Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Singles

I was brave this weekend.  I walked into a party, by myself, knowing that I probably wouldn’t know a person there. I was invited by someone I’d been trying to connect with for ages (she was the host). But other than her, someone I’d never actually met, I had no idea who might be there.

Somehow I mustered the courage to walk myself inside and brave the polite little crowd and… I didn’t die.

I gotta admit it was scary for me.  As comfortable (and happy) as I am doing most things alone: eating out, going to the movies, traveling – the one thing that’s always scared the crap out of me is parties.  I’m fine walking into a party by myself as long as I know there’ll be at least one or two people there that I know.  But a party full of strangers has always been my achilles heel.  The one activity I couldn’t do alone.

Until this weekend, anyway.

But I digress.  That isn’t even what this post is about. One of the nice people I met while I was there was a young man who’d recently relocated here from Seattle. I asked him what had prompted his move and he said that in Seattle, everyone was coupled up by the time they were 27 and as a single 32 year-old he was feeling out of place.  He decided to move to New York because it was such a great place for single people.

Huh!

I have no idea if what he said about Seattle is true.  I’ve been there a few times, but never “experienced” the dating scene.  But I’d imagine there are lots of places in the country and the world where people are just more couple/marriage minded than New York.

Anyway, since then I’ve been thinking about what he said and poking around online to see if there’s any evidence to back it up. Forbes did a piece last year where they ranked as the number 1 city for singles. Single Minded Women did one more recently where they ranked the Top 10 Cities for . NYC placed 3 (Boston was number 1).

So, I guess, statistically speaking NYC is a pretty good place to be single.  There certainly are a lot of us here.  Which leads me to my obvious follow up point. There are so many of us here.  So many.  So much choice (yeah, I’m back on this again).

Choice is good.  I like choice.  Love choice. And I’ve certainly enjoyed my single life here, in the city.  But yeah, I do think we NYC singles are more than a little for choice. Not that I’d have it any other way.


Tags: , , ,

12 to “Singles”


  1. jackie says:

    the best and worst part of living in nyc is having so many damn choices. do i want chinese food? italian? portuguese? do i go to the Met? the MoMa? the GUG? unless you really know what you want, you can waffle on choices indefinitely.

    which is great and awful at the same time.
    jackie

  2. Kelly says:

    Going to parties by yourself is a good thing, so nice job! It forces you out of your comfort zone. I hated doing it but this was always the most successful way for me to get dates with interesting guys. As for the “so much choice” comment, I totally agree. That’s why so many single women and men stay single…they are always looking for the next better thing. Too many people=harder to find someone. Ironic.

    • Simone Grant says:

      Yes, it’s ironic. But I’m not actually complaining, just observing. I’d like to think that everything is going to work out the way it’s supposed to -whether that means I stay single forever or meet someone, eventually.

  3. I agree with Kelly. While it’s hard for me to go places alone, I find that even walking in alone takes guts. Usually, people are in groups so they’re immediately curious as to who’s stepping into a place unattached. And, it shows you’re willing to go against the grain.

    As for choice? In all the years I spent living in New York, the one thing I knew is that I had too MUCH choice. Now, in Chicago, all I do is crave that choice once again…

    Oh how the grass is always greener!

  4. Fishy says:

    You only have to look at the number of (excellent) dating bloggers in New York. You got a real scene.

  5. Alla says:

    That is definitely a brave move – going to a party of strangers.
    As for New York being the city of singles, I guess it is true about any big city. I am from Russia, and there people from any little city get married before they are 25. But if you go to Moscow, it’s completely different – everyone is career oriented and there is just no time for love. They are quite picky there too (as you said, there is choice) =)
    Good posts as always..

    • Simone Grant says:

      Thanks Alla, and welcome. Kind of bizarre that it’s the same in Moscow, but it makes a lot of sense now that you mention it. It reminds me of something a friend of mine said a long time ago (she moved from NYC to someplace else). She said that everything was easier in her adopted hometown because the competition just wasn’t as fierce – getting a job, a boyfriend/husband, a home. Everything. Less choice, but the competition just isn’t as fierce. Life is just so damn weird.

  6. Avi H says:

    I am proud of you for going to that party alone. I have not managed that one yet but I do everything else alone when need be. My friend asked me last night how on earth I could go to the cinema alone and my response: “With a blanket.” That’s a huge deal cause parties are scary if you know noone. I am glad you went, and conquered.

    • Simone Grant says:

      Thank you. I have to admit, I was a lot easier than I thought it would be. Which is not to say that I’m still not afraid of similar situations in the future. I just won’t let myself be controlled by the fear.