Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

“You Can Be Indecisive”

You Can Be Indecisive online dating  Chemistry300dpi 300x57The other night I had the opportunity to attend a fun little event put together by the folks at .  It started with an hour and a half of spa time (mini-spa stuff: manicures, quickie facials, hand massages) at BlissSpa for the women and then a singles mixer with some guys at the W.  It was a well put together event and Dr. Helen Fisher was even there to mingle, answer questions and give us a little pre-party pep talk.

She said something in her pep talk that really stuck with me.  But before I go into that, I gotta confess that I’m one of those horrible people who never read directions.  Never.  Back when I’d buy all my furniture at IKEA, I’d bring it all home in boxes and figure out how to put it together intuitively (I guessed and prayed it didn’t fall apart).

It would be fair to say that I have an aversion to directions, in general. So when I sign up for a new site, any new site, whether it be some new forum or application or a new dating site the very last thing I’m gonna to do is read the directions. Nah, why do that?  That might actually save me time and hassle, over the long run.  I’d rather feel my way through.

So when I signed up for and took their tests and got my little label telling me what my personality type is (if you’re unfamiliar with their system, it’s a little Myers Briggs-y, but different) I promptly ignored it.  Not that I thought their system was inferior. I’d read Dr. Fisher and seen her on TV and everything she said seemed pretty damn sensible.

It’s just who I am.  I don’t read the instructions.  It’s an issue, I guess.  Anyway, I communicated with the guys they told me to. Figured it was what it was.  Didn’t question any of it.

Now, back to the event and Dr. Fisher’s pep talk.  She gave us a quickie description of each personality type, what our dating foibles might be and how to be more successful (again, all very sensible stuff).  Unlike all the other women in the room, I didn’t know my personality type offhand, because I’d never paid attention to what it said on the site. I was a nightmare student, btw. Always sat in the back, ignored instructions…Thank god for essay tests.

But then Dr. Fisher said just a few words about the Negotiators and I knew she was talking to me. I can’t recall exactly what she said, but it was something about ‘everything being a maybe’ and that we ‘think too much’. Yep. That would be me.

So I came home later that night and read my “type”.  My primary type is NEGOTIATOR (28%).  I also have very strong secondary types in the mix (I am a gemini).  From the website (I don’t think I can link, this goes to one of my pages)

You Can Be Indecisive online dating  chem2 300x133

It says lots of other stuff, too.  FODDER FOR SO MANY POSTS.

Now, I’ve known for a long time that I have an issue with grudges. Once I’m betrayed, it’s incredibly hard for me to get over it. It’s not something I’m proud of, and I’ve been working on it for the past few years.  But that’s another story.

For today I’d like to focus on #1 and why reading it caused me to pause, think and decide not to go out on a 2nd date with the perfectly nice man from last weekend.  ”Because you can see so many angles to an issue or decision, you can be indecisive.”

I go out on a lot of dates I shouldn’t. With men I probably shouldn’t. I realize that in retrospect. It’s not that I’m in it for the free drinks (I frequently drink soda and/or pay my own tab, so) or hate staying home alone (I’d kill for more nights in to read).  I go on all of these inappropriate dates because I really and truly can’t decide if I should accept the invitations or not.

My head is the land of perpetual maybe, where every decision could be the right one if I think about it long enough.  So the very nice man from Saturday night, even though he had too many “too nice” traits and lived in the ‘burbs and has only been back on the dating scene for a month since his divorce (all big issues) was maybe a good match for me because of some common interests and beliefs. And because I thought about how nice it would be to have someone like him in my life.  So enthusiastic and communicative and upbeat and …

Does it even matter why?  The reality is that I can maybe my way into all kinds of stupid things.  It’s a good thing I have a strong moral compass. I realize that not everyone agrees with my sense of right and wrong, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a strong moral compass.

Wow, just read over this post and I gotta apologize. Lots of italics. Lots of parentheses. My head needs a traffic cop.


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7 to ““You Can Be Indecisive””


  1. anny says:

    Girl, you need to know, I LOVE reading your posts! You write what’s in my head…and it’s good to see similar, sometimes fuzzy, thoughts in print. (maybe it’s not fuzz, maybe it’s just pondering the many complexities and configurations that confound our slightly crippled decision-making abilities!)…… anyway, hope you have a wonderful start to your April. Spring is in the air in TX….hope its the same in NYC. :-)

    • Simone Grant says:

      Anny,
      I’m so glad they make sense to someone. Spring is most definitely in the air here. I can’t wait to get outside for a walk, later.

  2. Terry says:

    Ah fellow gemini – whatever that means.
    I don’t think you are indecisive- I think you are quite decisive. You have standards and that is ok. Holding a grudge – well, that is just protective- we have a motto in surgery “forgive and remember.”
    I don’t put much into pop psychology- they are not terribly insightful and not scientific – but an attempt to justify what they pay for their stuff.
    ok- not much coffee this morning — but I believe in you, and I just hope it doesn’t take you the same amount of time it took me– but if it does — it is worth it!

  3. “My head needs a traffic cop.”

    - That sentence made my day…okay sure it’s only 10:30am but I intend to think about it throughout the day and smile…brilliant. As for the rest…yeah I’m a big supporter of reading the personality results etc. if even only for the fact that they’re interesting…after a month on eharmony (I signed up before realizing it was crap) the only thing good I got out of it was these brilliant personality tests…

  4. Simone Grant says:

    That’s how I feel, most of the time.

    My head needs a traffic cop. Perhaps I should start a new blog, just full of rambings and call it that.

  5. Jolene says:

    Is indesiciveness as bad as overthinking?! Cuz that’s what I got, and I think they’re pretty similar ;-) I laughed because I barely looked at my chemistry.com findings either, but I am going to go back and look, now I’m curious, and perhaps some fodder for future posts too! :)