Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

My Ex-Lover is Dead

I didn’t need the whole week. Yesterday morning I woke up and knew. As much as I wanted to make things work with M, I couldn’t.

M was saying all the right things, but nothing had actually changed. And I was never going to be willing to settle for what he had to offer. Never.

That I met and fell in love with, the who made me feel safe, the who said to me, “You’re a priority for me” and then backed it with actions – I’m not sure he ever really existed. Maybe M was pretending to be someone else. Someone with real character.  But that doesn’t exist anymore.

The details of our 5 day experiment are petty and I don’t really want to get into them here. No good can come of that.

Here’s a good thing, I’m not crushed.  Really, I’m not. I do think I’ve learned a lot from letting him back in, even for this short time. It allowed me to remember the good things I got from our relationship and also the bad things that I need to be on the look out for. The stuff I absolutely won’t tolerate ever again.  EVER.  And now I’m ready to move on.  I finally figured out how to send any and all email from his address straight to trash. *deep breath*

Anyway, as I’ve mentioned many times before my favorite breakup is Your Ex-Lover Is Dead by Stars.  I’ll end this post with some of the best lyrics of that song:

“There’s one thing I want to say, so I’ll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I’m not sorry I met you
I’m not sorry it’s over
I’m not sorry there’s nothing to save”

Your Ex-Lover Is Dead

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13 to “My Ex-Lover is Dead”

  1. That is closure. Congrats. Well put.

  2. NoMoreDuds says:

    Simone, I’m a new reader. Congratulations, it sounds like you’re getting your act together. Just curious, for how long did you and “M” date?

  3. Everything I can think of to say – congratulations, I’m proud of you, I know it sucks but it also doesn’t – seem not quite right. Just know that there are lots of readers out here who are happy for you that you’ve finally found some closure.

  4. pups4me says:

    It’s nice to be able to “just know” when it’s time to move on. Sometimes it takes a heck of a long time to reach that place, but it sounds like you finally have, so be happy with that. It’s better to know you tried your hardest and it won’t work then to have all the could haves and should haves and maybes floating around.
    Not to say it’s not difficult or it doesn’t really suck …because I’m sure it does right now. However, if you are feeling any sort of relief after reaching this decision, then I think you know you made the right one.

  5. Tim says:

    Good for you! I’ve been reading your blog for a while now. It’s a fun read, but also helps me gauge my own behavior in my relationships with women. That’s right, you are an educator!

    I’m glad you’ve resolved this issue with M. You’ve made a healthy, self-affirming decision and can move on. I only wish I was back home in NY, instead of being stuck here in Jersey. I’d invite you to a celebratory drink. :)

  6. sandyvs says:

    It’s a HUGE feeling of relief when you finally come out of the fog and see things as they ‘really’ are. I feel for you right now, because even though it’s a good, positive decision you made for yourself, it still hurts like hell; for a LONG time. Then, suddenly you think of him and realize you hadn’t thought of him for days and you feel nothing and you know you are truly over him and ready for the ‘next’ one.
    In the meantime, if you start to falter, which just about everyone does, just let us know and we will be right there to talk you down!

  7. sandyvs says:

    Just went on youtube and saw that video, then read the lyrics. It’s perfect! Thank you for posting that, because I’m sure I’ll be reading and listening to those lyrics quite a few times.

  8. Stacy says:

    Closure is good. No more I wonder how it would have been with M.


  9. melissa says:

    It is such a good relief. I also love that song and know how you feel. My ex just left me for another girl out of the blue. As much as I hope that he would come back to me I know that I need to move on and let go. I am very glad to hear that you are ready to move on.

  10. Sam says:

    Good for you, Simone.

    It took me almost a year after my breakup with a toxic man to see him for what he really is. I couldn’t move on, but once I cut him out of my life completely, I found I was quickly ready to concentrate on finding a man who really can give me everything I want.

  11. anny says:

    i’m sorry. i know how you feel. thank you for putting yourself out there and sharing with us. lots of people are thinkin wonderful, postive thoughts about you and for you.

    someone once gave me a nugget of gold i’ll share with you and hope it makes it into your nugget collection; ” do not fret over what was lost, for it is You, beautiful girl, who will be found, and treasured.”

  12. Lara says:

    I’ve been thinking about this post for a few days now, and before I muddle through what’s on my mind, let me first say if this decision brings you peace and feels right, I’m happy for you.
    It took me so long to comment because I felt all of these pangs of disappointment when I read this. Not in you – I could never be disappointed AT or WITH another for a choice she makes about her own life. But, I was so hoping for a fairy tale. These days, I’d just like to see evidence that two people can dive into love and miraculously learn how to breath while under. I guess that is the idealist in me (shhh…don’t tell the realist). I’ve been thinking a lot about the chances to love lately, and the answers just aren’t coming. It’s so damn complex, isn’t it?

  13. Simone Grant says:

    I didn’t reply to the comments on this thread, because… well I just needed move forward and not think more about this than I absolutely had to. Which was incredibly hard for me. I’m an overthinker by nature.

    Thank you everyone for your support. I know I did the right thing. And also, for anyone who’s wondering where I stand on this – I absolutely believe in love. I just don’t believe in the “pot for every lid” theory and am more than willing to live a life of peaceful singleness than spend the rest of my days with a guy who doesn’t treat me well.