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Cougars, Types and Cupid’s Arrow (random quick thoughts)

First, I’m typing as fast as I can.  Trying to squeeze this in while my lunch is cooking.  So, forgive me if it lacks eloquence or even sense.

I was thinking about a post I read on Mike the MasterDater’s site earlier today, Cougar, cutting her claws on the back of change. It’s a well thought out piece on the whole cougar phenomena. As I’ve stated before, I think the media is blowing this significantly out of proportion. I don’t see too many women my age, or older, dating much younger guys. But maybe it’s happening a lot in other parts of the country.

My response to Mike was that I’ve been dating older guys since high school (which is the truth) and I didn’t plan on trading older and wiser in for young and buff (if I had time I’d link to the tweets – sorry).

Frankly, I like . My date tonight (Mr. Midwest) is 9 years older than me and when we met he didn’t feel “old” or even “older”.  He felt “just right”.

That said, the 2 times I fell in love (massively, pathetically in love so that I lost all sense of perspective and reason)it was with guys my own age.  M was a few months younger than me. Both of those guys were as far from the type of men I usually date as you can get.

But I met them and fell in love.  Not love at first site.  But love shortly after meeting.  Within a few hours/days.

I don’t know what any of that has to do with anything.  Other than that I have no interest in dating . And I’m pretty sure the next time I feel my knees weaken shortly after meeting a guy who’s completely not my type I might just run in the opposite direction.  As fast as I can.

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16 to “Cougars, Types and Cupid’s Arrow (random quick thoughts)”

  1. Terry says:

    I think it is because we men mature more slowly than women do– and I have no idea why that is — just seems to be the case. There are a lot of stages in life– and it has taken me a long time to get to the place where most people get to when they are younger.

    Or perhaps men are so caught up in our profession that our focus doesn’t allow us to look outside ourselves and learn about life?

    Not sure about when you fell in love and lost reason– that happens — but I can say this– in my case, which may not be anyone else’s case. When I fell in love with April I didn’t believe it. I had a lot of reason, I was skeptical, I fought it, and I tested it. I did, at times, lose perspective– and still do. Sometimes it bothers me that I have become a babbling idiot.

    But it took me a long time– a lot of relationships– and a few near death experiences from being really stupid as a young man- to get to this place and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

    I think you would be bored to death with a younger guy– you are too bright and don’t tolerate fools easily (great qualities by the way). Just forgive us older guys– sometimes it takes us a while to get to the place we need to be– at least it did for me.

  2. Terry says:

    In my case– it took me a lot longer to “grow up” and not be so focused on my career to learn about life and love. I see a lot of young guys who are going the path I went– and for whatever reason I sense that women mature far faster than we men do.

    Regarding losing perspective with love– well, I guess that happens. When I fell in love I fought it, I didn’t believe it, and I tested it. I gained perspective – and now I am miserably happier than I have ever been — not because she fills me or any of that crap — but, well, I have become a babbling idiot.

    You would be bored with someone who is less mature than you, someone who hasn’t put life in perspective — at least that is my sense of it. So– why bother with a man who hasn’t figured out in life what you have?

    • Simone Grant says:

      I don’t think it took you longer to “grow up”. It took you as long as you needed to get where you were going. Some people (men and women) never grow, never change. They never GO anywhere.

      And yeah, I tend to date older guys because I’m looking for guys who’ve gotten to where they’re going. If that makes sense…

  3. Ms. Bitch says:

    I think I agree with you about this being one of those things that we blow out of proportion. (Just the record, high school sexting isn’t as big as the media wants you to think it is either) As Terry said, being the same age as a man doesn’t necessarily make you in the same place in your life. It’s the main reason women tend to date older men.

    • Simone Grant says:

      Is that the main reason? I guess so:-)
      Seriously, I’d be happy to date a guy of any age if he looked at the world the same way I did. To me, that usually means older guys.

  4. pk says:

    to each his own, however, i’ve got friends 10 years older than i am, continuously going after guys 5-6 years younger than i am. i think they are hot and sexy also, but i also feel too old for them. maybe i am the one who needs to rethink my good time… and yes, i say good time, not relationship.

    • Simone Grant says:

      I guess that’s it. Good time. Though, I tried out a boy toy a few years ago (he was only 7 or 8 years younger than me) and he was very hot and all that. But I found myself comparing him poorly to older guys when it came to sex. Experience counts for a lot, in my book.

