Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

It Doesn’t Get Any Easier

I was at a friend’s 39th last night.  I told her “welcome to the club, it’s a good club”.  And I meant it.  39’s been a heck of a lot more interesting, so far, than 29 was.  And I’m eagerly looking forward to my 40th birthday in a few months.

But as much as I feel like I’ve learned in the last decade, there are some things that just don’t get any easier.  People, for instance. People are hard.

Case in point – I awoke this morning to a phone call.  It was one of my oldest . He and I have known each other for 20 years.  And he was furious with me.  I did something yesterday to upset him (the details are kind of irrelevant).  And looking back, I can see how what I did was ridiculously stupid.  I did what I did because he did something to upset me, first, and I reacted poorly. Childish, I know.

When he realized that he’d woken me up (I had nasty insomnia last night and didn’t go to sleep til 4 or 5) he told me to call him when I was up. And then 5 minutes later he called again. He was too angry to go on with his day, he needed to speak with me right away (he and I are very much alike).

So we talked and realized that at the heart of our actions were a bunch of misunderstandings.  I apologized, as did he.  And I feel much better now.  I hope he does too.

Anyway, my point is, this is someone I know very well and yet I still managed to hurt him.  And the last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt him. But that’s what people do sometimes, we hurt the people we love. Luckily he and I are both good at clearing the air and fixing things, otherwise this could’ve dragged on for who knows how long.

People are hard. Relationships are hard. Not just the dating/love/ variety but all kinds of relationships. None of us are mind readers. None of us can ever know how anyone else is feeling at any given time. And none of us is perfect.

Or maybe I’m wrong, again…

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4 to “It Doesn’t Get Any Easier”

  1. Tahoe Bill says:

    I’m betting you’re closer to it getting easier than you think.

    After more of these than I care to remember, I began to realize that anger pretty much always followed misunderstanding. So when I would feel anger coming on, I trained myself to say “oh wait…must be a misunderstanding”. Then after a while I began to just skip the anger part altogether, and deal directly with the misunderstanding. Now I don’t bother to get angry at all, and words can’t describe how wonderful that is.

    Maybe your birthday will be the catalyst. I didn’t learn any of that stuff till I was in my 40’s.

  2. Dazediva says:

    Another insightful post … and I must say that Tahoe Bill has got it quite right. I must apply that to myself – if I feel anger coming, it must be a misunderstanding …

    I reckon that with each day comes a new learning; and that is how we end up becoming the person that we are … we are made up of so many complex layers; that it really doesn’t get easier with time does it … just means that there’s more for someone else to uncover to really get to know the real you

    • Simone Grant says:

      Thanks darling, not really trying to be insightful. Just trying to work through my daily mess :-) and maybe learn a tiny bit in the process.

      A lovely thought you have, that there is more for someone else to uncover. That’s what I wish for, for all of us, someone who’s going to dive in and make the effort.