Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Catching My Breath

I went to early last night and stayed in until 10:30 this morning (early, for me, is midnight in case you were wondering). This is pretty damn noteworthy. I haven’t been sleeping much lately and that’s been an issue.

I’ve been kinda grouchy and sad.

I haven’t been sleeping because I’ve been stressed about business/ stuff.  But also dating/relationship stuff.  Just about everything stuff, really.  There’s an old joke that says that everyone in New York is always either looking for a new place to live, a new love or a new job.  And for the past couple of years I’ve been perpetually in search of 2 of those things, in a sense. But it’s not really a job that I’m looking for, because I’m self employed and building a business.  It feels just like searching for a job.  But harder.  Because it never ends.  I’m ALWAYS searching.

This always searching feeling I have, for work, for men/love – it’s been causing more stress than I ever remember having. Last night I had a little bit of a meltdown.  I had 2 back-to-back potential new client meetings in the late afternoon. And then I checked my email and there were a bunch of urgent things to deal with so I had to rush home and do that work. But by the time I got home I was literally falling apart.  My body was shrieking in pain.  My stomach.  My neck.  I could barely sit up.  So I laid down on my sofa, propped up, with my laptop and finished the most essential work and then took the night off. And went to bed early and stayed in bed late.

And today, well today I’m going to only do a few hours of work.  Just the stuff I should have done yesterday and couldn’t. Then I’m going to spend a few hours finally responding to all of the messages waiting for me in my online dating inbox.  Because I can’t meet any men if I don’t try.

Oh and tonight I’m going to a kinda bizarre party.  Details on Monday.

Sorry, this isn’t really a fun post at all.  I guess this is the: this is why I haven’t been much fun lately post.

Tags: ,

2 to “Catching My Breath”

  1. datehater says:

    I relate to this more than you know. I too, am always searching. So much so, that even when I do have 1,2 or 3 of the above…I always feel it’s only temporary. Or that I SHOULD be looking. Because to be a New Yorker you’re SUPPOSED to be constantly moving up. Right? Or even worse, when things are good….I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
    I’m don’t believe we are negative, doomed or depressed – just merely products of our experiences. Hang in there, you’re not alone!

  2. Simone Grant says:

    Thank you. I don’t believe we’re negative either. We’re just trying to get the most we can out of this life. I don’t see that as a bad thing. And I do believe that I can recognize a good thing when I have it.

    It is exhausting, though, isn’t it?