Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

They Are the Real Truth

So yesterday I was replying to comments and I wrote something that was probably more true and important than anything in the post itself:

I would never dream of making someone else completely responsible for my happiness, or my emotional well-being.

There are things that our partners do to alter our happiness and stability, our inner-strength. A supportive partner can make a person feel strong(er).

And sadly, sometimes otherwise strong people can feel cut down by partners who are “less than supportive”. Who send negative and belittling messages through their actions. And, I’ve come to the conclusion that those negative and belittling messages are not accidental. They are not things that should be ignored or made neutral by the occasional, “I’m ”. They are the real and should be heeded.

I’ve always said that I’m in the actions speak louder than words camp. But somehow, when it comes to assessing how a guy really feels about me, I’ve let the right words erase bad actions, time after time. Stupid, I know. Because I’m sorry, or I love you might be nice to hear, but they don’t make up for someone treating you badly. Not over and over. Not when you point out their offensive behavior, they acknowledge it as hurtful and then turn around and do the same thing again. And again. There is no, “I’m sorry” big enough for that.

ps I’m writing this ps at 3:30 am.  I can’t sleep.  Too suddenly filled with rage. I’m still processing what went down a couple weeks ago. And yeah, it’s going to take me a while to deal with my anger. Mostly at myself for letting that into my life again. But also at him. Because he wore me down and made me believe him and then went back to treating me like a cheap umbrella (worth having around when you need an umbrella, but not worth taking care of, and of so little value that you’re likely to forget it).

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5 to “They Are the Real Truth”

  1. sandyvs says:

    And yeah, it’s going to take me a while to deal with my anger. Mostly at myself for letting that into my life again. But also at him.
    PLEASE do not be angry for doing what YOU had to do to finally let go. You’d been hanging on to this situation for whatever reason and now you have no little doubts in the back of your mind. If you hadn’t let him back in, you’d probably still be in limbo over the whole situation.
    You didn’t say why you are angry at him, but if it’s because he continued to act the same way he always has, then I don’t think you have a right to be angry with him. A snake is a snake, you can’t expect it to act like a kitten.

    • Simone Grant says:

      I can’t disagree with you, a snake is a snake. Like I said, I’m angry with myself.

      AND, I’m angry with him. Anger isn’t logical. It’s the opposite of logical. I’m filled with anger because a man who disappointed me, over and over, disappointed me again. I’m angry because a man, who I’ve known to be selfish and manipulative, looked me in the eye and told me that things would be different. And I believed him. I’m just angry. Very, very angry. After over a week of being pretty cool about it it hit me in a wave and I have enough anger for the both of us.

      Hopefully the wave will leave as mysteriously as it came.

  2. melissa says:

    I know how you feel. I too am learning to see actions over words because words are cheap. I had my ex-boyfriend dump me while telling me he loves me, but was packing my stuff from his apartment in a box away all at the same time. You will get over it. It comes in waves.

  3. Sherell says:

    Live and learn. It ‘s defintely OK to make mistakes, just make sure you learn from them. I have been where you are now. Trust your gut, it is way more than a feeling , it is subconcious signs that we pick up. . Intuitively, we know early on we just do not want to accept it. …………..sigh…………