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A Friend of My Friend…

A Friend of My Friend... dating polls  704092 secretI can’t speak for anyone else, but for me, one of the big moments in any is when I meet a ’s . And perhaps, even more so, when I arrange for him to meet my . It means a lot to me, what my closest think of the men in my life.  I want them to like my (s). To approve of my choices.

Which is absolutely and completely absurd.  Because I know from experience that my friends will hold back on anything they’re afraid might hurt me (the, what were you thinkings always come after the breakup). Instead, they’ll do their best to find something to like about a guy.  A positive trait.  A characteristic they can honestly praise. Or failing that, I’ll hear, “I’m glad he makes you happy”.

This is what I was thinking the other day as a friend told me that his ’s best friends hated him, told her they hated him AND that it was affecting their otherwise happy relationship (these are, in fact, all adults over the age of 30, in case you were wondering).

Really.

Grown women have told one of their BFFs (a phrase I loathe, sorry, but it’s convenient) that they find her boyfriend unsuitable and that she should with him.  And, here’s the kicker, she’s thinking about it. Thinking of ending her relationship. Because their opinions mean that much to her.

And, well, I gotta be honest. If one of my closest friends actually came out and said, “I know you’re crazy about him but I think he’s bad for you,” I might start to rethink my relationship.

There is a question in here somewhere.  Maybe 2 or 3.  But for starters, here’s what I’d like to know – Would you/do you tell your friends your honest opinion about their new boy/girlfriend(s)?

Would you say, "Sorry, but I don't like the guy and I think he's bad for you."?

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7 to “A Friend of My Friend…”


  1. The simple answer is “Yes” but I think it has to be a bit more thoughtful. A lot of the time people don’t give much time to clearly figure out if they like a person or not and in matters such as this, you need to be careful.

    As it turns out, my stepfather knew that my ex wife was trouble. He kept it to himself. He turned out to be right. I turn out to wish he’d said something to me. Maybe I’d have accepted it, maybe not. Maybe it would have caused issues within. Maybe not. Maybe it would have saved me a ton of tsuris (though it also would have prevented the joy of my daughter, something else to consider in hindsight). But in the end, I would have been better off with his insight and thoughts.

    But he knew her after awhile. He’d met her a few times.

    Anyway, if you don’t like the person enough to believe they are bad for your friend, you need to say something supportive and honest. Have their back, always have their back, but let them know what you think. That’s friendship. Just expressing your judgment is ego.

  2. Sandyvs says:

    I have a friend that constantly falls for losers and tries to make them ‘work out’. There have been some guys that I refuse to even meet because from what she’s told me, I don’t even care to. But there’s not a damn thing I can say to her that she will listen to until it’s over, so I just wait till it ends and help her get over it.

    On my end, though, I have a guy friend that is a VERY good judge of character. One time a group of us from work were going somewhere and I said I was bringing this one guy. He flat out told me he didn’t want that ‘piece of shit’ in his truck, so we went separately. Well, when we ended badly, I called my friend and told him and he laughed and said, “I TOLD you he was a piece of shit! I guess from now on, you’ll be riding with ME.!” Ever since then, if I get a little bit serious about a guy, he meets my friend from work!

  3. Kate Morris says:

    If I have spent enough time with them – Yes, I will tell her.
    If I just met the guy? No. I don’t know anything yet.

    But there are two friends of mine right now that are dating guys I don’t particularly approve of, and they both know that. They have not ended their relationships because I have expressed my doubts about the relationship, and they shouldn’t. It’s their decision, and I am always cordial around the man in question. There is no reason to be rude, even if I don’t think they are right together.

  4. pups4me says:

    I voted for “other” and I agree with Kate Morris’ comments. There are so many different situations and it’s difficult to pass judgement unless we know for certain the person is no good. I would need to spend time with the person to form my opinion of how he/she gets along with and treats my friend.
    This is how I’d want my friends to be regarding anyone I was dating.

    Something I’ve come to realize is that I probably cause my friends to dislike a guy because of what I tell them about him, not what they see first hand. It’s easy to complain about a guy to my friends and they only hear my side, so I’ve learned sometimes I should filter what I share.

  5. This is actually hard for me to figure out because I can’t think of any situation where one of my friends has dated someone seriously that I honestly didn’t like or thought they shouldn’t be dating (apparently, I’m the only one in my circle of friends who dates guys her friends think are idiots!). But I HAVE been in situations where I have been quite suspicious of guys if I thought they weren’t treating my friends as well as I think my friends should be treated, and I’ll definitely tell my friends that. But most of my friends know I’m super-protective so they put up with it for a while – in every case, either I’ve been right and they stopped dating, or I spent enough time around the couple to be convinced that I was wrong. So I agree completely with the earlier comments about needing to give it some time to form a real opinion.

  6. Funny that you mention this post/poll when you did. I do in fact have a close friend of mine that is in a relationship like this right now. She’s always had bad taste in men. Not that they are all bad men. Just bad tasting men? Anyway…

    But, she is a grown woman and unless he is harming her I don’t see the benefit of letting her know my true feelings for him. Unfortunately, I am not alone in my feelings about her honey which makes me feel bad as things have gotten to the point where they are told parties begin two hours later than they actually do and we all ping pong them off of one another in hopes of trying to limit ones contact with the arrogant egomaniac.

    Either way, that was my long drawn out answer to whether or not I would tell a friend of my dislike for their significant other. I can only hope that she eventually comes to her senses or that he does truly make her happy. In which case, I will always remain cordial until he does something to warrant me no longer holding my tongue.

    (I should have just answered the poll and been done with it, huh? lol)

  7. Simone Grant says:

    Wow. I mean WOW. You’ve all given me even more to think about. MissMelisaMae, I’ve always used your strategy. I hope my friends come to their senses and hold my told in the meantime. But I gotta admit I’m starting to rethink that in favor of sharing my concerns.