I went to bed early last night and stayed in bed until 10:30 this morning (early, for me, is midnight in case you were wondering). This is pretty damn noteworthy. I haven’t been sleeping much lately and that’s been an issue.
I’ve been kinda grouchy and sad.
I haven’t been sleeping because I’ve been stressed about business/work stuff. But also dating/relationship stuff. Just about everything stuff, really. There’s an old joke that says that everyone in New York is always either looking for a new place to live, a new love or a new job. And for the past couple of years I’ve been perpetually in search of 2 of those things, in a sense. But it’s not really a job that I’m looking for, because I’m self employed and building a business. It feels just like searching for a job. But harder. Because it never ends. I’m ALWAYS searching.
This always searching feeling I have, for work, for men/love – it’s been causing more stress than I ever remember having. Last night I had a little bit of a meltdown. I had 2 back-to-back potential new client meetings in the late afternoon. And then I checked my email and there were a bunch of urgent things to deal with so I had to rush home and do that work. But by the time I got home I was literally falling apart. My body was shrieking in pain. My stomach. My neck. I could barely sit up. So I laid down on my sofa, propped up, with my laptop and finished the most essential work and then took the night off. And went to bed early and stayed in bed late.
And today, well today I’m going to only do a few hours of work. Just the stuff I should have done yesterday and couldn’t. Then I’m going to spend a few hours finally responding to all of the messages waiting for me in my online dating inbox. Because I can’t meet any men if I don’t try.
Oh and tonight I’m going to a kinda bizarre party. Details on Monday.
Sorry, this isn’t really a fun post at all. I guess this is the: this is why I haven’t been much fun lately post.
Tags: bed, work