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Rain Check?

“Does a rain check mean ‘yes, but later’ or ‘no’. Got one today and having a of a time figuring it out.”

I received this question in a DM (private message on twitter) the other day and immediately knew I’d have to write a post about it. I didn’t realize, at the time, that I’d be writing said post while massively overmedicated. But hey, I’m just trying to play the hand I was dealt.

I hope this post makes sense.

So first, just so we’re all clear, he was referring to a rain check for . As in, I’m not ready/interested in having sex with you now but I will be at some later date. Now, I can’t speak for anyone else but I can say with absolute certainty that when I’ve said similar things in the past (I’d just say, “not yet”) I really did mean “yes, but later”.

And I’d guess that many other people do mean, “yes, but later” when they say it.

The reality is that lots of us are of the mind set that it’s a good idea to wait before having sex with someone.  For whatever reason. Some people just like waiting until they get to know the other person really well. Others because they firmly believe there are issues of respect involved (that men don’t respect women who have sex with them right away). I wait because I know that if the sex is great I’m likely to want to continue seeing the guy, even if the relationship isn’t working/he’s a jerk.

The funny thing is, I also know that there have been a couple of times when I’ve said, “not yet” and the guy took it poorly.  All he heard was “NO”.  And instead of kissing me and saying goodnight and then calling me for our next date when maybe I’d say yes he sulked off, never to be heard from again.  And hey, if all he was interested in was getting laid that night then it all worked out in my favor.  But if he liked me and was interested in really dating me and misunderstood my, “not yet” to mean “No, not ever” then he lost out.

Anyway, that’s just my take on rain checks. Your thoughts?


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6 to “Rain Check?”


  1. SFSingleGuy says:

    I think a rain check if you have been seeing that person means ‘yes but later’. However, if you’ve only been out a couple of times, and you already had plans to see each other, I would take it as a no.

  2. Jordana says:

    I’d have to agree that if you’ve been seeing a person for a while it would be a yes but later. If it’s someone you’ve just seen casually or once or twice rain check would mean no. And if a guy freaks over rain check and never calls you again, then well, yeah his loss lol

  3. Tom says:

    I’m not 100% if a rain check will stand up in court but I think the two words imply a social contract that can really only be broken if one of the two parties does something to upset the spirit of the sentiment. IE a friend once told me we should have sex with each other (she used a much more visceral verb to describe the sex) and we never had that sex. Does she owe me? She sure does, but since the moment has long-since passed, it might be a debt that I never have the temerity to suggest collecting. Point being, rain checks should be honored but most have a very limited shelf life particularly when the rain check is regarding a sex act between consenting adults.

    That is all.

  4. Simone Grant says:

    Hahaha. Well, I really blew it this time. The “rain check” in question wasn’t about sex but rather a cancelled date (my mind just went straight to sex).

    Even still, I’ve been known to reschedule dates when other things come up and to give “rain checks”. I’d just come right out and cancel if I didn’t want to see the guy.

  5. I would take a rain check to mean, wait and see how we get on in future dates, and respect the womans way of thinking.
    If you like her well enough, then the sex will be worth waiting for.
    That works for her to.