Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

But I Have Rope

But I Have Rope batshit crazy  877598 ropeSo yesterday I mentioned a dinner party.  At some point in the evening we got to talking about , I don’t remember how. Anyway, we shared stories of people who used old pictures, lied about their height – all the usual stuff.

My story, I think, had them all beat.  It was a Saturday afternoon. A in my neighborhood.  The man arrived and was clearly 5-10 years older than his picture and creepy.  He just has this vibe that made me want to run away.  But I have manners, so I stayed and made polite chit-chat for about 10-15 minutes.  And then I said that it was nice meeting him and it was so very kind of him to come to my ‘hood but I was thinking we weren’t a good match and I was going to head home. His reply, “but I have rope in my bag”.

Now, just pause that story for a moment.  Not to get too off-track, or too into my personal tastes or proclivities, but if there were a 1-10 scale for measuring how GGG a person is, with 10 being the most and 1 being the least, I’d be a 10.  So if I was in a happy relationship and my partner said, “Honey, I have rope in my bag, ” well shit, honestly I’d be thinking, damn, rope burn.

So what did I do when the creepy first date with the really old picture said, “but I have rope in my bag”?  I said, “it was nice meeting you” and then got out of there as fast as I could.  I then walked in the opposite direction of my apartment and in circles for about 15 minutes to make sure he wasn’t following me.

I like online dating, I do.  But sometimes…


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11 to “But I Have Rope”


  1. LuckyBroad says:

    This story is just … wow. I mean … wow. Almost as good as the date I went on that informed me his future Ex wife had filed a restraining order against him. But not to worry – it didn’t clear.

  2. jane says:

    Thanks for sharing your story, I have some creepy experience also, this guy driving a van, but with no window on the back, and side ( pest control van) when first met , he said let’s go right away, to his van, so scary, no exchange conversation , just let’s go.
    Another guy , he own almost 8 cats, we never met because he always have an excuse not to see me. I didn’t know he has so many cats, before he said only 2, after, than he said the cats gave birth, and increase every time we called, and saw it in the web cam.

  3. LV says:

    Oh man — that IS a winner of a story! Glad you made it out of there unscathed, and that he didn’t drop anything suspicious in your coffee!

  4. melissa says:

    amazing….I thought my match.com dates were bad. this takes the cake

  5. SFSingleGuy says:

    This just means that the universe owes you a really good date to make up for it.

  6. Masterdater says:

    Jack told me to stop by and read this post.
    Very funny, happy to say I don’t have an online dating story to top that.

  7. Simone Grant says:

    One day when I have absolutely nothing better to do I will sit down and try to figure out exactly how many first dates I’ve been on (EVER). And then come up with the percentage of those that were truly awful. It’s got to be less than 20%. I mean, the majority of the guys I go out with aren’t keepers, but they’re not nutjobs.

    This guys was the king of the nutjobs!

  8. He had rope in his bag? I’m not sure if he meant that as a threat or a promise. Strange, strange indeed! I’ve heard a lot of things in my online dating forays but I can honestly say I haven’t heard that one before. Good times!

  9. VJ says:

    Other conversation killers, 1st date division. Unlimited age, Freestyle.

    1.) But my mom is waiting to pick us up!

    2.) I’ve got my ‘pipes (bagpipes, uilleann pipes etc)!

    3.) Ditto for banjo, harp (of all sorts), accordion (includes bandoneóns), ukulele, mandolin, recorders, bassoons, basses, washtubs & boards, clarinets, & assorted other strange & wonderful instruments that are similarly our of place in most coffee shops. (May not necessarily apply to the bands playing therein).

    4.) But I’ve just been paroled! (Also may apply to acquitted, divorced, separated, & released on bail/ to ‘your own recognizance’). YMMV

    5.) My dungeon is nearby!

    6.) My HS/Middle School is nearby!

    7.) Oh, that’s my teacher/my mom’s friend, we’ve got to leave pronto!

    8.) You look so much like my ex/dead spouse/mom/dad/granny…!

    9.) We’ve just got to leave, I think someone saw us…

    10.) Won’t you come up to see my etchings?

    11.) My bro/sis will be joining us soon, I hope… [Said looking around distractedly & way overly nervously].

    12.) ‘I know it all looks/ sounds/seems sketchy & strange, but it’s not! Really…

    13.) [Related] But I can explain all that stuff in the past. See, I’m way more together now…

    14.) Have you discovered Jesus as your personal savior?

    15.) Do much drugs?

    16.) I’ve really not been out for years.

    17.) I’ve not dated much since the 60′s/70′s/80′s/90′s.

    18.) Wow, you mean all those people talking on the street are actually on the phone? Who knew? Those small things in their ears, like Star Trek, right?

    19.) [Related] I’m hearing voices all the time now myself…

    20.) [Possibly related] I never know what’s going on, I’m just clueless mostly…

    I know someone’s heard different version of same before. Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’

  10. Gweb says:

    Maybe he was offering to get you stoned? Like, “Hey man, I’ve got some good rope in my bag. Wanna spark up a fatty?”

  11. Date Girl says:

    I have had some doozies as well. Nonewhere I have feared for my life but some real creeps nonetheless. I once dated a guy whom after I broke it off with him immediately resorted to an arranged marriage….as well as these duds.

    1) Hipster going through a mid-life crisis
    2) Committment Phobe Surgeon
    3) The Geek with a Speech Impediment
    4) Alcholic Postman
    5) The Horny Rabbi
    6) The Married Police Officer
    Date Girl recently posted..What’s in a Name?My Profile


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  1. Speaking of GGG, On a Scale of 1-10… 10 03 10