  5. From what I’m told, it’s not so much that older women are “dating” younger guys per se… it’s more of a hookup type of thing.

    When I worked with teenage boys, on several occasions I came across 16-year-olds “dating” older women (16 is the age where kids can legally consent to sex here in NJ). Many of these women were in their 30s and 40s and (from what I was told) weren’t unattractive.

    I guess it all depends on what one calls “dating” and what the end-game is. If sex is the ultimate goal, one can’t knock older women for going after younger, virile “men” who are good-looking. Although I can see how some might argue that these “men” may lack the experience to make sexual encounters good. But judging by the number of “repeat customers” (a client’s term, not mine), these women must be getting what they’re looking for.

    • Simone Grant says:

      For the life of me, I can’t figure out what they’re looking for – from 16 year olds? I’m guessing they get off on having all the power in the relationship. Or something. ’cause the sex…

  6. Kelly says:

    I think it’s blown out of proportion too. My friends who are dating younger do that for fun and for a short period of time, nothing really substantial. I like that this is considered a “trend” though, because it seems to point out that age (for men and for women) isn’t the only factor to consider when it comes to dating.

    • Simone Grant says:

      I’m all for thinking of age as a minor factor in dating. But I’m guessing no one blinked 2x at me and my date tonight even though he LOOKED more than a decade older than me (only 9 yrs but I look younger than I am). It’s very much the norm for a guy to be with a much younger woman. Trend or not, if we were in that same very nice bar and it seemed like I was more than a decade older than him, there would have been whispers and snickers.

  7. belle de lettres says:

    I think it depends on the people involved. I am 50 this year and have been divorced for 9 years. I have dated only one man my age or older and most have been in their 30’s. In my case, the sex is only a small part of the attraction, it is more what daily life turns out to be. Most of the men my age interested in dating me have been homebodies, very hard to get them out of the house for anything but a pro sports event or maybe a Jimmy Buffet concert, which I am not at all into. My particular interests are latin dancing, art events and live music of the indie, rock, etc genres. Additionally, most of them have been more inflexible in making compromises on time, scheduling, etc, expecting me to fit myself into their lives rather than both making adjustments. Maybe it has to do with generational differences or just what kind of people live in my area. So for me, it is much less than a cougar thing than it is a lifestyle thing.

    • Simone Grant says:

      Thank you for chiming in. That makes all the sense in the world to me. Age is not the relevant factor, for you. You wish to date men who want what you want. Who’s company you will enjoy.

      If I were in your place (and I may very well be, one day, although maybe it will be never married instead of divorced) I would also opt for dating younger men than inflexible men my own age who don’t want to have any fun.

  8. Lynsey says:

    Great website,

    I have a friend who like to state Younger Men seen to be thing for her because she was married for 10 years to a older guy who turned 48 this year. But also like one of the comment suggest before mine she divorced him last year

    However after meeting with the man in question whilst on a business trip this is were after reading the article simone wrote agree,It is not posibile to fall in love very quickly but my friend has for this young 19 year old man.

    I am a kinda girl who likes to take my time and see how things go, I know agge is not really the issue but im only 24 myself so i do feel like i would be too young for older guy.Pehaps less experienced so i kinder feel like bell commentated and say i am also a courger thing then a life style thing.

    So far i have dated some different kind of men and the youngest has been around 22 he was a great guy but it was not really much there to start on a relationship.

  9. Patricia R. says:

    I can identify. My most successful relationship (not ultimately successful though) was with a man about 9 and a half years older than myself. There are obvious advantages and disadvantages to the situation but from what I can tell, dating a man older than yourself has some great benefits. I think that a woman’s successfulness doesn’t have to be downplayed in a relationship with an older man. I have dating guys my age who resent my success. They comment on my education, vocabulary, and tastes like they are flaws. I hate it.

  10. Lee says:

    When I was 29 I dated a woman who was 42. We were attracted to each other in many ways, we were friends as well. She knew what she wanted, there were no games attached. That lasted about a year. I then married a woman 5 years younger then myself, she died of cancer 14 years later. After that I dated for a number of years mostly women within a few years of my age, but around age 50 I had burnt out on dating, developed a friends with benefits relationship with a woman 13 years older. She was as active and young at heart of any woman near my age. That lasted 6 years. I would not consider either of the older women a cougar, but good relationships that developed through mutual attraction. At this point in my life I would prefer someone in her 40s or 50s (I’m 60).