I was talking with a friend last night about heartache. We didn’t label it heartache, but that’s what we were talking about. That horrible feeling you get when your heart feels so full of pain and hurt and leftover love that it makes you want to cry. Or maybe it makes you actually cry. That’s OK, too.
One of the more complicated elements of heartache is the leftover love. Just because a relationship is over, it doesn’t mean you stop loving that other person. Or maybe YOU do. I don’t. And neither does my friend. We talked about how hard it is when you love someone, still, even though you know you shouldn’t. So mixed in with all of the sadness and anger, there’s this leftover love that makes heartache feel worse than any physical pain I’ve ever had to endure.
Anyway, my point today wasn’t to sit down and write about heartache and how much it sucks. Nope. Here’s my point: heartache happens because love is beyond our control. We can’t will (well, I can’t) ourselves to stop loving someone. We can stop seeing a person, cut them out of our lives, move on… But there’s no way to actually make ourselves stop loving a person.
Luckily, heartache eventually fades. We start to feel better, eventually. And if we’re lucky, we might even fall in love again, one day.
But we can’t control that, either. The falling in love again. We can make ourselves “open” to it. We can be flexible in our dating standards. Whatever. But we can’t make our hearts sing out for another person. We can’t make ourselves feel giddy at the thought of seeing a person. We can’t control love.
I’ve been really lucky, in some ways. I’ve been in love a couple of times. Maybe I’ll get to fall in love again, one day. Or not. Either way, I know there’s nothing I can do to force it, or control it.
Tags: heartache, love, pain