Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

The Short Answer

It’s funny, I’m always so afraid to write the same stuff over and over, for

The Short Answer online dating

fear of being repetitive. Well, I am repetitive. The subject matter I cover here on this is pretty narrow.  I try not to be too repetitive.

Anyway, twice in the last week I’ve been specifically asked to talk about online dates sites – which ones I use(d) and why.  Now, I’ve written about that before, many times.  But most people who read this blog are either new or casual readers. I shouldn’t expect folks to go digging around my (very messy, still) archives.

So here’s the short answer.  Right now I’m using .com and .  This is new-ish for me and part of a new relationship I have with .com.  I”m going to be doing different promos with them during the year (like the Valentine’s Day giveaway).  And they comped me a 3 month membership.  But they’re not paying me and I’m going to be honest about my experiences with both sites.

So far, I’ve been pleasantly surprised.  My last experience with match was a disaster.  It was all middle-aged seeming, cranky divorced guys and/or guys who lived way out in the ‘burbs.  This time I’ve connected with a couple of guys who seem really kinda great and I’m looking forward to meeting them.

Chemistry is slow going, and I’m still not sure how I feel about it.  There seem to be some cool/interesting men on the site, but it does take a lot of time to get to the “email” stage.  I’m sticking with it, though.

I’ve recently given up on OkCupid.  I like the site and feel it has a lot of positives.  But I also feel like I’ve exhausted the pool of men I might be interested in and don’t want to deal with the daily messages from guys I want nothing to do with.  Who has time for that?

Lastly, after many years of luck and fun, I’ve given up on nerve.com. They’re part of the fastcupid network and there are many sites that feed into that main database (depending on where you live, nerve may be the largest feeder, or may not even be on the radar).  I am officially too old for the men there.  I actually went a whole week without a single message, and well, that never happened to me before/when I was younger (I do have recent pictures and so maybe I’m just not hot enough anymore, but I think it’s the age on the profile and not the pics).

So that’s it.  I’m sure  people from other places, of other ages have very different experiences.  I’m actually trying to get a forum page going so that people can chat openly about this stuff.  But I can’t start that until I make final design choices and I’m still dithering on that.  I cannot make up my mind about this stuff to save my life. One day, I promise, you’ll click on me and it will all be done/look done.

OK, so maybe that wasn’t the short answer.


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7 to “The Short Answer”


  1. jane says:

    Have you tried Plenty of fish, what do you think about this site, thanks :)

  2. sandyvs says:

    I made that comment about ‘character’ a part of my life years ago. I also think about every major decision or action I’m comtemplating doing; how will I feel about this 5-10 years down the road? Will I be proud of this decision/move? Or ashamed? Living my life like this makes it very easy to make sometimes difficult decisions.
    It also helps me immensely when I am thinking about a man I’m dating. Sure, if I’m attracted to him and have great fun with him, I’ll date him. (That’s where the bad boys come in……the one’s that you just can’t resist! Hey, there’s nothing wrong with having fun.) But if he doesn’t have good character, I know he will never be long term with me.

  3. LV says:

    I agree with you re: Nerve — I just turned 40 recently, and I could swear, I heard crickets chirping on that website. I gave up, and recently rejoined Match.

    Another thing about Nerve: I met some perfectly lovely guys on that site (even dated some for a few months at a time), but I couldn’t ignore the pattern: not a single guy from that website that I met was looking for a serious relationship. It took me a while to figure out that that’s pretty much the MO of that site!

    You just had someone ask about Plenty of Fish — that did NOT work for me at all. Too many cheesy guys in wifebeaters, kneeling in front of their Camaros. My feeling is, you get what you pay for.

  4. jane says:

    Hi LV,

    Thank you for your comment about Plenty of fish, yes I join several on line dating almost 2 years, including Plenty of fish, well I can say it is not working, I agree with waht you said.
    I myself 40 something.

  5. Simone Grant says:

    POF was definitely one of my least successful site experiences. I know that some people have met people there and like it but I really couldn’t stand the site. I left lots of sites out. I’ll try to squeeze in a follow up post later this week.

  6. jane says:

    Hi Simone, can’t wait to read your follow up post :)

  7. Hey Simone :) Thanks I found that really helpful…most importantly for the fact that I’ve realized that it really does have a great deal to do with locale/popularity in that locale, as to a dater’s success. That being said…I’m one of those people who do find Plenty of Fish to be my most “satisfactory” though I’m still holding out hope for better…I wrote my own review of the sites I’ve tried (I figure if I’m asking someone to share their experiences, I should share a few of my own :P) It’s called The Zach(at) Guide To Online Dating Sites.


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