Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

So Here Are the Numbers

If online dating really is a numbers game, then I gotta believe that maybe, just maybe, the current numbers are in my favor.  As I mentioned last week, my inboxes were filling up just as soon as I updated my profiles on and .

And I do mean filling up.  I ended up letting it go a few days (4 or 5) before I had the chance to comb through all of my messages. By then I had 79 guys (Chemistry works a lot like eHarmony – so guys don’t send messages right away, rather they ‘express interest’) waiting to hear from me.  Now, the Chemistry game is rather low stakes.  No effort really has to be made to express interest in a person. It’s essentially the equivalent of a wink on another site.  Hence the high number.

I decided to be as liberal as I could with my replies, responded positively as often as I could.  I only ruled out guys who I could never see myself dating for really big reasons.  With that as my game plan I waved about a third onto the next stage.

But the thing about Chemistry is that there are a lot of stages:  trading info on what’s important to you (relationship essentials), short answers… I’m stalled now at the short answers with a handful of guys.  Not that they don’t seem cool.  Some of them do. It’s just a time thing. I haven’t had it to give. I’m hoping to set aside an hour sometime later today.

Match is a different story. There were 28 messages in my inbox when I first checked, but I was surprised at just how many of them I wanted to reply to. It was bizarre. In the end, I ended up replying to almost a dozen and have started fairly elaborate email conversations with a few guys (a couple who have already revealed themselves as nutjobs, but that’s part of the process, too).

And of course, on both sites, I keep getting emails about new messages/interest but I haven’t checked my inboxes in a couple of days. I haven’t been sticking to my tried and true strategy of scheduling 15 minutes a night to deal with online dating.  I know it’s easier when I do it that way.  That it’s harder to let it build up.  But I’ve been busy.  Lame excuse, I know.

Anyway, I have a couple of dates scheduled. One tonight and one next week with guys I met on other sites(one is Mr. Perfect on Paper). And then I think I’ll close out those accounts and focus on these match and chemistry accounts. I really am surprised at just how interesting/cool some of the guys I met this week on match are.  Maybe it’s an aberration. Or maybe it’s a sign of good things to come.

Wish me luck on my date tonight.  Mr. Perfect on Paper picked a completely perfect place to meet.  Of course.


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8 to “So Here Are the Numbers”


  1. KB IN NYC says:

    Good luck Simone! Hope Mr. Perfect on Paper becomes Mr. Perfect in Real Life. But if not, there are apparently plenty more fish in the sea.

    Enjoy!

  2. Lexi says:

    Hope you have a great date tonight. I know that sometimes those guys that are perfect on paper, aren’t so perfect in person. You never know. Going at it in a positive light is the best way.
    Good luck to you, and hopefully he will become Mr. Right.

    I enjoy reading your blog posts:)
    Lexi

    • Simone Grant says:

      Thanks sweetie. In my experience, perfect on paper is usually a sure sign that he’s going to be a total dud. I hope this one is different and I’m trying to go into it with as positive an attitude as I can.

  3. Man, those numbers put my online dating volume to shame! And of course I’m looking for quality and not quantity, but it’s hard not to think I’d have a better shot at quality if I had such a flow of inbound interest. Hope you find a keeper in this bunch…

    • Simone Grant says:

      It’s just the fresh meat syndrome. I’m sure they’ll go back down to normal rates soon. Right now I’m new and new=good in this context. And thank you, btw. Not sure how anything is going to work out in the next few weeks but I’m optimistic that something good with happen.

  4. Zoe says:

    Hello Simone! Loved this post. I’m finishing up my Match.com subscription this week and was considering moving to Chemistry in the summer if none of the guys I’m currently emailing/dating (and I concur; there are a LOT of interesting ones on Match!) work out. Any tips for me? Cheers!

    • Simone Grant says:

      My “big advice” is to not do what I just did. Make sure you set aside a little time each day and tackle that inbox. Otherwise it will become daunting. Good luck,