There was no delicate way to start this post, so I figured I’d dive right in. Last week YourTango posted Male Take: When He Can’t Get An Erection (smart post, you should read it if you haven’t already) and it jogged my memory about a post I meant to write ages ago.
Two little stories, kinda related: A reader (he was in his early 20s, not that that should matter) asked for my advice. He was experiencing erectile dysfunction as a side effect of some medicine he was taking. The ED didn’t bother him (that’s what he said, and NO I didn’t probe) but he had a hard time talking about it with the women he dated. He said that no matter what he said or did, they always took it personally.
I honestly can’t remember what advice I gave him other than to speak with his doctor (if he wanted to do something about the ED) and be honest. And that, sadly, some women were not going to be able to understand that it had nothing to do with them. It was a self-esteem thing. And the younger the woman, the more likely she was to take it personally.
The other: A guy I dated for a little while was in the earlyish stages of MS. He didn’t tell me right away, but I found out soon enough that there was something physically not quite right with him. It was an awkward and difficult situation for me, because he didn’t want to talk about it. Anyway, over the time that we dated, he became less and less able. His ED became more of a regular thing. And we dealt with it.
The thing is, we had a pretty awesome sex life. You can go ahead and use your imagination as to what, exactly, that might have been like… The good sex almost made up for the fact that he was a total asshole. Almost.
Looking at these two stories back to back, what stands out for me is that my younger self probably wouldn’t have been able to deal with my exes ED. He and I dated when I was in my mid-30s. If I’d met a guy in that same exact situation when I was in my mid 20s, I don’t know how I would’ve reacted, but it probably wouldn’t have been good. I probably would have jumped to conclusions at first. Assumed he wasn’t into me, or something stupid and self-defeating like that.
I hope that young(er) reader has found a really cool, mature girlfriend. Someone wise beyond her years.
Tags: 30, ex-boyfriend, impotence, sex, Smart, YourTango