“Does a rain check mean ‘yes, but later’ or ‘no’. Got one today and having a hell of a time figuring it out.”
I received this question in a DM (private message on twitter) the other day and immediately knew I’d have to write a post about it. I didn’t realize, at the time, that I’d be writing said post while massively overmedicated. But hey, I’m just trying to play the hand I was dealt.
I hope this post makes sense.
So first, just so we’re all clear, he was referring to a rain check for sex. As in, I’m not ready/interested in having sex with you now but I will be at some later date. Now, I can’t speak for anyone else but I can say with absolute certainty that when I’ve said similar things in the past (I’d just say, “not yet”) I really did mean “yes, but later”.
And I’d guess that many other people do mean, “yes, but later” when they say it.
The reality is that lots of us are of the mind set that it’s a good idea to wait before having sex with someone. For whatever reason. Some people just like waiting until they get to know the other person really well. Others because they firmly believe there are issues of respect involved (that men don’t respect women who have sex with them right away). I wait because I know that if the sex is great I’m likely to want to continue seeing the guy, even if the relationship isn’t working/he’s a jerk.
The funny thing is, I also know that there have been a couple of times when I’ve said, “not yet” and the guy took it poorly. All he heard was “NO”. And instead of kissing me and saying goodnight and then calling me for our next date when maybe I’d say yes he sulked off, never to be heard from again. And hey, if all he was interested in was getting laid that night then it all worked out in my favor. But if he liked me and was interested in really dating me and misunderstood my, “not yet” to mean “No, not ever” then he lost out.
Anyway, that’s just my take on rain checks. Your thoughts?
Tags: hell, sex