy and pokes fun at his own professions. But it still doesn’t make me wonder…

  2. LuckyBroad says:

    When I hear “Finance Guy”, I think – ah, finally, someone to balance my check book … best of luck on #3!

  3. Michelle says:

    Your friend is absolutely right. I have to remind myself about that from time to time because I too have (negative) preconceived notions about finance people and lawyers. In fact, the nicest people I’ve ever worked with have been lawyers. On the other hand, the worst people I’ve worked with was at a non-profit (it was a book publishing company, so not a “true” nonprofit in the sense of the word). I’m sure there are people who have the opposite experience. It just goes to show you don’t have to do good work to be a good person.

    • Simone Grant says:

      I have worked with more selfish spiteful people in the nonprofit world then I care to count. Assholes are everywhere. It’s finding the true gems – that’s the hard thing.

  4. mimi says:

    With an asshole at least you know what you are getting. Too often “nice” guys are really just assholes pretending to be nice but get all pissy when they don’t get something in return.