Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Ordering Off the Man Menu

It occurred to me the other day that if I could order up my “perfect man”, my dream guy, I’d have absolutely no idea where to start. Sure, I need him to be kind and smart and funny and ethical.  And we need to be able to have FUN together (of both the sexual and non-sexual variety).  But I don’t really have a physical image for him.  Not anymore.

I gotta assume that this puts me in the minority.  My friend KB in NYC just wrote a post about some of her dealbreakers in which it’s clear that she has a vision of what her guy looks like (tall, stylish, great teeth). Plenty of women chimed in with amens and their own thoughts (lots of women seem to be into really tall guys).

I used to not be attracted to guys with facial hair.  Then I fell head over heels for a guy with a big, nasty beard.  And I used to hate tattoos, but a few dozen guys with tattoos later and I’m ok with those, too.  I don’t have any specific height requirement (except that guys more than 13 inches taller than me, or so, make me uncomfortable).  I guess the only physical requirement I have is “not horribly out of shape”.  Spare tires are fine, but chubby is another thing entirely.

Anyway, my point here is that I really am at the point of my life where I take each guy as an individual. A whole.  And I either like him as a whole or not.  And that there isn’t one trait (height, hair color, lack of hair, bad shoes…) that is going to make me rule him out as possible dating material.  I either think he’s hot or not.

Speaking of hot or not, I’m guessing that most of my readers have set tastes. List of dealbreakers that they can easily drawn upon to order themselves a picture of the perfect man or woman.

Do you have any REAL DEALBREAKERS when it comes to a person's appearance (for example: height, baldness, hair color, bad shoes, ugly feet, facial hair)?

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18 to “Ordering Off the Man Menu”

  1. Erin says:

    I was going to say obesity was a dealbreaker, but I can imagine an obese man being attractive. I just would not have a lot of hope for anything long-term with someone who — by choice of lifestyle — could not go hiking with me.

    Oh, I am 13 inches shorter than my boyfriend! It’s on the verge of freaky.

    • Simone Grant says:

      THANK YOU. Every time I mention the height thing people act like it’s weird. It’s not weird. Physically BEING with someone that much taller/bigger than you is kinda freaky. It just is. I know there are some people who really like it. But there are people who like all kinds of freaky things. There, I said it.

  2. Kate Morris says:

    Height is generally a deal breaker for me, but I can’t say I’d discount a guy for being my height or a little smaller if everything else fit. But being 5’8″ on a bad day (with heels, I can near 6 ft), it makes things difficult when they are “5’10” And I put that in quotes for a reason. Online, men lie about height a LOT. :)

    • Simone Grant says:

      I hear this a lot from tall friends and I get it. I guess it’s just so far outside of my experience that I can’t relate. I’m 5′ no inches and for some reason tall guys love me.

  3. Fishy says:

    I don’t have any dealbreakers either. Generally like girls who are shorter than me but it’s not essential. Sadly, there aren’t many girls like you out there, Simone. I’m a fairly standard guy – but I think it’d be tough for me to tick all the boxes for a lot of women. And all this ‘I want someone who is tall’ crap – you are excluding an AWFUL LOT of potentially brilliant matches with this.

    • Simone Grant says:

      As much as I like online dating, one of the negative aspects is that some people do treat it a little bit too much like online shopping – and this goes for men and women. I know a guy who pretty much only looks at blondes. REALLY. And yet I’ve seen him become completely smitten with a brunette in real life. But he “has a thing for” blondes and since online dating sites let you search by hair color he does, thereby eliminating lots of potentially brilliant matches.

      People are weird, what can I say?

  4. pups4me says:

    I voted “yes” and my reason is height, and in fact, I could have written the exact same text as Kate Morris. I know it’s not fair, but I’ve tried dating guys that are shorter than me and I can’t do it. I feel like an amazon woman (I’m 5’9″ and slim) and I’m uncomfortable and I just don’t like it. I realize it’s MY perception, but until I can get over it, I choose not to date men shorter than I am.

    • Simone Grant says:

      You don’t have to justify your feelings. This isn’t about fair. We’re all comfortable with what we’re comfortable with. Every once in a while I’ll go out with a guy who’s taller than my “comfort range” (I know you tall ladies hate me for this, but if they ask and seem like cool guys) and it makes me feel really insecure and awkward. I just can’t do it (seriously, the sex with a guy that much taller that you is never quite right).

  5. Sandy says:

    Call me ‘Shallow Sandy’, I don’t care. The reason being, I know what I bring to the party, and I expect no less of any man. So, I’m very fit and I’m not attracted to a man that isn’t. Other than the mangina, which I find very sexy on a man, I don’t care for facial hair on a man. It’s always been a turn-OFF for me and I’m not even going to question why, that’s just the way it is. As for height, I have a son that is 6’1″ and whenever I hugged him, I always thought, “There is too much here”! But, after dating a really sexy guy that was 6’3″, I am now attracted to guys from 5’6″ to “whatever”!

    • Simone Grant says:

      LOL, I don’t think anyone would call you shallow. Your experience with height was similar to mine with facial hair. I thought I didn’t like something and then realized it wasn’t an issue.

  6. The only deal breaker for me is excessively over weight. Now, I have a preference for certain features in women, but If a woman did not have those prefered features , I would still take a genuine interest in her.

    • Simone Grant says:

      That’s a great way to put it, “a preference in certain features”. I think many of us have preferences in certain features, but those aren’t dealbreakers.

  7. LV says:

    I guess I’m in the minority here — I actually prefer guys who are NOT that tall. Then again, I’m only 5’5″ — anything over 6′ is just way too tall for me!

    I’m trying to be more open minded about looks in general — my usual “type” are guys with thick, full hair — recently went out with a few totally bald guys who were perfectly nice.

    • Simone Grant says:

      You and me both, although I’m willing to go a whole 13 in taller because otherwise I’d be eliminating a whole lot of guys and I’m just not willing to do that (honestly though, my ideal would probably be around 6 or 6 inches taller, if we’re talking comfort).

  8. Jessica says:

    I voted no! If you would have asked me two years ago if I had a type, I would have hesitated at first and then said something like…taller than me, maybe slightly geeky, with a full head of curly dark hair and stylish black glasses. Two years ago I would have never said that my type was Asian, 3 or so inches shorter than me and slightly preppy (polos and khakis)! Today I realize I don’t have a type, that I like who I like. And I’m glad I never really adhered to a set type, because I definitely wouldn’t be dating my boyfriend right now! He’s not what I imagined for myself, but now I couldn’t imagine my life without him. Funny how taking away that magnifying glasses and just enjoying a person for who they are and not what they look like can really change you and who you “think” you’re attracted to!

    • Simone Grant says:

      Thank you for chiming in. I’m with you on this one. As disastrous (with a capital D) as my last serious relationship was it taught me that I have absolutely no idea who I might fall for (in terms of packaging). And that “hot” can mean all sorts of things.

  9. Saint Steven says:

    I have a dealbreaker that I think a lot of guys have. If the girl isn’t willing to go down on me then the deal is off. I’m not trying to come across as sexist by saying that, but this is a common dealbreaker for guys. Chris Rock said it best when describing the different types of women in that regard.

    • Simone Grant says:

      Saint Seven,
      FWIW, I think sexual dealbreakers are 100% valid and important. I have a few myself (and no, I’m not going to get specific here). It’s why I think it’s important to have sex with a guy before I become too emotionally attached. Because if the sex doesn’t work for me – he’s not a keeper.