That title originally read, “When I Started to Feel Sexy” but I didn’t want to give people the wrong idea. This is just a short post about me and getting older. And being cool, better than cool, with getting older.
Yesterday, I retweeted an article from YourTango about why women should look forward to getting older. I was enthusiastic about it.
Shortly afterward I received this reply from @pwcaulfield
I replied that I didn’t know. And something about loving my 30th birthday, and 35th, too (both true). But then I thought about it some more.
When I was 26, I wasn’t afraid of getting older. Truth is, I wasn’t all that sure I’d get much older (you know, live fast – die young- leave a pretty corpse).
But I do remember a point, sometime in my 30s, when it hit me: I really didn’t care what anyone else was doing. I didn’t care what other people looked like, or weighed, or if they did or didn’t have a boyfriend/husband/kids. That comparing myself against all of the rest of humanity meant that I was always going to come up short. I was always going to be not smart enough, or pretty enough, or funny enough… I could never win.
The day I woke up and looked in the mirror and saw myself for ME was the first time I really felt sexy. The first time I even knew what that actually meant. I couldn’t have been any younger than 33 or 34. Maybe even older. I don’t know what prompted it. I just know that one day I woke up and poof, it happened. I looked in the mirror and saw me. Just me. Not everything that I wasn’t or wanted to be. I saw who I was/am.
Sure, when I look in the mirror I see the signs of age. I have a wrinkle, a smile line, that’s setting in by my right eye. I like it. I think it brings character to my face. I also have some gray hairs (not that anyone else will get to see them, I have a fabulous colorist). OK, I’m babbling. My point is, none of the little details matter anymore. I’m cool with it all.
That’s probably not the answer that a 26 year old wants to hear. That one day, in your 30s, you’ll wake up and realize that you’re fabulous and sexy. But that’s the best I got.
Tags: 30, 40, Birthday, sexy, Twitter, YourTango